Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band – Where Are They Now?

40 years later, the original members of Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band have moved on with their lives, but a surprising number of them have started their own Sgt. Pepper franchises and continue to play. Next time you’re at Amazon.com, be sure to check out these albums:


  • Sgt. Pepper’s Truth Is, I’m Just Afraid of Commitment Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Creepy MySpace Stalker Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Vodka, Red Bull, Roofies & Viagra Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s eHarmony.com Rejects Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Only Wearing Women’s Underwear for Comfort Reasons, So Don’t Judge Me Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Got the Clap From Paris Hilton Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Doin’ My Sister Club Band (Alabama Chapter)
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Street Corner Squeegee Guy Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Moved to Wisconsin and Became a Cannibal Club Band (Featuring Jeffy Dahmer on drums)
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Too Busy Protesting the War to Play in a Band Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Just Glad to Not Have to Put Up With Yoko Ono’s Crap Anymore Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Shirtless Yelling Guy on COPS Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Still Living in My Mother’s Basement Club Band
  • Sgt. Pepper’s Proudly Listing “IMAO Blogger” on My Resume Club Band

For the record, that last one is NOT Frank J.
He’s with Sgt. Pepper’s Fred Thompson ’08 Club Band.

Liberals Start to Realize the Troops Don’t Like Their Support

Kevin Drum, perhaps the most thoughtful of the liberal bloggers, urges Democrats into not fooling themselves that the troops appreciate the “support” of Democrats trying to force them to surrender. Of course, one of the commenters, on admitting Drum may have a point that “Support the troops by bringing them home!” is a hollow slogan, then refers to the troops who like their mission as “brainwashed babies.” Yeah, you tell that to a Marine to his face.

He can’t wait to get home from Iraq so he can kill liberals.

In somewhere between reality and fantasy, Meteor Blades, a front page poster at The Daily Kos, talks about how liberals in the blogosphere are putting together their vast brain power (theoretically enough to light a red LED) to theorize on the possibility of right-wing violence should a Democrat be elected president in 2008 (I would think violence would be more likely with an evil Republican government willing to look the other way as we right-wingers celebrate our win with an orgy of violence involving punching liberals in their dumb monkey faces until no dumb monkey face is left unpunched). Digby (I know I’ve run into that idiot before, but am too lazy to Google my own webpage), theorizes that much of the violence could come from veterans who don’t appreciate the Democrats brining them home. He writes:

We will also, sadly, see veterans involved in this. Aside from the PTSD they will come home to a world that isn’t very understanding. How could we be? They’ve been in hell. I suspect that some of them will be attracted to the rightwing militia (or worse) unless the government makes some very aggressive moves to help these people out and provide every kind of counselling and support they can think of. The last thing we need are hardened Iraq veterans finding solace with the rightwing terrorists.

So, there’s a possibility of what will happen if a Democrat win the presidency: he or she will realize that running away from Iraq will actually be an untenable position and will try and get the Democratty base behind it by saying, “As long as the troops are over in Iraq, they won’t use their civilian killing skills on us!”
Could you imagine what an outbreak of violence against the Kwazy Kos Kids would be like? These are people whose current favorite is John Edwards, a prissy little girl trapped in a man’s body. What kind of bed-wetter could actually vote for that guy? The battle cry as we charged these people might as well be, “The streets will run yellow with their urine!”
Don’t worry, though, Kos Kids, the troops and people like me have much bigger concerns than violence against goobers who spend twenty hours a day in front of their computer in their parent’s basement. Unlike you, we actually recognize there are terrorists out to kill us.
When their dead, then we’ll come for you.

I Should Be the Amanda Marcotte of the Fred Thompson Campaign

As the entry of Fred Thompson into the race looms over us like the Incredible Hulk’s giant stone spaceship about ready to make impact with the earth (I’ve been reading too many comic books lately), I was thinking that he’ll need a campaign blogger — his own special envoy to the blogosphere. I don’t know how campaigns choose such a person (apparently John Edwards just put every swear word into Google and picked the owner of the first site that came up), but it should obviously be me. No one has put more research into this candidate as my growing list of facts can attest. Also, many bloggers would be mindless sycophants to Fred Thompson and pretend he could do no wrong, but Fred Thompson can be assured that the only reason I am so enthusiastic about his candidacy is that my extremely critical eye has found nothing about him that isn’t super awesome.

Fred Thompson can’t be bothered to talk to people like you. That should be my job.

So, I think Fred Thompson should pick me as his campaign blogger — especially if money is involved. Since I’m far from the ordinary blogger, I would be a daring choice to show that Fred Thompson isn’t going to run your average campaign. Also, I have the intelligence and writing skills to do… um… whatever it is a campaign blogger does. Also, it’s my birthday today, and this would be like the most awesome birthday present ever.
Still, I admit there are risks to the Fred Thompson campaign despite how super duper qualified and smart I am. I’ve written some controversial things in the past; it was all satire, so hopefully no one would be dumb enough to try and tar the Fred Thompson campaign with them. That said, I do have some real controversial viewpoints, and rather than letting his campaign get surprised later, I’m going to just go ahead and list every outside of the mainstream view I have:
MY CONTROVERSIAL VIEWS
* I’m against legal immigration but for illegal immigration.
* I think America is the greatest nation on the earth other than Paraguay.
* Know what I can’t stand? People who don’t adore telemarketers.
* I’m against having a war for oil, but I’m all for a war for corn ethanol.
* I think it’s okay for kids to do drugs because they have more time for their brains to grow back.
* I have no desire to convert to Islam, but I’m kinda curious to try sharia law.
* I can’t quite put my finger on why, but I really hate white people.
* I think our gun laws are too strict in not allowing a convicted felon to carry a firearm and also believe our laws are too lenient in allowing non-felons to have them.
* I say the coconut flavored jelly bean is the best jelly bean, and I would consider violence against anyone who disagrees.
* I have this sneaking suspicion that absolutely everyone other than me is gay… and I’m okay with it.
* I think that the third Godfather movie was so much better than the first two that it’s not even funny.
* I believe that children are our past.
* I think Jesus’s ideas were fine for back in His time, but they don’t apply to us now because we’re more used to sinning.
* Terrorists hate us for our freedom — and maybe they have a point.
* I’m really more of a C.S.I. guy than a Law & Order one.
Well, that’s it. I assure you most people have even worse views but, unlike me, are too cowardly to admit to them. I should be awarded for my courage.
Man, I hope I get the campaign blogger job. Then everyone will point at me and say, “Wow! That’s that guy vaguely associated with Fred Thompson! I wish I were him!”
Everyone wishes they were me.

Thoughts on the Debate I Didn’t Watch Last Night

Do they broadcast the Democrat’s primary debate to our troops overseas? If they do, it has to hurt their morale to see a bunch of preening sissies debate over who will be the next commander in chief. It’s like watching a bunch of kittens bat around a ball of yarn as a contest of who gets to lead the lions’ pride.
I think I’m leaning towards Hillary, though. If she scares me, then maybe she also scares the enemy.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

In case it one day needs a backup, Fred Thompson has memorized the internet.