After a recent frightening incident wherein a deranged German man grabbed the back of the Popemobile, Vatican police officials plan to have the vehicle modified to provide greater protection for His Holiness.
In additioin to extra security features, the new Popemobile will also be provided with an array of other upgrades:
- 17-inch “collection plate” style spinners.
- Hands-free Popephone for use when Commissioner Gordon lights the Popesignal.
- New PA system will include “beatbox” setting.
- Feral Australian Kid to retrieve dropped shotgun shells.
- Can now transform into Popetimus Prime.
- Air conditioned glove compartment to keep spare Pope hat refreshingly cool.
- The big car makers are trying to keep this a secret, but it gets 100 mpg and runs on holy water!
- GPS system pre-programmed with locations of all the best pizza joints.
- Red Bull & Vodka – pre-mixed & on tap!
- SCMODS
- “This ride pimped by God” bumper sticker.
- Rebel-flag roof & “Dixie” horn.
- Won’t start? No problem! It’s got drop-down “Flintstone Floorboards” for emergency take-offs.
- “BNDCT16” vanity plates.
- Engine timing precision-adjusted to make “Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang” sounds.
- Brass Bumpernuts
- Silver naked chick mud flaps.
- Rear window sticker of Calvin peeing on a mosque.
By the way, after the upgrades are finished, all new converts to Catholicism will be given a coupon for a free ride.
I’m thinking it might be worth it.
You’re clearly forgetting the most important upgrade: Bitchin’ flame decals.
Also: FIRST!
Make it a low rider.
I have no problem with most of them (although two things I didn’t get and the links are blocked by my company’s web filter).
However, the Pope wouldn’t have “Silver naked chick” mudflaps, it would have “Silver Virgin Mary” mudflaps.
ZK:
Um… flame decals would be a little too evocative of Hell. Remember, this is the Pope, not an Imam!
The flames are okay since they are part of the “Fire and Brimstone” paint scheme.
You forgot the ‘Proud Hitler Youth Vet’ bumper sticker.
CPD – That was a cheap shot. A schoolmate signed him up for the Hitler Youth, but he never went to any meetings. He was drafted into the German army, never fired a shot and deserted. Hardly Nazi material.
heh. Harvey you heathen, that was good stuff.
Let’s not forget the grill-mounted harpoon gun to get slow driving blasphemers out of His Holiness’ way. Forgiveness only goes so far.
Well, Fosterdad, after the war he tried to be a local Policeman & was denied because he was in the Hitler Youth. But you’re right, cheap shot. Perhaps a better sticker would be ‘I hate the US media for creating the Priests pedophile scandal’. He thinks all those thousands of victims were created by the media. Or how about ‘I love Cardinal Law’. He was the Archbishop of Boston who was going to be indicted by the DA for complicity in the molesting cases by moving around hundreds of Priests after they were accused. He made him a Cardinal & moved him to Rome & avoided prosecution.
If you don’t want your ticket CPD, can I have it?
That just made my day.
Beez: I’m actually referring to the flames from St. Michael’s sword. Or Gabriel’s, I’m never sure whose it is.
CPD – You said Pope Benedict made Cardinal Law a Cardinal and moved him to Rome. How could Pope Benedict have made Cardinal Law a Cardinal when Cardinal Law was elevated to the College of Cardinals in 1985, 17 years before Benedict became Pope. Also, how could Benedict have moved him to Rome when he was moved to Rome in Dec. 2002, 5 months before Benedict became Pope?
The gay priest scandal was largely the result of inattention on the parts of American Bishops, Paul VI and John Paul II. Remember, it was under Benedict that the Church finally denied gays admission to seminaries. The vast majority of priest molestation incidents took place 20 or 30 years ago and many of the perps are dead.
The gay priest scandal was inexcusable, but don’t put the blame on Benedict.
The only thing worse than a politician is a child molester. And porbably worse than that is a person in supervision that moves the offender to another location to do it again, instead of turning said person over to the authorities. Archbishop/Cardinal Law did this. If you Fosterdad, or your children, or foster children had been molested by a gay priest or anyone, and this molester was walking around because some Bishop was ‘unattentive’ or worse, moved him knowing his crime, you might feel different. I hold the Chuch responsible, hence the Pope. For the leader of the Catholic Church to say the media created this, is reprehensible. To own up to it and turn over these offenders, instead of denieing it, would have been the thing to do.
CPD-what’s your dog in the pedophile priest fight? If you’re Catholic a website devoted to satire isn’t the venue for your frustrations, if you’re the victim of a pedophile priest that also applies. If you’re a “concerned citizen” I don’t see where gratuitous cheap shots accomplish anything and if you’re merely taking an opportunity to bash Catholicism in general you’ve only made yourself look like an idiot.
* Rear window sticker of Calvin peeing on a mosque.
Nothing like advertising your religion with flagrant copyright infringement.
You’re right Subvet. I got carried away at the wrong site. It was idiotic. Retirement skewers the mind.
I like the whole “Calvin peeing on a mosque” thing…I just might try to get one made at the kiosk in the local mall. Hopefully it won’t be Ahmed Alittlejizzwad manning the kiosk or I may get my ass fatwa’d. I’ll keep you posted!
True, CPD. The gay priests should have been turned over to the cops and some were, but the media never says anything that might make the Catholic Church look good. But why are you blaming Pope Benedict for things that happened before he was Pope? That’s like blaming Bush for the Lewinsky scandal or Watergate.
Many of these things happened when Paul VI was pope and he’s been dead since 1978. Admittedly, the whole situation constituted criminal negligence on the part of American Bishops, but put the blame where it belongs, not on Pope Benedict. He’s the first Pope we’ve had who has actually addressed the issue and is trying to prevent it from happening again.
CPD – What is your source for the claim that Benedict tried to become a policeman after WWII but was denied b/c of his membership in the Hitler Youth? I’ve looked everywhere and everything I find says that he and his brother wanted to become priests since they were children and they entered the seminary shortly after the war. His dad was a policeman, but was fired because he refused to join the Nazi party. Also, his cousin who had Down Syndrome was killed by Nazi eugenicists and he witnesses Nazi thugs beat up his parish priest. Considering all of this, how can anyone claim that Ratzinger was a Nazi?
what Don said was not a racists remark it was just a statment made without thinking and trying to be humorus. How many times have we all did the same thing?
what Don said was not a racists remark it was just a statment made without thinking and trying to be humorus. How many times have we all did the same thing?