So, as I may have mentioned, I have a story (read it; it’s fun!) over at Liberty Island, and so far the site has gotten a nice bit of publicity. But now suddenly, it’s also gotten some haters. Over at something called alicublog, a bunch of hippies are shaking their tiny fists about Liberty Island and Jamie Wilson’s story Murder at CPAC. And over at Lawyers, Guns, & Money, you have leftists screeching, “That’s not funny!” about Ken Lizzi’s story Sacred Cows.

In a way, this is baffling. The left are always talking about how thuggish and primitive conservatives are, but here are conservatives not engaging in their usual forms of entertainment — watching poor people getting hurt or playing chicken with the yachts they bought with their tax cuts for the rich — but instead venturing into the sophisticated world of literature. You’d think liberals would want to encourage this — maybe it could lead into the evolution of conservatives into something greater and more nuanced — but instead at these site the left are all stomping their feet and gnashing their teeth at the very idea of conservative fiction. They mock it — most without even having read any of it — screaming, “It must be awful since it’s conservatives; otherwise, that would challenge my simplistic world view!”

Why is this? Well, if you let me put on my psychologist hat for a moment (it’s a bowler hat with a big ‘P’ on the front if you’re trying to visualize it), it’s because of the left’s deep-seated insecurity about their own political views. And that insecurity has only increased since Obama has taken office. In 2008, the left had the presidency and giant majorities in the House and Senate. And what did that lead to? A progressive utopia? No, just the malfunctioning, constantly delayed Obamacare. And now as reality constantly yells at them, “You’re idiots!” they desperately try to block that out and stay locked in their failing ideology. One way is to convince themselves the other side is all evil, racist thugs so they won’t even be tempted to consider another viewpoint. And another way is to retreat to the world of fiction; reality rejected their ideas, but in worlds where fairies, unicorns, and competent politicians exist, their progressive ideas still work.

But then here comes Liberty Island, and now both their conception of conservatives and their safe world of fiction is under attack. Thus, these hippies have worked themselves up into one big smelly frenzy, trying to tear down what they don’t understand while back-patting each other over how they’re the sophisticated ones. It’s tough work keeping a mind firmly closed.

But the truth is, fiction was never quite the safe place that the left has envisioned it to be. Fiction only works when it speaks to truth, and that always ends up with their collectivist ideals and giant, overbearing government being the villain. For instance, remember when Star Trek: The Next Generation started out trying to make the main villains Ferengi capitalists? But then people ended up hating Wesley Crusher more than the Ferengi. Eventually, the show found its footing when it finally went with collectivist enemies: the Borg. But from another perspective, aren’t the Borg a progressive ideal (“Be assimilated, and you will get free health care!”)? With conservatives writing fiction, though, they won’t have to make such a long journey to reach the truth.

Anyway, part of this leads to why the left are so extra angry lately. Deep in their hearts, they understand they are the villains, using the giant government to push people around and enforce their collectivist ideas (“But we’re doing it for the greater good; a villain would never say that!”). They run from it, though, by attacking others — including the quality fiction at Liberty Island. I don’t know how to help these people… well, actually I do, as I have a self-help book called Punch Your Inner Hippie coming out that tells you how to defeat the root of failure inside you and not just be a whiny loser who wants to tear others down. Of course, when you punch the hippie inside you, you need to have some non-hippie left to take over, so use at your own risk.

But the book won’t be out until November. So I guess the angry little people at these blogs will just have to occupy themselves with other things until then. Such as playing hacky sack. Or camping out in front of banks and yelling for no discernible reason. Or reading the great stories over at Liberty Island. It might be odd at first to them to read a story where the culprit behind it all isn’t the Koch brothers, but they can adjust. There’s no reason to be scared of us. All we’re here for is to bring you entertainment.

And to see everything you love burn.

But in a good way!

Actually, I think I look pretty spiffy in my psychologist hat; I’m going to wear it the rest of the day.