Archive of entries posted on 14th March 2014

Art History for the Poli Sci Major

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[High Praise! to Anonymiss of Nuking Politics]

[From “The best way to recognize the artists of paintings” – link contains some adult language and artistic nudity]

Remember When Presidents Talked Like This?

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[High Praise! to The Astute Bloggers]

From Reagan’s 1964 “A Time for Choosing” speech.

)
[Reagan – Peace this Second if we Surrender]

The most remarkable thing about this speech is that – at the time he gave it – it was unremarkable for a man to say such things in public.

I Was Furry Before Furry Was Cool

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The latest trend: hipsters getting expensive “facial hair transplant” surgery to make their beards look thicker and less patchy.

Imagine that. Taking out a second mortgage so you can look like you’re homeless.

First Time I’ve Seen This Argument, and It’s a Good One

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[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg]

The right to privacy:

All of these spying scandals could be cleared up quickly if it was pointed out how they all violated Roe v Wade.

…or maybe NSA’s nosiness can get Roe v Wade overturned. Either way it’s a win.

Link of the Day: Harsh, But Fair

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[High Praise! to The Matt Walsh Blog]

The four harsh truths that everyone in my generation needs to accept

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Wisdom of the Day: Allowance Tax Peter Doctor Harassment Satan Tweet

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Harry Reid Is Doing the Right Thing

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Speaking on the Senate Floor, Harry Reid said the Obamacare “horror stories” making the news are “all untrue.”

Even worse, they’re giving people a false sense of optimism that their experiences might be as good.

Obama Warned Us – Be Great

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If you don’t let anyone tell you something is out of your reach, not only will you be great, this country will be great.

@BarackObama

“By the way, working more than 30 hours a week at your job is out of reach. Ain’t that great?”

Straight Line of the Day: George HW Bush Shaved His Head to Show Support for a Cancer Patient. Who Would Obama Show Support for and How?

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[High Praise! to Anonymiss of Nuking Politics for this one]

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

George HW Bush shaved his head to show support for a cancer patient. Who would Obama show support for and how?

Little Worlds art, No. 2

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A while back, I received some art from 4of7, a regular visitor and commenter on IMAO. He is an artist, and has his own blog, Little Worlds, where you can view some of his art.

Here’s another one of the pieces of art 4of7 shared, and that I’m please to now share with you.

ArtOfDonScholand - 2

Fun With Cubes #2 – City Block. Copyright © 2013 Don Scholand. Used with permission.

I have more I’ll share in a future post.

It’s Always Sunny in Washington, DC – Joe Helps Gore Save the Environment Part 3

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Barack: What? So you think evolution isn’t science now?  Dude, evolution is totally science.  It is the most science there is.  It’s the foundation of all science.

Gore: Aside from global warming, of course, dude.

Barack: Well, of course global warming too.  And GMOs.

Joe: And vaccines too, dude.  Don’t forget vaccines.  Don’t want to catch the autism, dude.  Don’t want to catch that.  Not catching it.

Barack: Or root rot.  Did you forget your root rot vaccine, Al?  You really should get that treated, dude. Nasty, oozy stuff, dude.  Oozing out of stumpy.

Gore: I do not have root rot, you freakin’ morons. It was wheat grass.  Just wheat grass, dudes.

Barack: But you’re distracting me, dude.  Totally distracting.  We were talking about evolution.  It’s totally science, dude.  You’ve heard of fossils, right dude?  You’ve heard of fossils?

Kerry: Fossils?  Pah.  Fossils.  Everyone is always making a big deal about fossils.  They’re just nature’s Rorschach blots, dude. Just the inkblots of nature.  You just see what you want to see, dude.  Just see what you want to see.  Like when you see scary faces and stuff in shag carpeting and textured ceilings and stuff, dude.

Joe: Or Jesus in a burrito.

Kerry: Yes, I mean, no. Not that, dude.  Not that.  Those sightings are legit, dude.  Don’t be dissing my Jesus burrito.  But like Mount Rushmore, dude.  You know Mount Rushmore?  You look up there and you see those faces, right, you can see those faces?  How did they get there, dude?  It’s a sign dude, a total sign. Only God could have known who those presidents would have been.  Only God could have seen the future and put those heads on the mount.  I bet that is even where he did his sermon, dude.  Proof of creation, dude.  Total proof.

