If government is my mom, why am I the one paying the allowance?
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) March 13, 2014
The next season of #HouseOfCards might not film in DC and Baltimore.
For tax reasons.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) March 13, 2014
*Jesus turns to Peter*
And Peter, you shall be my rock
*Peter transforms into Dwayne Johnson*
Alright now stand outside heaven & look tough
— sadvil (@crylenol) March 13, 2014
Keep your doctor change your Senator. I like that slogan
— Tim Jansen (@rtimjansen) March 13, 2014
CBS News celebrates the narrow window between when Anita Hill showed sexual harassment was wrong and Bill Clinton showed it didn't matter.
— Patrick Henrys Ghost (@Pissed_Pat) March 13, 2014
I get criticizing bad journalism. But did anyone think that, forced to choose between @TedCruz and Satan, the media wouldn't back Satan?
— Just Karl (@justkarl) March 13, 2014
*takes hit of oxygen* Yeah, grandson, we tweeted it all. Space Bud and Air Jam. Diaper stuff. Didn't matter. We were invincible.
— Brandon Gutermuth (@UNTRESOR) March 14, 2014