[High Praise! to Liberal Logic 101]
Archive of entries posted on 15th November 2013
Big Mac Attack!
Police in Tennessee say a woman ran over her boyfriend three times after he refused to go to McDonald’s with her.
Could’ve been worse for him. He could’ve gone with her & said “you should really just have the salad, honey”.
Practice Makes Perfidy
Link of the Day: 20 Years After That: Ozymandias
High Praise! to Springeraz of Nuking Politics]
BONUS LINK: from Gang Aft Agley [High Praise!]
Oddly, when I hear that title, I think of this video (NSFW), not the one in the post.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Download Immaculate Game Romney Disruptive Perfect Sand God Rhymes
President late for ACA speech. Probably trying to download it.
— Pat Sajak (@patsajak) November 14, 2013
The Immaculate Deception: A lie was heard by the public, but no one was actually responsible for it.
— SquatchPride69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) November 14, 2013
He's like a 5 year old playing a board game. When he starts losing, he just makes up new rules. "I rolled a two. That means two turns!"
— Caleb Howe (@CalebHowe) November 14, 2013
Imagine what the story would be if an out of touch President Romney said he was shocked to discover how tough it is to buy insurance.
— Andy Levy (@andylevy) November 14, 2013
Obama reassures us this was "the path that was least disruptive." Apparently the other path included Godzilla.
— jimgeraghty (@jimgeraghty) November 14, 2013
You all have to admit that the president has kept his pledge to not be perfect.
— HealthCare.Gov (@HealthDotGov) November 14, 2013
jokes on you, tough guy with muscles, I needed more sand for my sand castle & now I have that, plus the sand where my girlfriend was sitting
— DaveDittell69 (@davedittell) November 14, 2013
It seems like God woke up this morning and thought, "okay conservatives, you've suffered enough. This day's on me."
— jon gabriel (@exjon) November 14, 2013
Prevent kids from making up cruel rhymes about your child's name by calling him Orange.
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) November 15, 2013
At Least We Know Miley’s Doing OK
An internet security firm says a limousine company has been hacked, exposing potentially embarrassing details about nearly 1 million customers.
Those most devastated? Hollywood celebrities with no embarrassing details to expose.
Obama Warned Us – Lead
So long as our relationship is defined by our differences, we will empower those who sow hatred rather than peace, those who promote conflict rather than the cooperation that can help all of our people achieve justice and prosperity. This cycle of suspicion and discord must end.
BARACK OBAMA, speech, Jun. 4, 2009
“And I’ll make sure it ends with a victory for hatred-sowers and conflict-promoters like me.”
If You Like Your Laughter, You Can Keep Your Laughter
You’ve Been Judged!
Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “President Obama may bypass Congress on national monuments. The next monument…”
Click here to see if you made the cut.
If you did, you should probably email Keln about becoming a guest blogger there.
If you didn’t, Anonymiss has got another straight line for you to practice on.
Keep trying. No one likes a quitter.
Straight Line of the Day: A New Report Shows Americans Are 34 Times More Interested In Buying Guns Than Obamacare. Also More Popular Than Obamacare…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A new report shows Americans are 34 times more interested in buying guns than Obamacare. Also more popular than Obamacare…
President Lies-With-a-Fist?
