Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
…bores me.
… – HD Micro Pron.
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
it can tell time.
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
totally unencrypted email, just like Hillary’s!
More smug than a fleet of Priuses (Prii?)
(oh crud, it IS Prii – https://www.cars.com/articles/2011/02/plural-of-prius-prii-not-according-to-latin-experts/)
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
Frickin’ laser beams like James Bond.
…is that it requires a proprietary, Apple interface connector making you feel special – like the good little, narcissistic Millennial you are.
It’s shiny exterior distracts from Apple’s recent induction into the alliance held by Proctor & Gamble, the reverse vampires, The Gnomes of Zurich, and Starbucks Coffee.
Fnord
…countdown timer to obsolescence
…the tiny screen is almost big enough to display an entire word…well, an entire word thats in your average iWatch owner’s vocabulary…you’ll have to scroll for the really fancy words
…has an app that evaluates the smell of your own farts for you (old South Park episode about smug-producing vehicles)
…instantly qualifies you for a $10/hr job at the Genius Bar (seriously, working at a Genius Bar pretty much excludes any chance you may be a genius)
…can make several hundred dollars disappear from your parents’ wallet
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
…it has optional accessories including a yellow fedora and a yellow trench-coat so you can look like Dick Tracy.
…is that Apple battery life is now up to 3 hours and 17 minutes!
…was the announcement.
…it’s able to completely block the damaging effects of the sun on the patch of skin directly behind it.
…the protective case is sold separately
…the Apple logo is large enough to be seen from 5 feet away
…it can detect when you’re having “private time”
…putting it on your wrist interferes with most of it’s functions. Apple attributes the improper design of the human wrist.
…it’s going to become the most common gift parents buy their unemployed, entitled 20-something, that they never paid enough attention to to know what would REALLY be a good gift.
…it can categorize your entire pr0n collection by preference, and monitor the calories burned for iHealth
…is the Hypnotism app (“Watch the watch…”)
…is that the Russian version watches YOU.
…is that no Google-glass was harmed during it’s manufacture.
…is they didn’t put “SMART” in the name because let’s face it….
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature… is how easy it is to identify the smug a$$h@les who bought it.
They do, however, look a bit silly walking around with one sleeve rolled up just enough to show off how much they spent on a watch.
…is the Bluetooth feature that will automatically open the door to your parents basement.
…it’s endorsed by Inspector Gadget.
…the real ‘killer’ app included is the one that slashes your wrists when it senses that the cost of your healthcare will exceed your intrinsic value. It’s called the Sarah Said App.
…whenever you arrive at the city limits of Chicago, it starts playing this song: https://youtu.be/0bdGMpRNzO4
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
– will be the irony of every ACLU lawyer wearing one while they file lawsuits about government intrusion into American lives.
– Is that it can be programmed to send a tingle down your leg whenever Obama speaks.
– Is that it didn’t cost American taxpayers billions of dollars, as solar energy, global warming, etc. have.
The Apple Watch’s most exciting feature…
..is that Hilary can now receive all her emails and donations from foreign countries more discretely.
..is the anticipation of all those videos showing people walking into signs, poles, buildings, etc. while watching the watch.
..it matches so well with every costume one might wear to Comic/Star Trek/Brony conventions
…the patent infringement suit coming from Dick Tracey
(Thanks to @22…)
…is that it’s State Department approved as being fully unhackable!
@24 Jimmy
Were ANY of her emails?
. . . is the same as the most exciting feature for any Apple product – its high price tag, which allows its owner to transmit the message that she has so much money that she can afford to piss it away on something completely unnecessary, as long as it has the right label on it.
… is its intermittent magnetic attraction to Google glasses — which causes the wearers of both to repeatedly whack themselves between the eyes.
… while the device chants: “Stop hipping yourself! Stop hipping yourself!”