[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]
Archive of entries posted on 7th March 2014
I’m Trying to Picture Kennedy & Johnson Doing This During the Cuban Missile Crisis
This is a real thing. I’m at a loss for words in mocking how inappropriate it is:
[President Obama & Vice President Biden Show Us How They Move] (Viewer #1,067,970)
There’s Always a Next Demand
Environmental groups are demanding that the Federal Trade Commission to do away with “dry clean only” labels on the grounds that the chemicals are dangerous.
Next environmentalist demand: that wrinkly, smelly suits be declared “fashionable”.
Obama’s Foreign Policy Skills – The Liberal Fantasy
Link of the Day: Satire – Obama’s Affordable Golf Ball Act
[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]
Obama’s Affordable Golf Ball Act
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: Tornado Optimist Choice NRA Driving Monocles Rookie Question
"What do I do? I flip real-estate." — tornado small talk
— Jason Miller (@longwall26) March 6, 2014
"My bed is half full." – Lonely optimist
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 6, 2014
"I'm happy for you" always seems like the nice way of saying, "Wow, I so would not have made the same choice."
— FrancescoMarciuliano (@fmarciuliano) March 6, 2014
It's fine if you don't like the NRA but running around pretending it's not winning is just pathetic
— Stephen Gutowski (@StephenGutowski) March 6, 2014
#Obummer fact: police can give you a ticket for driving TOO well. It's called Wreckless Driving.
— michael (@michaeljhudson) March 6, 2014
Monocles are making a fashion comeback. They're great for people who have trouble seeing that they look like a complete douche
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) March 6, 2014
Welcome to the force, rookie, here's your badge and gun. And here's some Kleenex because sometimes those perps say pretty hurtful things
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) March 6, 2014
Remember kids, there’s no such thing as a dumb question.
“Um is Shrek related to the ninja turtles?”
Get out of my class you stupid idiot.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) March 7, 2014
Which Superhero Do You Call for This Crime Wave?
A new study claims that as global warming heats up the planet, crime will increase.
Mostly, I assume, in the form of fraudulent applications for global warming research grants.
Obama Warned Us – Ash Wednesday
“Today, Michelle and I join our fellow Christians in the United States and around the world in marking Ash Wednesday.”
“See? I said ‘our fellow Christians’. Told you I was a Christian. Although I suppose a real Christian wouldn’t have to keep pointing out his faith.”
Straight Line of the Day: Biggest Problem During Obama Speeches – Fainting Audience Members. Obama’s Solution…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Biggest problem during Obama speeches – fainting audience members. Obama’s solution…
Wake up to bacon
Did ya hear about the new app and iPhone dongle from Oscar Mayer?
It’s an alarm clark app that runs on your iPhone. And when the alarm sounds, it sounds like bacon. And, looks like bacon.
And … and here’s the best part … it smells like bacon. If, and that’s a big if, you have the dongle. It plugs into your iPhone and, when the alarm sounds, emits the aroma of bacon. So you can wake to the sight, sound, and smell of bacon.
Here’s the problem: you can’t buy one. You have to register to win one at an Oscar Mayer Website. I entered. Didn’t win. Entered again. Still didn’t win. Maybe they’ve given them all away. Or maybe I’m just not lucky enough to win one.
But, if you have one, I’d love to hear about it. Does it really work? I assume it does, but since I don’t know anyone who has one, I’ve not heard first-hand about it.
Wait a minute. Suppose they don’t have any, and never had any? What if every entry gets the same response: Sorry, you didn’t win. I mean, what if it’s a scam? They’re getting news coverage about it, stupid bloggers are going to their Website and registering and then writing up about it so that others can go to the Website…
Um.
I think I’ll just go eat some bacon. Which is really what they wanted all along. But that’s okay. It’s what I want too.
Prayer Request
Random Thoughts: CPAC, War on Women, and Colbert
So when do I teach my kids about strangers and land sharks?
The only reason I’m humble is that I’m so awesome that it takes way too long to explain exactly how great I am.
One of these days I’ll make it to CPAC. Don’t bother going until then.
I am told the trailer for the new Transformers movie is worth watching. I am incredulous.
In the War on Women I’ve been accused of sleeping with the enemy.
I thought we ended the War on Women with the Great Sammich Compromise of ’83?
If you bump into the president and say, “Pardon me.” and he nods, are you now pardoned for all your crimes?
I understand why people find Stephen Colbert funny, but I’ve always found him insufferable myself.
I hope no one finds out I made Bitcoin.
To Whom It May Concern: Those strong feelings you have aren’t actually outrage; it’s partisanship.
Grandpa’s Secret
While climate scientists got it wrong, last summer’s Farmers’ Almanac predicted this winter would be “bitterly cold”.
Apparently what climate scientists really need is a good arthritic knee.