Is society not giving you what you think it owes you?
Then it’s time to get yourself the IMAO Race Card™!
Yes, you’ve heard of the Race Card™, but now, exclusively from IMAO, you can own one yourself. It’s like a “Get Out of Jail Free” card, but much much more.
Losing an argument in a debate?
Throw down your Race Card™ and quickly hush your opponent.
Not getting the respect you deserve?
Throw down your Race Card™ and see people rush to accommodate you.
Don’t think that job interview is going well?
Throw down your Race Card™ and VP is as good as yours.
Remember: If it can’t be solved by racial animosity, then it can’t be solved.
So get yourself the IMAO Race Card™ – The card that trumps them all!
No guarantees on effectiveness of the Race Card™, especially if who you’re playing it against someone who also has a Race Card™. IMAO and its subsidiaries (of which there are none) are not responsible for any rioting that may break out over misuse of the Race Card™. If using the Race Card™ causes abdominal cramps that last for more than a day, consult a doctor.
Is the race card effective against:
1 Ninjas?
2 Monkeys?
3 Chomps?
Dy-No-Mite!
Can I be a licensed reseller here at the University of Michigan?
As a member of my race, I am offended.
Is it true that the Race Rard is ineffective against the Heavily Armed and Angry Group card?
If Race Card results in erections lasting more than four hours, seek medical attention.
The Race Card is less effective when played against the Gender Card, and is hopelessly outmatched when played against the both the Gender Card AND another Race Card.
And if gets played against the “Triple Threat” (Race, Gender, AND Sexual Preference Cards used in conjunction) it passes to insignificance.
dave,
I’ve started to realize that the commercials on during Sunday morning political talk shows are not aimed at 24 year olds.
Mike,
Bah! The Race Card™ is much more powerful that all those other cards combined. You can’t get off scott-free from a double murder with a Gender Card.
Frank, you have violated copyright of the MTV Race cards. We seek to sue you for unauthorised use of an MTV trademark. Accept your guilt.
Can a white person use the race card?
Thats what I was thinking. Would white trash such as I be able to deploy the Race Card in a tactical manner? Or should I continue using my Heavily Armed card? My wallet already has enough cards in it as it is.
Duke makes a good point. It doesn’t matter how many race cards you have, if you are a white male property owner you are SOL and must revert to the Heavily Armed card. But I’m wondering if the race card would work for my husband, he’s half Italian so he’s only whitish.
When confronted with the race card, I usually use the phrase: Don’t make me come over there and oppress you.
Frank, do you have a card for Sinistrals, the forgotten minority. I demand universal accomodation for my manual orientation and I think a card would help my cause.
You know I’ve heard of this race card for years, but finally I get to see what it looks like.
I’m too busy playing my “Frickin’ Genius” card to mess with a race card. Besides, I’m white.
I should make a fake Pokemon card that works like the Race card.
Playing “The” Card
Damnit! Frank’s playing ‘The Race Card’!! Another poor victim!…
Hot Wheels and Linux boxes
I slept late. I had to pour out my first pot of coffee because it tasted like bleach (aside: am I the only one whose mother cannot be left unattended because she will clean things to within an inch of their lives?). I woke up with a sore throat and…
In addition, you may play your Race Card with the additional help from the Economic Factors card, allowing your poor, minority ass a leg up on the better qualified(read ‘oppressor’) competition.
The race card’s power obviously is dervied from who uses it, and is more effective depending on the users economic situation. A rich person playing the race card can really only use it at trial, while a lower-income person can use it everyday and everywhere with the only Trump being a Race/Gender combo against it.
Frank J:
I think it can be fun to play the race card when you have no right to play the race card. Telling someone that they would not treat you that way if you were not a minority, when there is absolutely no evidence that you are a minority, completely shuts a liberal up.
They don’t dare ask you what minority you are, not PC, so they stutter and eventually just shut up.
I admit playing the Heavily Armed card also works well on liberals, but they tend to whine about it later.
Frank said: You can’t get off scott-free from a double murder with a Gender Card.
