I’m assuming the second part.
Moore has been writing a lot of letters lately; maybe he got wedged in his computer chair and can’t get out. And, since videogames are boring if your strategy is to always cut and run, he might as well write long e-mails. Here’s the newest one:
Cut and Run, the Only Brave Thing to Do
Sunday, November 26th, 2006
Friends,
Tomorrow marks the day that we will have been in Iraq longer than we were in all of World War II.
Which is significant because….
That’s right. We were able to defeat all of Nazi Germany, Mussolini, and the entire Japanese empire in LESS time than it’s taken the world’s only superpower to secure the road from the airport to downtown Baghdad.
Actually, I think we’re still in Germany and Japan. Plus, back then, we were more blood-thirsty. Maybe we need to kill more of our enemy. You may have a point, fatty.
And we haven’t even done THAT. After 1,347 days, in the same time it took us to took us to sweep across North Africa, storm the beaches of Italy, conquer the South Pacific, and liberate all of Western Europe, we cannot, after over 3 and 1/2 years, even take over a single highway and protect ourselves from a homemade device of two tin cans placed in a pothole.
And after 1,347 days of WII (isn’t that the new Nintendo system?) it was nothing but happy times in Europe, wasn’t it? Stop trying to think with the fat in your head, fatty fat fat. Use that brain!
“Ooh! People are using bombs against us! We better give up now!” Are you arguing that anytime a few people can make bombs, we have to flee like Frenchman? Should we exit Montana?
You are so fat!
No wonder the cab fare from the airport into Baghdad is now running around $35,000 for the 25-minute ride. And that doesn’t even include a friggin’ helmet.
But do the cab drivers speak English at least?
Is this utter failure the fault of our troops? Hardly. That’s because no amount of troops or choppers or democracy shot out of the barrel of a gun is ever going to “win” the war in Iraq. It is a lost war, lost because it never had a right to be won, lost because it was started by men who have never been to war, men who hide behind others sent to fight and die.
They should hide behind you because you would provide plenty of cover. Actually, they should send you to Iraq for the troops to use you as a shield, and then you can blare annoying noises to force insurgents out of hiding.
Michael Moore could be a weapon for good!
Let’s listen to what the Iraqi people are saying, according to a recent poll conducted by the University of Maryland:
** 71% of all Iraqis now want the U.S. out of Iraq.
** 61% of all Iraqis SUPPORT insurgent attacks on U.S. troops.
What a bunch of bastards. We should just nuke them and declare victory.
Yes, the vast majority of Iraqi citizens believe that our soldiers should be killed and maimed! So what the hell are we still doing there? Talk about not getting the hint.
And yet an even larger percentage of the population wants you maimed or killed, but you keep talking.
There are many ways to liberate a country. Usually the residents of that country rise up and liberate themselves. That’s how we did it.
What do you mean “we,” pale-face? If you were there, you’d be writing articles about how the Revolution was nothing but a war for tea.
You can also do it through nonviolent, mass civil disobedience. That’s how India did it.
Yeah, that would work great in the Middle East. If you sit still, it just makes it easier to behead you.
You can get the world to boycott a regime until they are so ostracized they capitulate. That’s how South Africa did it.
Yeah, and everything is super there now.
See, South Africa wasn’t a violent dictatorship. They have that ailment we have where we care what other think of us. How well has that boycott been working on Cuba?
Or you can just wait them out and, sooner or later, the king’s legions simply leave (sometimes just because they’re too cold). That’s how Canada did it.
Canada still has the queen on their Monopoly money. They suck. Or were you making a joke. I can’t tell because you are a joke.
And you’re fat.
The one way that DOESN’T work is to invade a country and tell the people, “We are here to liberate you!” — when they have done NOTHING to liberate themselves. Where were all the suicide bombers when Saddam was oppressing them? Where were the insurgents planting bombs along the roadside as the evildoer Saddam’s convoy passed them by? I guess ol’ Saddam was a cruel despot — but not cruel enough for thousands to risk their necks. “Oh no, Mike, they couldn’t do that! Saddam would have had them killed!” Really? You don’t think King George had any of the colonial insurgents killed? You don’t think Patrick Henry or Tom Paine were afraid? That didn’t stop them. When tens of thousands aren’t willing to shed their own blood to remove a dictator, that should be the first clue that they aren’t going to be willing participants when you decide you’re going to do the liberating for them.
Okay, that’s like an actual argument. I’ll give you that one. That’s not just fat talking. Why not start that way?
