Any ideas?

Here are some craptastic ones:

What To Do If You See A Mountain Lion While Hiking in the Bay Area
KQED | Aug 14 2025 | Sarah Wright

…“I felt really small,” said McDonald, a biologist and researcher who’s now the founder and president of the Bay Area Puma Project, a local wild cat research and conservation organization that’s part of the Felidae Conservation Fund. “I disrupted his opportunity to get a meal.”…

That’s “survival,” lib.

…And while she had fears, “he was not a threat,” she said. ..

And that’s anti-survival.

… “It’s really important to keep your pets inside.”…That goes for outdoor cats and unsupervised dogs in yards as well as livestock …“

A herd of cows?

I notice she didn’t add the logical extension: “yourself.”

And here’s my absolute favorite part:

“If you have a backpack, you can put that over your head to make yourself seem a bit bigger,” he said.

At least you won’t see the mountain lion anymore, with your head in the backpack.

If the mountain lion is advancing toward you, you can even throw rocks or sticks at it, he said.

Experts — is there anything they haven’t thought through?

Colorado police wrangle emu on the loose in Lakewood
UPI | 8/19/25 | Ben Hooper

A Colorado police department said officers had a “pretty emu-sing day” when a large, flightless bird was spotted running loose in Lakewood.

Might work.

In cases where you don’t like videos about marbles, for instance.

I don’t happen to have the video of it handy.

But it’s Barack Obama “dropping the mike” like a tough-as-nails rapper, after saying “There’s one thing Donald Trump won’t be called: ‘president’.”

Sch**enfreude.

We’re going to have a big, beautiful museum — a lot of very smart people think it’ll be the best anyone’s ever seen.

As you move through dimly lit rooms, guides will attempt to pick your pockets and introduce you to kiosks that narrate the story of vibrant people who have been through IMAO. Coin-operated kiosks.

Sample stories:

“I remember it like it was yesterday. I came here for the Babesleaga yesterday.”

“I was born a poor black child.”

“I joined too late to find out which pronunciation of Basil was correct. But I know it’s not the other one. Who are you?”

“I am a cat and feel accepted at IMAO.”

“I don’t think we’re in the right museum, dear.”

“Smarter people will be found, autochthonously, on the Mensanine level.”

Taggert: “Phew! I reckon you’all have had enough beans.”

I guess when they hang pictures around here, they literally hang pictures.

Also Rules That Cars As Big As a Whale Are Environmental Crimes