The Most Awful, Funniest Thing

This is just wrong. Hilarious, but wrong.
(hat tip Jonah Goldberg at The Corner)

New Michelle

Michelle Malkin debuts her new site design. I guess its moving towards more of a Hot Air type design. Hot Air is perhaps my favorite blog in layout, but for some reason this new design looks too busy. I guess the pictures Hot Air puts with the headlines helps a lot.
Maybe I should redesign IMAO, like maybe paint flames on the side so it loads faster…

More Ron Paul Fun

Ron Paul is awesome; I can’t get enough Ron Paul.
I should mention that John Hawkins recently had a column, The Conservative Case Against Ron Paul, which was great. Here are the e-mails he had from Ron Paul’s supporters trying to convince him of his folly.
What’s a good name for Ron Paul supporters? Ronulans? Pauloons?

At Some Point, You Just Might as Well Sleep in on a Sunday

With there now being an Episcopalian priest who is also a Muslim (as predicted by Scrappleface) after they already made someone openly gay a Bishop, one has to ask what exactly what would Episcopalian bishops find as a disqualifying factor to be in their clergy? Would they make unapologetic murders and rapists priests? Blasphemers of the Holy Spirit? Do they have a screening process for being a priest, or is there just a card anyone who visits an Episcopal church can fill out and be made a priest (plus be entered in a drawing to be a bishop)?
I’m just asking because I don’t know.

Polls!

If you haven’t heard by now, the new Rammussen poll says the GOP front runner is…

Continue reading ‘Polls!’ »

The Last Hope for Hilarity

Ron Paul contemplates the advantages and disadvantages of eating your face.

There’s the long discredited theory of spontaneous generation — that a pile of garbage actually creates flies — but I’m tempted to revisit it in the case of posts about Ron Paul (see here and here). With how Ron Paul posts causes crazed comments to appear from no traceable source proclaiming that Ron Paul is the “last hope for America,” the simplest theory is that Ron Paul posts spontaneously generate crazy people.
Another possibility is that Ron Paul supporters spend all day scanning all blogs looking for a chance to spew their thoughts of Ron Paul greatness that builds up inside them until they feel like they’re about to burst. This is not to say they think of nothing but Ron Paul; by their comments they also care about how the government caused 9/11 (though I thought Ron Paul said we made the terrorists attack us… which doesn’t make any sense if we attacked ourselves) and the problem of the Jews and minorities.
The last most disturbing explanation of how apoplectic Ron Paul supporters seem to appear out of nowhere is that they are amongst us as we speak. Right next to you could be a Ron Paul supporter just waiting to be awoken like a sleeper agent. If this is true, your best bet is to try and lure them out. Every so often say, “Ron Paul is a nutter,” and, if anyone around you says anything other than “Yes” or “Who’s Ron Paul?”, kill him and burn his body.
I’ll end this dire warning with a fun exercise. Let’s all try to come up with effusive praise of Ron Paul that matches statements of him being the last hope for America. Here’s my attempt:
“Ron Paul is the only man who can get the international hot dog eating title back from the foreigners.”
Try your own in the comments.

IMAO Condensed: War

Save Our Endangered Terrorists!
An Editorial By Harvey

Recently, the Humane Society of the United States protested the 21st Annual Star Island Yacht Club Shark Tournament. The HSUS – a fanatical animal rights organization – was incensed that sharks – which have declined in population by over 80% in the last 50 years – were being festively slaughtered for sport.
Their point being, I suppose, that it’s unconscionable to kill vicious, flesh-eating predators if you have fun while doing it.
I have a hard time disagreeing. I mean, why would you NOT want more bloodthirsty, savage, aquatic killing-machines patrolling our coastal waters? Would YOU want to live in a world where it’s perfectly safe to swim, surf, and scuba dive near the shorelines of a heavily populated area? I know I wouldn’t! If nothing else, it helps keep the riff-raff & trailer trash off the beaches. I get enough of those visual atrocities at Wal-Mart, thank you very much!
Yet it seems to me that the HSUS is being elitist, if not downright speciesist, when it comes to choosing which spillers of innocent blood they fight to protect. It’s common knowledge that the most dangerous predator on Earth is MAN. Specifically Chuck Norris and Fred Thompson, but other humans have been known to pose a threat on occasion, too.

“if HSUS can fight for the rights of an animal that smells like a Red Lobster dumpster in August, why can’t it fight for an animal that likes to blow up women and children?”

Lately, the biggest non-Chuck-non-Fred threat to human life has been Islamic terrorists. Why isn’t the HSUS doing something to protect them? Not a day goes by that the headlines don’t splash the horrific death toll of our precious dwindling terrorist resources. Granted, five or ten splattered Hadjis may not sound like a big loss, but that constant trickle of corpses adds up. Coddling Allah’s Islamic Radicals (CAIR) estimates that over 100,000 terrorists have been lost since 9/11, and their remaining numbers keep spiraling downward.
I find this repugnant.
A species is a species and endangered is endangered. Sure, terrorists lack the grandeur of the elephant or the cuddly, photogenic appeal of a Panda bear. And yes, they smell bad, oppress women, and plot the global genocide of all non-Muslims. Hey, they can’t ALL be baby Harp Seals! But if HSUS can fight for the rights of an animal that smells like a Red Lobster dumpster in August, why can’t it fight for an animal that likes to blow up women and children? At least it’s a MAMMAL for cryin’ out loud!
The fact is, if we don’t stop the insane slaughter of our dangerously fanatical – yet charmingly quirky – Muslim brethren, soon there won’t be a single terrorist left alive on earth! I can’t imagine the shame of trying to explain to my grandchildren that – because I did nothing – he can only see filthy, butchering Jihadists in picture books or Guantanamo.
Well, if HSUS is going to drop the ball on this one, I certainly won’t! It’s time to get organized! Call your congressman! Call the President! Speak out in whatever forum is available to you! Worst case, start one of web-blob thingies! If you’re a hot chick, post naked pictures of yourself on your MySpace page in protest. Or just send them directly to me. Whichever. It doesn’t matter, as long as you make your voice heard!
If we don’t do something now, there will soon come a day when crazed Islamofascists are just a faded memory, never again to grace our planet with their murderous majesty.
And I can’t think of anything more tragic.
Can you?
Harvey is a non-disabled Navy veteran accidentally hired to fill an affirmative action quota at IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Red Lobster: Genocidal Hate Criminals” and “Nude Photography for Righteously Indignant Hot Chicks”.

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

The most scientifically accepted unified field theory is Fred Thompson.