[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]
Archive of entries posted on 2nd September 2014
Nothing Special
An Arizona sheriff said that ICE told him to release illegals and “treat them as any other citizen”.
So… they want him to eavesdrop on their phone calls?
Bullies Choose Soft Targets
Link of the Day: I’ve Read a Lot About This Superhero
[High Praise! to Neatorama]
If you skim headlines on the internet, odds are you’ve heard of this guy and his amazing powers:
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
Wisdom of the Day: War Resume Dress ATM Table Towel Fireworks Raccoon Dentist Photos Swords Commit
Wait, what’s “competitive shooting?” I always thought that was just called “war."
— Aaron Burdette (@AaronBurdette) August 29, 2014
As you can see from my résumé, I know how to make those little line things over the e’s.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) August 29, 2014
"That dress looks amazing on you!!" says Pinocchio, holding a hacksaw behind his back
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) August 30, 2014
If you conduct more than one transaction at the ATM, you are a monster.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) August 30, 2014
Sometimes my girlfriend will ask me to set the table & I have to remind her that because of my judo training we don't have a table anymore.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) August 30, 2014
I'm the decorative hand towel of people: charming but utterly useless.
— Allegory of the Dave (@Chandiggity) August 30, 2014
Being an adult is basically that feeling when the fireworks are over and it's time to go home, but all the time.
— patrick (@tastefactory) August 31, 2014
*chasing raccoon*
"go! get! no one likes you! my wife is right *clutches tiny sweater I made for him and fights tears* you'd be a gross pet"
— Brent (@murrman5) August 31, 2014
The dentist stabs you in the heart with one of his tools.
The walls are painted red.
"You're bleeding because you don't floss enough"
— I Am Quetzalcoatlus (@Beesthegame) September 1, 2014
If Jennifer Lawrence really wanted to keep her photos from ever being seen, she should've stored them with Lois Lerner's emails.
— Razor (@hale_razor) September 1, 2014
Live by too many swords, get featured on Hoarders
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) September 1, 2014
Really, babe? Too immature to commit? Then why'd I write our names in that public bathroom with Sharpie, the most permanent marker there is?
— Matt McElaney (@MattMcElaney) September 2, 2014
That’ll Fix It
In Philadelphia, a disgruntled ex-cop carrying a loaded gun bypassed metal detectors at a federal building and entered the FBI’s office after flashing a fake police badge.
Just waiting for liberals to start demanding better metal detectors.
Obama Warned Us – For the Vets
LIVE: President Obama delivers remarks about improving health care quality and access for veterans. http://ofa.bo/q0WN
“You know… that thing I could’ve done any time in the last 6 years and didn’t.”
Straight Line of the Day: Hackers Hit President Obama’s iCloud Account and Discovered…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Hackers hit President Obama’s iCloud account and discovered…
Random Thoughts: Feminism, Nude Photos, and Unions
FUN FACT: Feminism was invented by Virginia Slims cigarettes as a marketing ploy.
Are progressives theoretically willing to shoot people over plastic bags? If someone keeps using them, you’ll send people with guns to stop them?
It’s a good idea to take nude photos of yourself in case you forget what you look like nude and don’t have time to take your clothes off.
This is all good news for my new business, SecureNudeStorage.com .
Jennifer Lawrence is just happy hackers didn’t get that video of her pretending to be Darth Maul.
They allow nude pictures on the internet?
Most women’s hard drives are filled up with nothing but recipes they saved from Pinterest and nude selfies.
There are still unions in the 21st century?
What happened to the dinosaurs was they unionized and were replaced by more efficient mammals.
Why do we need a day to celebrate laborers? It’s not a charitable service they’re providing; they get paid for it.
Please, leave gaming a refuge from stupid politics. I just want to blow up and kill things in peace. #GamerGate
The tolerance police are basically the modern day puritans. We need less tolerance for the insufferably self-righteous.
Before taking nude photos, make sure to weigh the best possible outcome of that versus the risks.
Dead Giveaway
A new app tells you if the business you’re shopping at leans right politically.
Or, you can just check for their name in a Supreme Court case title.