A country can HELP another people overthrow a tyrant (that’s what the French did for us in our revolution), but after you help them, you leave. Immediately. The French didn’t stay and tell us how to set up our government. They didn’t say, “we’re not leaving because we want your natural resources.” They left us to our own devices and it took us six years before we had an election. And then we had a bloody civil war. That’s what happens, and history is full of these examples. The French didn’t say, “Oh, we better stay in America, otherwise they’re going to kill each other over that slavery issue!”
Wasn’t the Civil War like a hundred years later? If the French got involved then, we would have shot them in the nuts.
The only way a war of liberation has a chance of succeeding is if the oppressed people being liberated have their own citizens behind them — and a group of Washingtons, Jeffersons, Franklins, Ghandis and Mandellas leading them. Where are these beacons of liberty in Iraq? This is a joke and it’s been a joke since the beginning. Yes, the joke’s been on us, but with 655,000 Iraqis now dead as a result of our invasion (source: Johns Hopkins University), I guess the cruel joke is on them. At least they’ve been liberated, permanently.
It also helps not to have fat bastards trying to undermine you and get you killed.
I’m confused. I thought this war was all about WMDs or oil?
So I don’t want to hear another word about sending more troops (wake up, America, John McCain is bonkers),
True, but he’s not fat.
or “redeploying” them, or waiting four months to begin the “phase-out.” There is only one solution and it is this: Leave. Now. Start tonight. Get out of there as fast as we can. As much as people of good heart and conscience don’t want to believe this, as much as it kills us to accept defeat, there is nothing we can do to undo the damage we have done.
It’s not the defeat that kills us, it’s the enemy who see we will just give up and then attacks us hoping they can win. They kill us.
What’s happened has happened. If you were to drive drunk down the road and you killed a child, there would be nothing you could do to bring that child back to life. If you invade and destroy a country, plunging it into a civil war, there isn’t much you can do ’til the smoke settles and blood is mopped up. Then maybe you can atone for the atrocity you have committed and help the living come back to a better life.
Or we could just completely destroy it. Why half-ass it.
The Soviet Union got out of Afghanistan in 36 weeks. They did so and suffered hardly any losses as they left. They realized the mistake they had made and removed their troops. A civil war ensued. The bad guys won. Later, we overthrew the bad guys and everybody lived happily ever after. See! It all works out in the end!
Actually, the Soviet Union were the bad guys, you pinko fat bastards. You want us to look to them as an example? Do you have historical example of Nazi Germany we could follow?
The responsibility to end this war now falls upon the Democrats.
I’ll just pause here so everyone can laugh about “responsibility” and “Democrats” appearing in the same sentence.
Congress controls the purse strings and the Constitution says only Congress can declare war.
The Constitution says lots of things.
Mr. Reid and Ms. Pelosi now hold the power to put an end to this madness.
Let’s see those two titans jump to action.
Failure to do so will bring the wrath of the voters.
Will they throw rocks?
We aren’t kidding around, Democrats, and if you don’t believe us, just go ahead and continue this war another month. We will fight you harder than we did the Republicans.
Just look at their impotent effort against Lieberman.
The opening page of my website has a photo of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, each made up by a collage of photos of the American soldiers who have died in Bush’s War. But it is now about to become the Bush/Democratic Party War unless swift action is taken.
Yay! It’s a bipartisan effort!
This is what we demand:
As fat as you are, you’re still not a “we.”
1. Bring the troops home now. Not six months from now. NOW. Quit looking for a way to win. We can’t win. We’ve lost. Sometimes you lose. This is one of those times. Be brave and admit it.
Losers lose. Maybe you think you can impress the crazy Islamists with your reasonableness, but losses only begets more losses and more of us getting attacked. Look to how we lost Vietnam and how we’re still hammered with that today by wankers like you.
2. Apologize to our soldiers and make amends.
You apologize to them for trying to make them lose and get them killed. They’ll then use their rifle butts to beat the fat out of you.
Tell them we are sorry they were used to fight a war that had NOTHING to do with our national security.
Sure, they killed a lot of people who want to do grave harm to America, but what does that have to do with anything?
We must commit to taking care of them so that they suffer as little as possible. The mentally and physically maimed must get the best care and significant financial compensation.
I’m starting to think you’re patronizing them like their confused little children. That makes me want to beat you with a rifle butt.
The families of the deceased deserve the biggest apology and they must be taken care of for the rest of their lives.
And people like Cindy Sheehan deserve secure mental health facilities.
3. We must atone for the atrocity we have perpetuated on the people of Iraq.
We’ll toss them a few beers.
There are few evils worse than waging a war based on a lie, invading another country because you want what they have buried under the ground.
