Straight Line of the Day: The Most Exciting Event Staged During Today’s International Women’s Day Celebrations…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
The most exciting event staged during today’s International Women’s Day celebrations…
The most exciting event staged during today’s International Women’s Day celebrations…
MAGAWC*
*Make America Great Again Without Chicks
was the parallel parking competition, followed by the competition to pick a paint color (that one usually last at least three months).
…celebratory fireworks courtesy of Woody Kaine. http://pilotonline.com/news/government/politics/virginia/tim-kaine-s-son-arrested-after-protesters-disrupt-trump-rally/article_6adc1f4d-d64a-58cd-9694-82403dba5c1f.html
“Woody Kaine”? He sounds like a d|ck.
The sandwich making competition.
Tuna Sammich?
…Best HelloKitty hat competition. (replaces the swimsuit competition)
was the event for who can spend the longest time in a shopping center without buying the item that she “intended” to buy when she entered.
was the men’s competition for the most creative response to the question “Does this make my butt look big”? (My answer is always, “No. It looks big without any help.”)
My answer, if I was suicidal, would be, “Well nothing could make it look smaller.”
I’ve been a bachelor for close to sixty-five years, by design, which includes saying things like “it looks big without any help”.
Silly me, I assumed a “Day Without Women” meant they’d go away and not nag any of us men for 24 hours. Boy was I wrong!
The “hold my wine spritzer and watch THIS” bar bet competition.
The “Anyone Who Can Articulate What We Are Protesting Wins” contest
The “Watch Men Misinterpret Our Call For a Flash Mob” contest
The “We Want Equal Pay for Equal Work Done By Men Today” drum circle
…the culminating pageant will be sponsored by Donald Triumph.
The “Cisterhood Is Powerful” March,
a.k.a.
“Let’s Shun the Non-Cis-Gendered Who May or may Not Decide To Take a Half-Day Today”
The Pussy Galore parachute competition.
…was the ceremonial throwing out of the first transsexual…
The most exciting event staged during today’s International Women’s Day celebrations…
The twenty minute Kvetch.
Longest time spent not mentioning Hitler during a rant.
Shortest time to finding a bathroom [built by manly men] along the march route.
Most number of signs spotted denouncing “Honor Killings”.
The solo female self circumcision contest. Bloody well right…!
… The opening Cher-o’-Moanies.
… the ripping up and burning of alimony awards made to strong, independent women…I can only assume….
Throwing out the first biasball.
The All-Woman March for Diversity and Inclusion
(March8ers gonna 8.)
… the Occupy AWOL Street rally.
… The “TAV (Totes Adorbs Whatevs)” pink knit-hat competition.
… The “Nasty Women” rally hosted by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Hillary and Chelsea Clinton.
(ProTip: It ought to have been held on the upcoming Daylight Savings Day… It would only be 95.8% of a day. Injustice!!)
… The call for A Formative Action, requiring men to bear half of the babies, since they are half of the population.
… The call for a seat on the Supreme Court, as long as that seat is put down.
Silly me — I thought the left was still parodyable. Re “A Formative Action”:
Day Without A Woman Protester: ‘Women Birth Half The Population’
Daily Caller News Foundation | March 8, 2017
“Women birth half the population and we are half the population!” – Nelini Stamp from the Working Families Party #DayWithoutAWoman . . . Nelini Stamp, who serves as National Membership Director for Working Families, failed to mention who gives birth to the other half of the population . . .
… the poll dance contest between Warren, Michelle, and Chelsea.
Ewwww-S-A!
Rasmea Yousef Odeh was punched in the face by a genuine social justice warrior who, after explaining that she believed Odeh to be “totes a fascist,” was celebrated and protected rather than arrested. OK, I dreamed that.
Massive productivity increases across the nation as men complete tasks at accelerated rates given that there are no women interrupting asking:
– are you done yet?
– do you know what you’re doing?
– shouldn’t you call somebody first?
– should we have a meeting about this?
– all HR offices are empty
…the bra burning contest. It lifted and separated all who attended.
(Oh, come on. Think about it.)
Sean Spicer playing Dodgeball with Trump’s promise that Trumpcare would “cover everybody”.
…….the Lollapelosia dance and comedy festival – complete with pussy hat craft booths.