Barack: You’re an idiot, dude.  A total idiot.  You don’t even have religion right.  But science?  We give up.  Science doesn’t even want you anymore. We don’t want you.  Consider yourself rejected by science.  People sculpted Mount Rushmore, dude.  It was sculpted.  Like a bunch of artists and stuff did that. It’s not, like, natural, dude.  Not natural. Not naturally occurring.

Kerry: As if.  Do you know how crazy you sound? You know how crazy?  Totally crazy, dude.  Like you will believe any crazy idea like Mount Rushmore was a big, conspiratorial art project.  It’s all in your head, dude.  You just believe what you want to believe.  Same thing with the fossils, dude.   It’s all in your mind.  All in your head, dude.  That’s why to me all fossils look like gay cowboys eating pudding.  And firemen.  Shirtless, blackened firemen.  Sweaty, glistening….

Joe: Dude, is that why you are banned from the Natural History Museum?  Is that why they have your picture on the wall by the register?  The one with the censor bars across the front?

Kerry: Clean up on aisle six, dude.  Totally.  They have some really great stuff in that pre-cambrian section.  I have all the photo gallery books at home.  I’m getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it, dudes.  You need a massage, Barack?

Barack: No, I do not.  Get your freaky hands off of me.  You’re a freak, dude.  Does Theresa know about this, dude?  Does Theresa know about it?

Kerry: Oh, you know her.  She’s totally cool about it.  Buys me trilobites every anniversary and makes a little trail with them to the bedroom, dude.  You know Theresa.  She’s one of a kind.  I fell in love with her the first time I saw her father’s money.

Barack: You’re a freak, dude.  A total freak.  You’re the only one who sees erotica in the fossil record, dude.  The only one.  No one else sees it, dude.  No one else.  Everyone else sees a progressive evolution of life, dude.  They see apes turning into people, dude.  And stuff like that.

Kerry: Apes turning into people, dude.  Do you know how crazy you sound?  Monkeys turning into people.  If monkeys turned into people, then answer me this, dude.  Huh, answer me this.  Why are there still monkeys, dude?  Why are there still monkeys, then dude?   If a monkey gave birth to a human, why didn’t they just kill it dude?  It would be, like, some weak little bald hairless freak. No monkey momma would want that, dude.  And no monkey would want to mate with it, dude. Not even the desperate ugly monkeys. It would be, like, a total pariah.  Like Hillary, dude.  Just like Hillary.  Would you nail a monkey dude?  Would you nail a monkey?

Joe: Or an Asian?

Kerry: Or any other subhuman primate, really?

Gore: Well, he did bang Kerry.

Barack: I did not bang Kerry!

Joe: And Michelle.  And I saw his internet history, dude.  Chock full of Asian porn.  Or was it that Animal Planet mating stuff.  I can never tell those apart.

Barack: Oh, you are so racist.  You are such an evil, bloody racist.

Joe: Monkeys aren’t a race, dude.  They’re a species.  Like a totally different species.  Like Asians.  Or like you.

Barack: Oh, you did not just say that.  I did not just hear those words come out of your mouth. You are such a racist.

Joe: I’m not racist, dude.  The word is xenophobic.  I’m xenophobic, dude.

Barack: Xenopho..? What?  What the….?

Joe: I know your secret, dude.  I know.  It’s okay.  I’m okay with it.  I’ve always known.  I know you are a reptilian, dude.  A snaky, freaky reptilian.

Barack: What the…..

Joe: You don’t have to play dumb with us anymore, dude. I know.  We all know.  You are a blood drinking, shape-shifting, reptilian humanoid from Alpha Draconis conspiring to enslave humans and warm the planet so it is suitable for your race of cold-blooded monsters.

Barack: What the….

