Wow! Guns allowed somewhere in America for the first time ever! Panic!

If college students are too dumb to have guns, probably also shouldn’t have given them the decision power to go $100,000 into debt.

I’m going to pretend I like individual freedom until my Koch brothers money runs out.

A third Bush president? Shouldn’t these sequels be going direct to DVD by now?

I know Hillary gave the Russians a reset button, but did she make sure they actually pushed it?

I think Obama is learning. By the end of his presidency, he’ll have gone from less than useless to achieving parity with uselessness.

I like words. They’re fun.

In America, we love rooting for the underdogs, so maybe a gigantic decline in our nation is just what we need to believe in ourselves again.

Don’t know if Romney would have been a good president, but it’s obvious to anyone with any sense he’d be a way better one.

12 Years a Slave doesn’t sound fun to watch and I’m already pretty firmly against slavery and don’t need further convincing.

Not that it’s relevant again, but where were we with our Star Wars defense technology?

This is like Rocky IV, but instead of Rocky facing Ivan Drago, it’s Paulie.

I’m glad we’re allowed to criticize the president in this country because otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do with half my day.

Already bought Resident Evil 4 for both Gamecube and Wii and played to death on both. Still tempted to buy new HD version for PC.

Not sure what my top 5 games are, but Resident Evil 4 is definitely on that list. Not sure why Capcom didn’t just copy it for the sequels.

Been a while since I’ve worn a wristwatch, so I forgot how I like to quickly pull it back and forward like I’m cocking an arm cannon.

“Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar?”
“I say..”
*lowers shades*
“..render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.”
*Pharisees start breakdancing*

I’ve once again not seen any of the movies nominated for best picture or for any of the acting categories.

I thought I saw a decent number of new releases last year, but I just saw, you know, fun movies.

Do want to see Gravity, though; just haven’t gotten around to it.

The Oscars really humanizes Hollywood since you feel so embarrassed for the presenters.

Visual Effects: The one award where people at home have seen most of the nominees.

The shorts categories are so even the people in Hollywood will know what it’s like to have seen none of the nominees.

Haven’t seen any of the movies nominated for best picture, but I do want to see two of them… but not like buy a movie ticket want.

Hollywood thinks it’s cute when black people believe in God, but threatening when white people do.

I thought his last name was Bono and his first name was Sonny, but I didn’t pay very good attention in history class.

When will medical science figure out what happened to M. Night Shyamalan? Seems like he had a quickly progressing version of Lucas disease.

My wife has been pausing the Oscars, so I’m a bit off live. Anyway, little surprised Argo won best picture.

Ellen DeGeneres is going to be blackballed from winning an Oscar after this.

Cinematography? “Ooh, I can hold a camera and point it at things!” Whatever; shut up.

When Hollywood gets all smug, remember it’s the last place in America left where they can put out jobs that are “Blacks need not apply.”

I’ve never seen such a collection of awful people in one place since… well, I guess the State of the Union. #Oscars

“Let It Go” is good advice for anyone still trying to prop up the Obama presidency.

If Sandra Bullock doesn’t win for best actress, they should at least let her float around in the background during the acceptance speech.

My problem with 12 Years a Slave is shouldn’t there be a spoiling warning for the title?

You can be emotionally stable and a writer. It’s not worth the effort, though.

I wish it was Jason Bateman announcing that “Her” won.

Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t like Gravity.

God was just about to go Sodom and Gomorrah on the Academy Awards, but Matthew McConaughey made Him stay His hand.

Scientists estimate we’ll spend one year of our lives watching the opening sequence to House of Cards.