Mary Katharine (Superstar!) Ham has a transcript of a phone call her friend got from the RNC asking for donations. It makes it easy to see why the Republican Party is losing donations now. I think they can raise money just fine, though; the telemarketers just have to be smart about what to say to the Republicans they call:
RNC: Hi. This is the Republican National Committee calling to get your donations to help fight evil and the Democrats.
Callee: I’m not giving you guys any money. You support illegal immigrants and call me a dumb racist for complaining.
RNC: That’s not true at all. Where are you getting such ideas?
Callee: Blogs.
RNC: (laughs) Blogs? You can’t trust those. They’re all written by drugged out pedophiles.
Callee: Really?
RNC: Yes. Every single one.
Callee: Well… it still seems like the Republican Party doesn’t even like Republican voters anymore. You ignore our concerns and make fun of us.
RNC: That’s not us. The ones supporting illegal immigration and insulting you are the Republicons — spelled with an ‘o’. They’re the ones that hate Republican voters. We’re the Republicans — spelled with an ‘a’. We still like Republican voters. The Republicons are out to deceive you about us, though.
Callee: Like the Decepticons!
RNC: Um… yes, exactly like that. So that’s why to stop the… um… Decepticons, you have to give money to us, the… um…
Callee: Autobots!
RNC: Yes. Now you understand.
Callee: So who is Optimus Prime? Is it Fred Thompson?
RNC: Um… yeah, why not.
Callee: If I give you money, will it go to him?
RNC: Um… sure! That’s exactly who it will go to. Now go fetch a credit card.
Callee: Will this be tax deductible?
RNC: If you try and deduct it from your taxes, I won’t stop you.
See, they can still get contributions; it’s all about the telemarketers knowing how to handle the voters’ concerns. So, RNC, if you want help, I can be a consultant for you if you pay me big cash money… and I only accept payments in the form of canvas bags full of money with a big dollar sign printed on the front.
Archive of entries posted on 1st June 2007
IMAO Now an Important Research Tool for Pundits
You may notice some familiar material in Jonah Goldberg’s syndicated column about Fred Thompson. I hope more columnist realize what an important research tool IMAO is. Every bit of info on this site goes through a rigorous verification process where we ask ourselves these questions before any factoid appears on IMAO:
* Does this information look true?
* Do we care if it looks true?
* Do we care enough to edit Wikipedia to make it true?
So trust IMAO; it’s more work for you if you don’t.
The Future of Cindy Sheehan
Recently, gold-star mother and moonbat extraordinaire Cindy Sheehan announced at Daily Kos that she was “resigning as the face of American anti-war movement” in order to spend more time with her remaining children, for whom I feel great pity.
But I imagine that knocking on the doors of relatives who refuse to answer will only take up part of her time. What else will Cindy Sheehan be doing now that her activist days are over? I have my guesses:
- Sell “I bit the hand that fed me… Democrats really DO taste like chicken” T-shirts.
- Tour the country promoting her “Vanilla Ice Cream Hunger Strike Diet“.
- Get implants, marry an oil billionaire, inherit a fortune, have a baby of uncertain paternity, and die under suspicious circumstances.
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* Search for a way to further disgrace Casey’s memory that doesn’t include suicide-bombing a shopping mall while yelling “Allah Akbar!”.
* Give up attention whoring for crack whoring, replace Cartman’s mom on the cover of Crack Whore Magazine, and enjoy the best of both worlds.
* Thwart thought-controlling, corporate, fascist, war-machine by replacing tinfoil hat with light-weight, space-age graphite/titanium composite model.
* Make Home Depot a ton of money from sales of new door locks to her kids.
* Move to France, get a job in a white flag factory, and learn how to say “primates capitulards et toujours en quete de fromages”.
* Star in new Michael Moore documentary, “Wacko”.
* Buy black shirt, sweat pants, and Nikes; await Comet Hale-Bopp’s return.
* Accept Apple’s offer to play “Loony Linux Lady” in their Mac vs. PC commercials.
* Photoshop Hitler moustache onto picture of chimpanzee. Label it Bush. Giggle. Repeat.
* FINALLY have a morning free to just sit around waiting for the cable guy.
* Start ordering her martinis shaken instead of stirred.
* Marry a fat, philandering Arkansas politician and bide her time until she can take her shot at the White House.
* Save a fortune on dry-cleaning expenses, since she doesn’t have to lie on Casey’s grave for the cameras any more.
* Contact Robin Williams about her idea for a new sitcom, “Mork & Cindy”.
* Franchise-destroying appearance in latest “Girls Gone Wild” video.
* Write definitive Moonbat-English dictionary, if she can remember how to speak English.
Personally, I don’t care what she does. I just want her to fade so far from memory that eventually – when people hear the name Sheehan – they’ll only think of how Casey won his Bronze Star for Valor.