I was watching a show the other day which mentioned how kids can’t seem to avoid porn online (actually, it was the premiere episode of Greg Gutfeld’s show Red Eye; my DVR said FOX News was having a rerun of Shepherd Smith at 2am, but this was completely different than that), and that got me thinking: Why do we let kids use our internet?
I didn’t have internet when I was a kid, and I was just fine. I made due with my video games and my laser tag – things that may seem primitive to kids these days, but they kept us entertained. So why do kids need the internet now? They don’t. The internet is full of lots of uncontrolled adult information which is not going to change, so why not just keep kids off it. Not only will it be good for them, I don’t want them messing with the internet. Sometimes I go to Wikipedia in the hopes of gaining actual information, and the last thing I need is some seven-year-old messing with the entry on baryonic particles. I also don’t want kids intruding into a forum where we’re having an adult discussion about video game systems to tell me that “The Wii sucks!” No, it doesn’t. You suck.
Let’s make it illegal for kids to use the internet. When they’re old enough, they can apply for a learner’s permit and use the internet under supervision. When of proper age and having passed a test proving they can use the internet responsibly and not open spam e-mails, they can then get a license for full internet usage. Kids may not like this, but they’re small and stupid and have to do what we tell them.
Oh, but that would mean that I no longer have 12-year olds telling me on Youtube that I’m holding my rifle incorrectly, based on their CStrike experience. And I really don’t see anybody else picking up the slack…
Maybe those juvenile postings you thought were kids were really just liberals. How could you tell the difference?
Great idea, Frank. I hope you’re serious because I think the idea could gain momentum.
Also, reality intrudes has a point, but it’s really not a problem. If people want to act like children, then they’ll just get their internet license yanked. That solves that problem. Less liberals on the internet can’t be a bad thing.
How long would it take for every conservative blogger to get his/her license yanked by the crats? Mere legislative moments.
FrankJ must have been kidding. He is known to do that…
Anyone that grew up playing video games also grew up sharing Snicker Bars with other guys and loving every bite–if you know what I’m sayin–
You know this is all George Bush’s fault! (for a supposedly stupid man he sure is responsible for a lot of stuff)
Actually if we get to blame internet porn on anybody, let’s blame the Slickmiester, he at least has experience in the venue.
Internet usage license…you might be on to something there, but it need not apply to just kids, but adults too.
If you were prone to visiting “adult” sites & chatrooms, you would need to prove that you could type 30wpm or more with one hand.
If you were an aspiring leftard troll, you would need to demonstrate some reasoning skills, as well as being able to correctly spell at least half of the words in any given rant.
If you were a Democrat Senator for NY and wanted to start a blog for your Presidential Campaign, you would have to promise to limit the amount of photos of yourself posted on your site, for the sake of keeping horrendous images to a minimum that enter the www.
HOORAY!
I think those people running those little kiddie sites are giving you the evil eye……
But, honestly if we could keep every kid in the world (since it is the World Wide Web and not the America Wide Web) then why wouldn’t we be able to keep off the bad stuff?
It’s parental responsibility. You should no more sit your child down in front of the computer unattended than you should let your child have complete control over what they watch on television. Whenever my daughter (she’s 7) does a google search, either my wife or I am right there to make sure she isn’t heading to the wrong sites. Besides research for school work, the only other thing she uses the internet for is Webkinz.
Webkinz, for those of you not familiar with the site, is basically a World of Warcraft primer for young children.
Oh, and when you’re done read the new information proving aliens don’t exist!
I didn’t have internet when I was a kid, and I was just fine.
Good point. I was much happier when I was a kid, and there was no internet, no Barbra Streisand, no Nancy Pelosi, no Bruce Springsteen, no rap, no middle-aged or older guys pretending still to be adolescents during Super Bowl halftime . . .
Gotta go now. Time for my prostate medicine.
A lot of things have changed since we were kids, though, not just technology. For one thing, when we were kids, it was acceptable to send your kids outside to just play, and they’d come home with jars full of bugs. Now the expectation is that your kids will play quietly in their rooms and the backyard, and occasionally the park, on scheduled playdates. I used to ride the public bus to school and I had to walk between the school and the stop and the other stop and home, in every season. But this winter I’ve caught flak for making my son walk 1.3 miles to school when he disrespected the rules of the car. How could I be so horrible and cruel to him as to make him exercise his legs??? In the winter no less???
But my 12 year old is the only one who can figure out computery stuff.
Who know Pong would lead to all this.
PONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!
Pong? Wow…I thought I had fun baffeling anyone under 30 by bringing up 8-track tapes and reel-to-reel!
Frank, if you banned anyone under 16 from the internet, what would happen to DailyKOS, DU and MoveOn.org…especially if you banned people with the mentality of a 15 year-old? Good point! When do we begin?!
When Al Gore invented the internet, there was requisite child monitoring by a village specially zoned and licensed by Hillary.
Also, every time you logged on you had to plant a tree in Brazil or teach a polar bear to swim.
That prototype quickly went to Hell when it became obvious that there wasn’t enough chubby intern porn, and he had to revamp the blueprints to get his next job.
When I was a boy, we didn’t have none of yer fancy-shmancy computer doo-hickies, if we wanted to look something up we went down to the library and we’d use The Dewey Decimal System and we’d find the book and we’d pull it down and get a mouthful of dust and then we’d read it ’til the binding cracked and so what if it was out of date we signed it out with our hard-earned library cards and then we’d lose it on the way home ’cause we got in a game of Kick The Can and that’s the way we LIKED it!
one additional wonderful benefit … not paying extra taxes so the schools can buy megabunches of computers … and maybe even find some time to teach English, Spelling, and how to make change when the MickeyD’s register isn’t working right …
//But my 12 year old is the only one who can figure out computery stuff.//
Yeah! Moonbunny’s the only one who knows where all the funny Albino Black Sheep flash files are and how to bring up all the Harry Potter spoofs. I need her to track down the funny for me.
No you don’t. Teh Funny is right here.
I am 15 and a huge fan of this site. I am extremely conservative and I can spell words correctly, so I think that I should be able to skip the license and just be able to use the internet.