Finally! The “war for oil” meme! The crazy made its way out through all the fat folds! It just couldn’t be held back!
Now many more will die.
Billions in the next hundred years.
Their blood is on our hands, regardless for whom we voted. If you pay taxes, you have contributed to the three billion dollars a week now being spent to drive Iraq into the hellhole it’s become. When the civil war is over, we will have to help rebuild Iraq. We can receive no redemption until we have atoned.
That’s exactly what I pay taxes for: to kill bad people. As a taxpayer, I demand more blood! More!
The Middle East scares me, and my tax dollars should take care of that problem.
In closing, there is one final thing I know.
That implies you knew other things.
We Americans are better than what has been done in our name. A majority of us were upset and angry after 9/11 and we lost our minds. We didn’t think straight and we never looked at a map. Because we are kept stupid through our pathetic education system and our lazy media, we knew nothing of history. We didn’t know that WE were the ones funding and arming Saddam for many years, including those when he massacred the Kurds. He was our guy. We didn’t know what a Sunni or a Shiite was, never even heard the words. Eighty percent of our young adults (according to National Geographic) were not able to find Iraq on the map. Our leaders played off our stupidity, manipulated us with lies, and scared us to death.
Others made millions with sham documentaries. We all bare shame.
But at our core we are a good people. We may be slow learners, but that “Mission Accomplished” banner struck us as odd, and soon we began to ask some questions. Then we began to get smart. By this past November 7th, we got mad and tried to right our wrongs. The majority now know the truth. The majority now feel a deep sadness and guilt and a hope that somehow we can make make it all right again.
I would hope they would feel a deep sadness and guilt after electing Democrats.
Unfortunately, we can’t. So we will accept the consequences of our actions and do our best to be there should the Iraqi people ever dare to seek our help in the future. We ask for their forgiveness.
Or nuke them. We cut and run, might as well nuke them. Then we can declare victory!
We demand the Democrats listen to us and get out of Iraq now.
I demand the Democrats listen to me and don’t cause us to lose wars or I will break their hips.
Yours,
Michael Moore
www.michaelmoore.com
mmflint@aol.com
Good job there, fatty. One long letter with only about a single paragraph of actual thought. You really suck at this political activism. You should try finger painting instead.
Or make a sequel to Canadian Bacon. I liked that movie.
The only thing less readable than that email was this painfully drawn-out fisking. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
If Bob Saget and Carrot Top had a baby and then they put that baby in a microwave oven cooking it until brain damage?
You would be that baby.
Tacos? Naaahh, Mikey seems more like a donut guy.
And what kind of lame-o millionaire still has an AOL email???? And get a decent haircut! And lay off the Twinkies! And most importantly, get someone to introduce you to soap!
One thing Tubby McMoonbat forgets to mention is that after 1,347 days of making war upon Germany and Japan there were no roads left to defend. The only real way to make war is to pound your enemy until there is no doubt in anyone’s mind who won and who lost. You fight with everything you have until they call you to surrender.
“The only thing less readable than that email was this painfully drawn-out fisking. [snip]”
scarshapedstar,
You seem to be able to write, why can’t you read?
The Germans didn’t ask to be liberated.
“If Bob Saget and Carrot Top had a baby”
Salvage, It would be a miracle baby since they are both boys. But, if you don’t know how to make babies perhaps it’s for the best.
Spacemonkey you are very smart.
Man, that was painfful. Whatever gave you the illusion that you are in any way amusing? In actuality, you are the anti-funny. Things which are intrinsically funny actually lose funnyness when they’ve been exposed to you. If I hadn’t just seen an episode of The America Show I would in fact say this is the least funny thing I’ve ever been forced to experience.
Hmmm, weren’t in excess of 60 million people killed during World War 2? Didn’t we use “dumb” weapons that wrought devastating collateral damage? Didn’t we drop two nukes on our enemy to help end the war? Didn’t the war result in the subjugation of millions of eatern europeans under the Soviet Union? Aren’t we still in Germany and Japan to varying degrees?
I think Fatty Phatterson in right, we have not used our time wisely. We still have time to indiscriminately bomb Iraq into the stone age, and have leftovers for taking care of Iran and Syria. We could strap Jimmy Carter onto the first bunker buster and give him a cowboy hat to wave. Since we dropped the “fat boy” on Japam, we could drop Moore on Iran and cal it the “really fat boy” or Frisch’s fat boy.
I have these readers who keep egging me on like the kids who pretend to be friends with the retarded kid. It’s really mean.
(apologies for the typos)
The Constitution says lots of things.
