[High Praise! to Cheezburger]
[Disclaimer: Not an actual text from Oppo. Yet]
Archive of entries posted on 18th March 2014
I’m Assuming That Pi Once Kicked Her Puppy
There are 10 kinds of people in the world.
Those who love pi.
Those who hate pi:
[Anti-Pi Rant, 3/14/14] (Viewer #918,814)
And those who understand trinary.
Where’s the Lorax When You Need Him?
With the drought in California becoming critical, some desperate farmers are trying to find water using dowsing sticks.
Just waiting for the EPA to halt it, claiming the sticks are endangered wood.
Well, That Certainly Clears Things Up
Link of the Day: The History of Mazes
[High Praise! to 4of7 of Little Worlds]
It’s a Maze Thing – The Early Years.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Fat Green Hardship Poor Warming Theories Democracy Tough Sponsors
Remember me? The kid you bullied for being fat? Well guess what, I'm back, and fatter than ever. But now I'm wearing monster energy gear.
— michael (@michaeljhudson) March 17, 2014
To everyone at the office mad at me for forgetting to wear green—I work alone at home, so all this yelling is really starting to unnerve me.
— FrancescoMarciuliano (@fmarciuliano) March 17, 2014
Dear Mr. Obama: please do not tax my son for failing to buy insurance. He had a hardship. Signed, Epstein's Mother
— John Hayward (@Doc_0) March 17, 2014
When you guys joke about Whole Foods, know that it hurts me on a deep & personal level. That place is wonderful. I'm sorry that you're poor.
— Mom™ (@gentilecoont) March 17, 2014
Democrats: Know with absolute certainty human activity is warming the planet. Couldn't possibly calculate how many signed up for Obamacare.
— Rep. Steve Stockman (@SteveWorks4You) March 17, 2014
Fun game:
1. Write down your Flight 370 theories on 4×6 index cards.
2. On blank one on top write, "I wasted time on this."
3. All done!
— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) March 17, 2014
Democracy means I get the government you deserve.
— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) March 17, 2014
Baby I had a tough day at the office, something was making my mouse wheel sticky & hard to rotate – I’m exhausted.
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) March 17, 2014
Doesn't seem fair that only professional athletes and alcoholics get sponsors. 🙁
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) March 17, 2014
I Don’t Get It… Standard Bribe Should’ve Covered Those
One of NYC’s highest-rated and most exclusive restaurants was cited for health violations including rotting fish, soiled dish towels, and no soap in the washrooms.
To their credit, though: no salt shakers on the table.
Obama Warned Us – Wages
I’m going to do what I can to raise wages for hard working Americans.
“Turns out that’s nothing. But meanwhile, I’ll jack up the minimum wage and price a bunch of people completely out of the job market. Take THAT, hard-working Americans!”
Straight Line of the Day: A Sign That Transparency in the Obama Administration Is Getting Worse…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
A sign that transparency in the Obama administration is getting worse…
Robot musicians
Robots have been doing scary things.
There have been robot snakes, pee-drinking robots, pizza-deliverying robot killer whales, killer surgeon robots, …
The list goes on and on. Because robots are taking over the world. Not like we humans have done anything good with it, but still. Robot overlords? Not sure I’m crazy about that idea.
But, maybe not all robots are bad. Maybe they can be here to amuse us. Like the robots that make music.
In Japan, there’s a thing called Z-Machines that will be releasing a record in April called “Music For Robots.” Actually, it’s music by robots. Here’s a sample:
[YouTube]
So, robots aren’t all bad.
Unless this is a plot to keep us entertained while they take over. If so, at least we’ll be entertained while soulless beings with no regard for human decency make the decisions. Kind of like the Democrats in charge. But with entertainment.
Random Thoughts: The Irish, Minimum Wage, and Science
Grr, the one day of year those drunken potato-lickers aren’t ashamed to show their faces.
The luck of the Irish only applies to finding bars.
“Thanks for getting rid o’ the snake, St. Patrick!”
“All I did was put my garden hose back in the shed, you drunken idiots!”
“An increase in minimum wage will increase jobs!” In what universe? Because in this one we have something called math.
A minimum wage increase is a forced increase in the price of labor. What happens when you increase the price of something?
This is like arguing Apple could sell more iPads by increasing the price a hundred bucks.
Why does Russia even want Ukraine? Seems like an awful place to live; it’s always getting invaded.
It seems like modern economic thought is all about convincing us that freedom is bad and that we should ignore math.
When scientists talk about the first microsecond of the universe, I like to keep in mind they still haven’t figured out why animals yawn.
“There is no statute of limitations on murder.” Make sure to check out my short story “Who Murdered the Dinosaurs?”.
I’m going to keep pimping it until you all read it, so you might as well get it done. And sign up at Liberty Island and review it, too.
Die Hard is not a St. Patrick’s Day movie.
iPhone was stuck thinking headphones were in it, but fixed itself over the night. I think water must have gotten in there and shorted things.
“Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” -Santa asking for a Class III weapon registration form at the ATF
Santa is a member of the NRA and frequently carries. He goes into a lot of bad neighborhoods late at night.
And we’re absolutely sure there was a plane.
No Pre-Processing Necessary
A drought-stricken Texas city is implementing a plan to send waste water directly to its water treatment plant.
Very efficient. Like spreading Obamacare promises directly onto a farmer’s field.