Mike says: The alluded to double murder did indeed have a Race Card in play, but it was the Celebrity Card that won the day. Sure hope OJ finds that murderer. Search those golf courses Juice… who knows… it could be his own caddy…
The Celebrity Card has worked wonders for many, from Robert Downey to Winona Ryder. Michael Jackson actually has the Race and Celebrity Cards in play right now. He may yet still play the Gender and Sexual Preference Cards as well, but no one’s sure if he has them…. not even him.
The true test comes when the Celeb Card is used in a case where the crime caused the accused to become a celebrity. Example – if Scott Peterson gets off, then the Celebrity Card truly trumps all.
The verdict is still out on the success of the Celeb Card usage by the parents of Jon Benet Ramsey…
That is too funny.
How can Michal Jackson play the race card? His is white. Can I play the race card even if I am not a minority?
Dear me, have we forgotten all about the “PMS Card” which surely trumps all of the aforementioned?
Slap one of those suckers down on your employer’s desk and watch him run to the phone with speed unimaginable to call you cab to go home.
I think this could be a great idea for another shirt. let me kow what you think.
There is no proof of race. Anyone can assert the Race Card™ and say they’re a minority… though some may be skeptical. If people are skeptical, then hit them with the Race Card™! That will shut them up!
I would be careful using the Race Card around Chomps. I just get this picture of Popeye and Spinach . . .
Frank, can we get a Race Card made of some heavy-duty material that inflicts actual physical pain (along with the emotional pain of being hopelessly shut up) when one is hit with it?
Hmm,
“Your well-reasoned arguments are no match against my. . . RACE BAT!!!”
I’ll take 8!
Patrick:
They make a Trump card? I want one of those! Imagine, the new Trump Card. You play this in a court, interview, etc, and watch as Donald Trump buys off everyone.
Affirmative Action Poker
Was that policeman disrespectful to you? Did you not get a raise last year? Do you think your grades are too low? Not hired for that job you interviewed for? Did you kill your wife? If you answered “Yes” to…
Morphius, I though it was a Trump pet ?
Morphius, I’ll take 8!
TO: Frank J
RE: The ‘Race’ Card…
…void when in the hands of a JOOOOOOO in France/Germany/Belgium/anywhere in the Middle East and many places here.
Regards,
Chuck(le)
[There are exceptions to every rule.]
Can the Race Card be used with a Disenfranchised Card to become doubly effective?
I don’t need no steeenkin’Race Card! (From a reader who only looks Japanese, but is American through and through.)
http://www.fakecard.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=232
Yes, I am immature.
I think a 52 card deck is in order. They can have the normal numbers and suits, and also have a “race” type card on them as well, i.e. the 9 of clubs can say “celebrity card” and have a pic of OJ on it (thanks Mike the Marine.)
Just an idea; might make some money for IMAO.
Most excellent. I’m saving it, printing it, cutting it out and laminating it.
There’s Only Ten Shopping Months Until Christmas…
Have your Iraq’s Least Wanted playing cards turned to mush under the pressure of being whupped by your Grandmother at every card game imaginable? Never get trumped again, with your very own Race Card – courtesy of IMAO! As my…
More “do as we say, not as we do” politics
Last week, Representative Corrine Brown, a Florida Democrat, used the race card™ when she denounced the Bush administration for sending “a bunch of white men” as representatives to a meeting concerning the crisis in Haiti. From the Washington Times…
Play the Race Card and the Clebrity Card combo and watch a Colorado rape accuser turn into a skanky slutty white trash psycho!
Your Deal
What? Race card? What race card would that be, Walter? Ohhh, you mean this one! I thought that you leftists believed in sharing resources. Guess that doesn’t include this particular one. (Thanks to whomever I lifted this .gif from. I
Beltway Traffic Jam
I’m telecommuting today, since I get far more work done with access to a computer than without. Plus, there’s surprisingly less traffic in my home…
does the race card work on right wing idiots who think they are smug but are in actuality trite?
Thanks for jumping in two months later when you thought your New York Times snarky humor would be ignored. You are such a troll…