And, if memory serves, one of them is that the President is commander-in-chief of the armed forces. If Congress is going to maintain a standing army (and navy and air force, of course), which Congress did not do until the end of WWII, the President gets to use it.
“We were able…”
“…we will have been in Iraq…”
“And we haven’t even…”
“…we cannot, after over 3 and 1/2 years…”
Again, he’s using this “we” BS, as though he had any part in the decision making. What a sanctimonious dolt.
//Man, that was painfful. Whatever gave you the illusion that you are in any way amusing? In actuality, you are the anti-funny. Things which are intrinsically funny actually lose funnyness…//
//(apologies for the typos)//
We can forgive the typos, random_gay, but not your ignorance.
“I have these readers who keep egging me on like the kids who pretend to be friends with the retarded kid. It’s really mean.”
Yeah. Eat this cup of worms, Frank. It tastes like Spaghetti-Os. For serious!
Looks like you dislodged a few trolls from Michael’s fat folds, all cranky and whiny from being so rudely awakened.
“…least funny thing I’ve ever been forced to experience.”?????
Hmmmm, someone check random’s IP address. Should match up with one of those secret overseas CIA prisons. The horror! The horror!
MM:..when they have done NOTHING to liberate themselves.
I think you should go visit Kurdistan and the Shia sections of Iraq and say that to their faces. I’m not sure they would appreciate it. Though, they might think that we just didn’t know about all of them that got rounded up and killed by Saddam after we left them hanging out to dry in ’91. They would probably understand us not knowing something cause the media didn’t report it. Remember, they didn’t have freedom of speech until a few years ago.
MM: The Soviet Union got out of Afghanistan in 36 weeks.
Actually, they were in Afghanistan for about 10 years before they really left. Not sure where you’re getting your facts again. Maybe you should just cite it to JHU, who will cite the stat to you?
MM:Their blood is on our hands, regardless for whom we voted. If you pay taxes, you have contributed to the three billion dollars a week now being spent to drive Iraq into the hellhole it’s become. When the civil war is over, we will have to help rebuild Iraq. We can receive no redemption until we have atoned.
Except for the “we will rebuild Iraq” part, this is exactly what Ossama says about us, and I know, cause I’ve read all his released speaches. You two sound exactly alike. Maybe you could go live in the same cave as each other, and hold hands in friendship. Though, he might just use your folds to hide bombs, and send you back here. Talk about WMD’s.
Ok, that’s my contribution to the fisking.
//I have these readers who keep egging me on like the kids who pretend to be friends with the retarded kid. It’s really mean.//
Actually, random_guy, making fun of Frankj by egging him on is the only entertainment we can afford since we are ridiculously taxed to death in the liberal mecca of the Midwest. I’m going to torture Frank even more by using money I should be spending on my kid’s psychiatrist to buy Frank’s book.
Again, he mistakenly makes assumptions.
We have not yet left Germany.
When we have, then we will know how long to allow for the conquerring and occupation of Iraq.
What a Maroon…
Wow… I count 12 fat jokes in your post alone (not counting the ones in your comments). Clearly you have reached the Comedy Promised Land.
Say, you’re right! Michael Moore is fat!
“Say, you’re right! Michael Moore is fat!”
And stupid. If we can get him to continue to swill Thunderbird, we’ll hit the Flounder trifecta.
Oh wait! He IS FAT!
I get it now.
Maybe Michael Moore has been kept stupid by our “pathetic education system and lazy media” but I see no need to rely on others to keep me educated.(Unless it’s FrankJ, I totally rely upon him to keep me smart!) I think I can shoulder that burden all by myself. Methinks that perhaps Mr. Moore is the lazy one if he doesn’t think he can take responsibility for his own education. And pathetic for not taking advantage of the opportunites that are available for everyone and assuming that the rest of us are as lazy as he is. My biggest gripe about the Democrats is their incessant longing to be my smother-mother, never allowing me to make my own decisions and take care of myself. Or even understanding that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I am so over the need for a babysitter!
Michael Moore is not just fat, he’s also quite corpulent, hefty and rotund.
I assume you mean “South Africa” when you say “See, South America wasn’t a violent dictatorship”, seeing that South America isn’t a country. Oh, and Micheal Moore is fat. You didn’t mention that enough times.
O.k. spacemonkey you’ve egged me on. How ’bout plump, chubby, portly, obese, hefty, chunky, enormous, flabby, rotund, and podgy.
And husky, swollen, gargantuan (you know, I’ve always liked that word… so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence), elephantine, paunchy etc.