Joe: Don’t worry.  I’m okay with it.  Just put me in charge of the slaves or herds or whatever or make me a breeder or something.  I’ve noticed stuff, dude. You say you are all environmental and green and stuff, but oil production is up, dude. Under your watch, US oil production is like way, way up.  And every green company you invest tax money in goes bankrupt, dude.  Every one.  Every single one.  Totally bankrupt.  Does anyone else see a pattern here?  A global warming pattern.  Are you using your advanced alien technology to mess with our satellites and weather balloons too, dude?  Making us think the warming has stopped when we know it hasn’t. The models say it is warming.  The thermometers say it is not. Who you gonna believe, dude?  Who you gonna believe?  I know who I believe.  I believe in science.  Quick, Al, grab him!  Don’t let him escape!

To be continued, maybe, if I feel like it.

Dang… She Caught Me

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Anonymiss of Nuking Politics points out, correctly, that whatever age I am, it officially ends in .5 today.

Also, she invites you to do something fun.

Random Thoughts: Koch Brothers, Reid, and Facts

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Did Koch brothers cause Obamacare to be a an epic failure, or is that just because the Dems are useless screwups who shouldn’t have power?

Amazon got me. I would pay $20 more a year from Prime service.

Just realized that Keanu Reeves first name is “Keanu.” What kind of name is that? Na’vi?

“And it’s through their manipulation that–”
“Senator Reid, you’re not wearing pants.”
*looks down, then shakes fist in air
“KOCH BROTHERS!”

Have people in failing inner cities thought of voting for Democrats?

The Pew Research Center isn’t working on the development of laser guns?

100 years from now when people read that 90+% of blacks voted for the election/reelection of Obama, who will that reflect poorly on?

I forget — has it been proven Harry Reid is a pedophile or does he just really really look like one?

Considering how many thousands of planes are in the air every day, airlines lose track of relatively few.

We should change the national slogan to “You don’t have a right to other people’s money.” and put that on the dollar bill.

Democrats could ride this Darrell Issa thing all the way to victory in November.

“Republicans are nutbag, racist extremists! Let’s make the government they’re often in charge of more powerful!” -the left

Lot of wasted energy getting people to hate some politicians and like others when it would be more efficient to convince people to hate them all.

Grover Cleveland was a black belt in kung fu. #TweetAnUberFact

According to the Bible, Noah invented the headbutt and used it to keep the animals in line. #TweetAnUberFact

Snakes move using magnets. #TweetAnUberFact

A grizzly bear is incapable of getting out of a full nelson. #TweetAnUberFact

Indians only used every part of the buffalo if you count “grossing out girls” as a use. #TweetAnUberFact

The chihuahua is more closely related to lizards than to other dogs. #TweetAnUberFact

Canned food was invented 20yrs before the can opener; everyone complained about the jerk sealing food in impenetrable cans. #TweetAnUberFact

Scientists voted to make Pluto no longer a planet when it tried to challenge them on global warming. #TweetAnUberFact

Though most people think Obama was born in Kenya, he was in fact from his mother’s womb untimely ripped. #TweetAnUberFact

Jimmy Carter once had to lock himself in a room and call 911 when attacked by a 20 pound cat. #TweetAnUberFact

Though fiction has portrayed them as mortal enemies, in real life ninjas and pirates teamed up to fight vikings. #TweetAnUberFact

It’s very inaccurate to fire two handguns at the same time unless diving through the air. #TweetAnUberFact

Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. #TweetAnUberFact

Scientist have in fact determined that Frank J. Fleming is the sexiest man alive. Especially lady scientists. #TweetAnUberFact

Pirates did not say “Arr!” In fact, the letter ‘r’ was not invented until after the end of the Golden Age of Piracy. #TweetAnUberFact

Russia was never Communist; that was simply a vicious rumor started against them by Senator Jenny McCarthy, #TweetAnUberFact

The peanut is not a true nut. In fact, nothing is a true nut. ‘Nut’ is simply an ideal some foods strive for. #TweetAnUberFact

Before George W. Bush, the last U.S. president to actively try to take over the world was James K. Polk. #TweetAnUberFact

The dean’s rap at the beginning of last night’s Community was one of the funniest things ever.

It’s Dependent on Genetics

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Scientists have created a “Death Test” which predicts the chance of a healthy person dying from a medical condition in the next five years.

It’s one question: “do you have relatives on an Obamacare panel?”