Screen capture from Winning at Everything:
Re: WaE’s title – I’ll point out that, if government gets increasingly worse, then every generation is correct.
And every generation has been correct since… well… I’ll let YOU tell me what the turning point was… in the comments, please.
A new alarm app and device for the iPhone will emit a bacon smell at whatever time you set it for.
So there will finally be one guy you won’t be angry at for not shutting his phone off in the theater.
(Submitted by Anonymiss of Nuking Politics via Viral Tales [High Praise!])
These 19 Ambient Advertisements Are Pure Genius
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Yeah it's a scooter *takes off helmet* it's like a motorcycle for people who talk about their feelings
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) March 19, 2014
RIGHT NOW in an L.A. Starbucks, some screenwriter dude is typing the character description "She's beautiful but doesn't know it."
— Bill Corbett (@BillCorbett) March 20, 2014
I still think about the time I said "thornks" to a hot girl that held a door open for me two years ago once or twice a day.
— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) March 20, 2014
This guy at the bar I'm at is wearing a knitted Mexican poncho and instead of judging him I'm worried that I should be wearing one too
— The Ruffalo Shuffle (@RuffaloShuffle) March 21, 2014
99 percent of working in TV is walking around frantically holding a piece of paper
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 21, 2014
On Fox News, one of the architects of Obamacare said “you don’t need a doctor for every part of your health care”.
What we REALLY don’t need is idiot bureaucrats deciding for us which part is which.
Those at the top are doing better than ever, but for the average family, wages have barely budged.
“Let me be clear – this administration will budge those wages down where they belong.”
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
President Obama ruled out military action against Russia. Also ruled out…
Back in 2009, a man in Hampshire — the old one in the UK, not the New one that lives next to Vermont — found a Dalek head in a pond.
They don’t really know how a villain from Doctor Who ended up losing its head in a pond, and this mystery has been simmering for five years. There were some episodes filmed in Hampshire in Season 22 of Doctor Who, but apparently not at the pond where the Dalek head was found. In a recent follow-up news story from earlier this month, there was still no confirmation of it being from that Doctor Who serial. Or any.
Well, after reading the follow-up, Harvey put me on the task of finding out where it came from. And, in the time since, I’ve been reviewing episodes involving Daleks, hoping to find evidence of the origin of the Dalek head. But, it remained a mystery.
And then, I looked at IMAO. And I found the answer. Frank had the answer the whole time: the Navy SEALs did it.
Think about it. What did they do with Osama? They shot him in the head and chucked him into the water.
Those Somali pirates? Shot them in the head and chucked them into the water.
It’s what they do: shoot the bad guys in the head and chuck them into the water.
According to the documentary I’ve been watching, the Daleks have invaded Earth several times, and were defeated each time. We saw The Doctor defeating them. But really, could some guy wearing anything from frilly shirts to overlong scarves to celery stalks to funny hats hope to bring down the Daleks by himself? Or by himselves? No. But, with help from the Navy SEALs, the Daleks could be defeated. The Doctor would do some silly thing involving a clever turn of a phrase, while the Navy SEALs would shoot them in the head and chuck them in the water.
The Navy SEALs method is a little more effective. Just ask Osama. Or the fish that ate him.
A good strategy for a Democrat running in a red state in 2014 would be to claim to be a double agent trying to take Obama down from inside. “But keep it quiet.”
Now that oil companies can cause earthquakes with their fracking, maybe people should be nicer to them.
“They fracked so hard, it caused an earthquake.” -anti-oil protestor or really dirty line from Battlestar Galactica
They should do a Duck Soup reboot where Russia tries to annex Freedonia.
Obama is really looking forward to 2017 when he gets his presidential participation trophy.
“I’M NOT LEAVING UNTIL SOMEONE LETS ME BE CLEAR!” -Obama, January 20, 2017
I think Obama will be happy to leave in 2017… unless Hillary wins, since she’ll rip out his heart and eat it to gain his powers.
Easy way for Obama to pwn Putin: Have dinner with him with lots of beans. When Putin farts, make sure he’s stuck with nickname “Tootin’.”
That foreign policy advice will be one million dollars.
Hey, look, Fred Phelps brought everyone together!
It would be nice if you had to demonstrate your economic theories in World of Warcraft before trying them on the real world.
Don’t you see, people? They’re just bouncing a ball back and forth on a court to no purpose! It’s madness! PURE MADNESS!
Is there a sort of insurance I can buy to protect my finances against people electing Democrats?
Freedom means that if someone has more money than you, you don’t just take it by force. People don’t like freedom.
Sometimes we need to stop arguing politics and just acknowledge that regardless of our views, we all care enough to boss each other around.
Hurm. You can tip through the new Starbucks app. There goes my excuse that I never have cash on me.
A new study shows that Los Angeles has the worst traffic in the nation.
Well, there’s only one obvious solution: a new tax on people who don’t own cars.