Mr. Moore needs to update some of his data. from a Nov. 2006 article:
“Yet just two days earlier the Washington Post headlined a piece on Route Irish as follows: “Easy Sailing along Once-Perilous Road to Baghdad Airport.” It observed, “Two months ago, the killings stopped. In October, one person was wounded on the road and no one was killed, according to the U.S. Army. . . . It was safe enough to stop here, to linger, to chat, and a computer screen flashed the statistical evidence. . . . In 10 months, the only enemy fire they have seen on the airport road came after one of the civilian trucks they were escorting broke down.” And two months earlier, USA Today had published a similar account, backing it up with a quote from an officer whose men patrolled the roads: “Route Irish is definitely not the most dangerous road in Iraq any longer, and everyone who uses it knows it.” Apparently, though, the Sunday Times reporter didn’t know it — and other Baghdad journalists still don’t know it.”
link
and here is one of the few “reliable” sources I could find for cab fare from the Iraq airport to the green zone. Their estimate? 2,750 pounds or about 5000 USD. and that was in 2004. so you’re telling me that conditions have improved there, but the price has skyrocketed? riiiiiiight.
I guess being 10 tons of crap in a 5-pound bag does tend to make one look like a fatarse.
Cut and run? Well, I but Mooreon can sure CUT one, but I doubt you could get him to run if you waved a hundred tacos in front of him and shoved a cattleprod clean (well, I doubt it’s clean) up his liberal donkey ass. Frank, I’m surprised you are able to read an entire letter written by Mooreon…after just two paragraphs, I feel like I’m begining to develope brain damage. I think the most strategic use for Mooreon is to light him on fire and drop him over Bagdad…the resulting explosion upon impacting the ground (from various gasses and fat) would be larger than that of our largest existing fuel-air bomb…plus, all that fat would continue to burn like napalm. If that fails, there’s always Red Ted Kennedy for a secondary strike. I know that the U.N. (Useless Numbskulls) would condem us for unusual cruelty (to the Middle East; both Mooreon and Kennedy would be considered use of chemical and biological wepons), but just send in Nancy Pelosi…a few minuits of her incidious cackel-whining would send them all scurrying back to their turd-pit nations (The French Deligate would wave the white flag withing the first few seconds).
That would definately be the MOAB – moore and kennedy together
What is often forgotten is that wars rarely “stop” at the dates shown in the history books. Nazi terrorists operated for years after 1945, and even the French did not release all AMERICAN POWs until MUCH later. Yes, there’s an ally for you. And if you want to count Japanese not knowing the war is over, you’d have to draw WWII into the 1970’s, I believe. Even worse than that was the American Civil War, where for decades Rebel terrorists were blowing things up here and there. And speaking of “quagmire”, have we pulled out of Kosovo yet, because 3 years ago we still had troops there.
have we pulled out of Kosovo yet, because 3 years ago we still had troops there.
we still have troops there, you can find some info about a group getting ready to go over there here
“Where were all the suicide bombers when Saddam was oppressing them? Where were the insurgents planting bombs along the roadside as the evildoer Saddam’s convoy passed them by? I guess ol’ Saddam was a cruel despot — but not cruel enough for thousands to risk their necks.”
They all got gunned down when Bush’s dad cut and ran in the first Gulf War. Now his offspring is atoning.
Hey salvage, if a guy ever had his weiner destroyed by a bee you’d be that guy.
So we’ve been in Iraq as long as we were in WWII, and yet the number of casualties we’ve had in three years is less than we had in ONE battle in WWII.
WWII and the war on terror are two completely different wars, and trying to compare them is like trying to compare cheese and chalk.
Oh yeah, and Michael Moore is fat.
He’s pulling a Denethor on us. He has looked into the Palantir, and has seen destruction and despair and the end of our people (as dictated by the fictions of the enemy, but he doesn’t seem to know that). Now we just have to get him to set himself on fire.
And really, there is a way to make up for the losses of 655,000 Iraqis: just put some aphrodesiacs in the water.
If you go to iraqbodycount.com, you will find that there is a significantly smaller number of people that have been killed since we invaded, in fact, we are literally saving lives simply because we are there. With the estimated number of people killed under saddam’s regime, the only way that we could match that number is to drop a nuclear weapon into the heart of their capital city, even then it would still be a toss up.
Gotta like Mr. Quixote. Every so often he comes along & drops some knowlege on us. Here’s some other facts:
Michael Moore is so fat, he has 3 smaller idiots in varying orbits around him.
Moore rarely wears red T-shirts for fear of hearing “Hey, Kool-Aid!”
He unhinged his lower jaw & devoured an entire buffet once, including the servers.
Moore once thought he felt a deep seated conviction about something, but as it turned out, it was just gas.
hooo-aah