The Iraqi elections near, and if they play out a certain way, they could have disastrous consequences for many. So many are planning on the outcome to play out as they hope, but, if things go differently, all will collapse for them.
Just think of all the horrible things that will happen if the Iraqi elections succeed:
* Senatorette Barbara Boxer will be so disenchanted that she will drop out of the Senate and go back to her old job: crack whore.
* Ted Kennedy will become even more incoherent and red-faced. He’ll be captured by a circus and shown in a traveling freak show through the red states.
* That night, Senator Byrd will wet his sheets and have to find something else to wear the next day.
* All the posters to Democratic Underground will be so distraught that they can no longer hide from reality of how wacked-out they are. Many will collapse to the ground in epileptic fits while other will try to post but end up just pounding at their keyboards like monkeys. None will produce the greatest novel ever written.
* The U.N. will become so irrelevant that it will no longer take up space in its universe. The headquarters will fade from existence. A few New Yorkers will notice and stand there staring at the empty space. When someone bumps into one, he’ll exclaim, “Hey! I’m wondering why there ain’t a building over here, over here!”
* Demand for democracy will spread throughout the Middle East, causing people to rise up against the Saudi royal family. Hundred of Saudi princes will be slaughtered each day which will threaten to end the royal family within only a couple years.
* Members of MoveOn.org will spontaneously combust, burning many important upholstered chairs.
* The media will struggle harder and harder to come up with convoluted ways to say how poorly Bush is doing until just collapsing into mindless name-calling. Eventually the New York Times will headline “Bush Is a Stupid Chimp Face!” before disappearing forever.
* The terrorists in Iraq will be shot by the military… well, more so than usual.
* I’ll do a happy dance, trip over my new kitten Sydney, suffering the 63rd concussion of my lifetime as my head hits the wall. Unfortunately, the lens cap will have been left on the video camera.
* Bush will hold a press conference and laugh that silly laugh of his.
Thus, it is imperative we make sure the Iraqi elections fail as so many people are counting on it to. The ones most actively working to thwart the elections are the terrorists insurgents Iraqi nationalists and should be helped. They are hard to contact to donate money to, but you could go to a local mosque and yell, “Hey, anyone know any terrorists here? I am not – I repeat – not an FBI agent.”
Remember what Smokey the Bear says: “Only you can prevent democracy from spreading.”
Dont you talk about happy dances, I still havent been able to see the one in the CD!!!!! BTW I thought Ted Kennedy already qualified as a parade float.
DU monkeys. That’s funny.
You forgot to mention fat bastard, I mean Michael Moo
HFL should visit Iraq for the election.
Be careful what you wish for if you’re a terrorist.
Frank, I don’t like to throw around accusations all willy nilly, but I’m pretty sure this is another instance of THIEVERY!
Your post from today: Senatorette “Barbara Boxer will be so disenchanted that she will drop out of the Senate and go back to her old job: crack whore.”
From my filthy lie a few days ago: “We can’t just sit idly by while freedom is spread across the world!” screamed a frothing Barbara Boxer in McFitzO’Patrick’s Irish Pub before she snorted a line of cocaine off of a cheap motel mirror.
I’m keepin my eye on you shakes fist
thinks the next happy dance should be performened with SarahK. However, let’s keep it at a PG rating or lower . . .
Just because I saw this and you started it, Frank J, I’m going to do me a wee headline right here. Rock, rock on!
From Fox News:
Indian Stampede Toll Hits 258
Congress to reinstate Indian reservations to prevent this from happening again.
Babs Boxer is MY crack Whore, and part time mop!!!
Oh, one last note.
Its very important to be sure it’s a Mosque. Mistaking a Synagogue, Church, Police Station, Biker Rally, etc. for a Mosque in this plan can have dire consequences.
Your scenario, while quite likely, carries hidden dangers. Suppose the UN and NYT, in compressing into nothingness, form a “black hole” singularity in the middle of Manhattan? While a rip in the fabric of space and time might be less unusual than many things you see in NYC, it will still draw more media attention to the city, where everyone who lives there has already been featured on at least 5 TV shows…
It’s “Smokey Bear” not “Smokey the Bear”. Alas, how soon they forget…
“All the posters to Democratic Underground will be so distraught that they can no longer hide from reality of how wacked-out they are. Many will collapse to the ground in epileptic fits while other will try to post but end up just pounding at their keyboards like monkeys. None will produce the greatest novel ever written.”
Oh, come on, Frank! You should know better than this. If the elections work out right, obviously the conservative state run media is hiding all of the chaos and the election was rigged to allow the George Bush puppet to become elected. Jeeze, don’t you know anything?!
Very Good Frank. Here’s a thought… George W Bush starts implementing the Democratic Agenda, and the Democrats become Conservatives in a futile effort to maintain their hate for the other side.
Janene GarAwfullyo starts imitating Rush.
Michael Moore starts spinning like the Tasmanian Devil and destroys the entire city of Los Angeles before he can be stopped… with a MOAB of course..
The entire googleplex of Democrats spontaneously combust and provide enough heat to warm Cincinnati to springlike temperatures for the next 3 weeks.
I love it. I hope to dream about it tonight.
Babs Boxer a crack ho? She couldn’t give that booty away….
It’s “Smokey Bear” not “Smokey the Bear”. Alas, how soon they forget…
The “Smokey Bear” campaign is a dirty Commie plot to rob a hard-working public servant of his definite article! For years and years, he was Smokey the Bear and we liked it that way!! Damned dirty Commies, brainwashing kids like that, it makes me angry!!!1!
You’re sure that it’s Smokey the Bear who said that? I thought that it was Jacques Chirac.
Ooh, look! The number code that I have to enter equals Michael Moore’s weight in kilograms! I win something, right?
Fool! They aren’t Iraqi nationalists, they’re freedom fighters, or, as Michael Moore put it, “Minutemen.”
I don’t know how much stock we can put in that last one though. Word is Moore just heard that from their wives.
Oh man, I’d pay good money to see the whackos over at DU.com keel-over and croak.