Supposing — just supposing — somehow you knew the date and hour of your death. What would you want to do beforehand? Assuming, of course, you’ve made your peace with you-know-who.
- Check to see if you have an estate.
2. If the answer to number 1 is “no,” run up your credit card to the maximum limit.
3. Regret it and feel sorry for the poor, innocent credit card company.
4. Buy FrnakJ’s latest novel, available wherever fine books are sold.
5. Feed the damn cat.
And what else?
#1
I would finalize my plans, after notarized, to have my cremated body ashes to be placed in a huge tumbleweed because I’ve always wanted to just tumble along like a tumblin tumbleweed.
I want a Viking funeral, or one like old King Tut…
You want to be a mummy? I’m getting claustrophobic just thinking about it…3 shots of some Peach Schnapps always does the trick.
How much life insurance can you sign up for in a day?
6) Help out Harvey by sending him some State Metal of Alabama: automobile rust along with a Top Ten List of his best Top Ten Lists.
7) Send Basil a not Basil plant as a parting gift.
8) Throw poo at Scary Evil Monkey’s face and nail it..
9) Send Frnak a box of Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get!
10) Submit evidence and a mathematical proof that Heisenberg was wrong. (Where did THAT come from?)
Find an intern to adopt the DamnCat.
Find a cop, make a scene, have them kneel on my neck and scream “I can’t breathe”.
Won’t work unless you’re a non white.
You sure about that?
It’ll work if you’re white, but nobody except you and that cop will ever know it happened.
I’m going to create a cypher-based puzzle that contains all of my passwords, just for fun…
Bequest my millions to the first church to name a front pew, “SomeDudeInHeaven”.
I got your pew right here – transfer information to follow…
6) crawl out of the ocean and say
IT’S…
While giving a presentation in the middle of a meeting, excuse myself and say, “I’ll be back in just a moment.”
Tell my grandchildren a story about some of my youthful shenanigans. End it by saying, “And if what I said isn’t true, may God strike me down right here!”
I don’t know about any other steps, but #5 is really important. Because if you don’t feed the cat before you expire, you will…well…feed the cat. Afterwards.
As opposed to a dog:
https://www.unilad.com/news/richard-moore-finney-jack-russell-454846-20231116
…hold my beer.
1) Max my credit cards with rental car agencies for the day of my funeral. Everyone should be impressed when they have to park 6 blocks away because the lot is full. (That ends when they get inside the church and wonder why there are 400 cars in the lot, but see only 8 people inside – 6 church staff and 2 people who think they are in my will)
2) What the heck, I might as well give all this evidence against Hillary to the DA. What could possibly go wrong now?
3) Resign myself to the fact that I will be voting multiple times for Democrats in every election from now on, in every state!
Arrange to have my ashes made into skipping stones for my daughters to skip across a stream.
Finally get that Corvette I’ve always wanted and go for a fun, spirited, drive.