• Take hostages, then release them. Repeat.
• Require Digital ID to view any page — or to press any key on your keyboard — or to turn on or off your computer, because Digital IDs are tight.
• Require captchas to view any captcha. Endless loop!
• AI. Lots of AI. In fact, too much AI. Like oregano. A little goes a long way.
• Bitcoin. Lots of Bitcoin. For the virtual vending machines.
• Replace Oppo with Appo. Might save money and do something.
• ???
• Profit!
• Judge intern applicants on their accomplishments (just kidding).
• Get liberal Bionic Woman to stop teaching kids about the “Gulf of Mexico.”

• Start teaching the Bionic Woman about Long Circuits.
• Do not submerge Bionic Woman in water. (Does this apply to any fluid? Unclear.)
• She may be bipolar; she’s on lithium (heh).
• Cease using the following technology to post weekly Hootenanny to those within earshot:

• As Trump shows, avoid earshot.
• Eliminating turntables will give interns who were hired as “subtle lifters” more free time.

What Happened to South America’s Megafauna?
Archaeology Magazine | October 6, 2025

According to a Phys.org report, large numbers of megafauna bones discovered at archaeological sites in three South American countries suggest that humans regularly consumed giant sloths and giant armadillos between 13,000 and 11,600 years ago. …

… Prates and his team members now think that hunters in South America targeted megafauna because larger animals yielded more food. 

DUHH!!

I’ve already made my contribution with the brilliant idea about pronouncing “Noah” as “No-Way.”

I implore you to leave the burning bush alone.

Sen. John Kennedy (R-La.) has previously revealed on the Senate floor some of the funding priorities that Democrats shut down the government over.

They include $3 million for circumcisions and vasectomies in Zambia, $500,000 for electric buses in Rwanda, and $3.6 million for pastry cooking classes and dance focus groups aimed at male prostitutes in Haiti. He also cited $6 million for media organizations supporting Palestinians [which they would do for free], $833,000 for transgender programs in Nepal, $300,000 for a pride parade in Lesotho, $882,000 for social media mentorship in Serbia, and $4.2 million for LGBTQI initiatives across the Western Balkans and Uganda.

Maybe buy a globe?