So Elizabeth Warren is planning on giving Hillary a challenge in her bid for President. White guilt compels me to support her. Now is the time for us palefaces to return executive power in this land to the Native Americans, like Elizabeth “Lies-With-a-Fist” Warren. Besides, she is so inept, watching her run would be so much fun. My inside sources are telling me these are some of the concepts/strategies she is planning on using against Hillary in the primaries:
- What? Benghazi on my watch? My people brought you Custer’s Last Stand
- Values matter. The men of my people only smoked cigars and posed with them for wooden carvings
- Look at our environmental records. I am the only true anti-litter candidate (tear streams silently down cheek)
- I am the only candidate who can move to DC and root for the Redskins with a clean conscience
- Hillary had been working with Iran for 4 years with no results. I’ve already developed a positive, working relationship with Iran. In exchange for letting them pursue nuclear technology, they have already given me all these blankets and shiny beads
- I am the only candidate committed to the idea that if you like your Shaman you can keep your Shaman
- I will commission the new Trail of Tears Monumental highway system which will connect and give easy access to all the Indian Casinos
- The only part of Hillary that belongs in the Oval Office is her scalp on my wall
- I’ll just arrange to air drop peace pipes over the Middle East. Problem solved
- Once Obamacare has dealt with the overpopulation problem, I can lead our people that remain back to living in harmony off the land
- It takes a village to run a county
- To maintain continuity, I will select Joe “Dances-Like-a-Special-Ed-Kid-With-a-Sparkler” Biden as my VP
- A mustang in every garage and peyote in every pot
10 Ways to Still Think Obama Is Doing a Good Job
Obama came out yesterday to try and fix things, bless his heart. At first there was schadenfreude, but now it’s almost getting painful to watch him flounder around as his signature accomplishment fails in the most epic way possible. Yet, there are still a few people out there that think Obama is doing a good job on health care. How is it possible to think that at this juncture? Here’s the best I can figure:
WAYS TO STILL THINK OBAMA IS DOING A GOOD JOB
* Put a metal bucket on your head and bang it with a wooden spoon so you can neither see nor hear anything.
* Remind yourself that unicorns are everywhere and invisible and will fix things at any moment.
* Declare it opposite day.
* Have no idea what numbers are or their meaning.
* Close your eyes, clap your hands, and keep shouting, “I believe in fairies! And big government!”
* Be a complete sociopath.
* Assume the president has been replaced by his evil, incompetent twin, Oarack Bbama.
* Suffer severe damage to your frontal lobe.
* Be a terrorist rooting for the destruction of America.
* Get a show on MSNBC.
Gaying up football
I’m a football fan. Real football. Not that kickball they play over in Europe, Brazil, or some other God-forsaken place.
American football.
Now, don’t get me wrong. That futball stuff they do in other, lesser places, can be fun. It’s great for keeping a bunch of 5-year olds entertained while the dads hit on the single moms. Plus, when one gets kicked during all that running around and kicking, and the kid gets back up and knocks the bejeezus out of the kid that kicked him, you know he’s now ready for real football.
But, some people like both kinds. Or say they do. That’s like me saying I like my iPad and my Etch-A-Sketch. (Full disclosure: I have the Etch-A-Sketch app for my iPad.)
They’re not the same thing. But, they say they like ’em both, and I’m not gonna call them liars. So, now what? Well, they’ve redesigned all the NFL team logos to look like futball logos.
Here’s the logo for the Falcons (nearest team to me):
Here’s the logo for the Jaguars (next-closest team, and closest to my home town):
That just doesn’t say “football” to me.
Of course, I’m not really a fan of NFL football. I prefer the college game.
Unless they put my Georgia Bulldogs in those silly Power Ranger uniforms again.
I’d rather watch soccer.
Random Thoughts: Impeachment, Obamacare, and Schadenfreude
When the Founding Fathers said impeachment was only for high crimes and misdemeanors, they never imagined we’d have a president this crappy.
I hope Obama ends his speech on Obamacare with, “Now everyone apologize to me.”
The only question from the press to the president at this point should be, “Why are you talking?”
“If you like your plan — and you complain enough — I might let you keep it a little bit longer.”
Will the mental health provisions in Obamacare help treat the extreme schadenfreude Republicans are experiencing right now?
The problem is the people responsible for gerrymandering the Senate are all long dead.
Didn’t We Used to Lead in This Area?
China displayed a model of a lunar rover that they will put on the moon in an upcoming mission.
Meanwhile, NASA’s next big project: putting MoonPies in the break room.