Dear John Edwards,
Pick me to be your blogwhatever because I really don’t want the job. Really. Am I using reverse psychology, how could I? I am southerner just like you. Really.
I am opposed to using cursing/profanity to express my opinions. I am smarter than that. See I know a lot of words with more than four letters which aren’t pejorative (naughty). So I doubt you’ll ever find any profanity attributed to me on any of the internets. (Like you know anything about the internet other than what your wife or kids has told you, HAH!) So you’d be hard pressed to cause a stir among left or right wingers.
See? I have my smug self-righteousness about not cursing, that gives us common ground right there.
I can help you get in touch with the religious left, assuming they exist, because I suspect they probably go to church somewhere. I know what church buildings generally look like and can coach you on proper decorum (how you act) while in one.
I could show you how the middle class lives. We shop at places with ‘mart’ and ‘mall’ in the titles. We eat food that comes wrapped in paper. We live in houses that measure 4 digits, in square feet and not 5.
That’s all I’m going to say about my qualifications because like I said, I really, really don’t really want the job. Really.
spacemonkey
P.S. Unless it pays well enough to get a 5 digit square foot house. Then I’m in for the big win, baby!