Found this comment to my short post on illegal immigrants from “wiseguy”:

all you posters are just some low life trailer trash hicks and are a poor excuse for human beings. reminds me of germans that rallied for hitler. maybe trying to combine your carrot brains and buying a history book might actually open your diluted eyes.

Apparently, if you read the history books, the Nazi’s taking over Germany came about from anger over their trailer park getting hit with a tornado and the government’s inability to do anything about it. Naturally, the Jews were blamed.
Without trolls, how would we learn anything?

IT’S GOOD LAIR AND HARVEY DON’T LIVE TOGETHER, OR THEY’D HAVE THIS PROBLEM TOO: Obviously, that’s Frank who got the hate mail. He must have started the post at home on the laptop when he was dogsitting.
I just got this comment from a “Mary Jane” to my Super Happy Fun Partial Birth Abortion FAQ post, and I’d almost have to think it’s a joke:

ii think this site is very harable and you are some idots!!!!

If this was a serious hate comment, how did this person even operate the computer to find this site?

Jim Tarver, who missed the social studies class about communism, writes… (edited for language)

Why don’t you pinkos go and fight the wars? Because you’re pinkos. You f@g war whimps need to get over the thought that poor kids can fight your battles for you.
So, pick your sorry pinkytoes up and go fight the wars if you want. Just leave the rest of us to live our lives in peace.

You’re totally right, Jim. You’ve really turned me around here.

I wrote a nice little post about how everyone loves IMAO (I even got an e-mail from a liberal today who enjoys IMAO), but then I found this comment (edited for language):

This website SUCKS!!! What a bunch of sick ronin you all are. I HATE neo-cons! Your gun worshipping is revolting. Go blow away each other in your self-righteousness. Keep a handgun with you at all times! Shoot first and ask questions later, just like dick(head) cheney did while quail hunting! Go blow up the rest of the world, go nuke them to prove how “bad ass” you really are. Yee-haw! Then kill all the liberals, kill all the socialists, kill all the Europeans (because they aren’t into “intelligent design” and still prefer science (you know–the science that brought you the internet…your PC…you Mac…your chemo-therapy if you ever had cancer…etc). I just don’t get you people. I think you are ruining my country. There is SERIOUS division in this country now. I think it will only get much worse in the years to come.

I’d respond to the substance of this comment, but IT’S ALL TOTALLY TRUE!
Still, this person seems unhappy. People should be happy. You, Mr. Liberal, need to be more happy. Find a grassy field on a sunny day and spend the afternoon chasing butterflies. After that, you come back and comment again. I’m sure your comment will be much more happy and make us all happy too. Then the circle of happiness goes on!
Remember, ronin, many liberals out there are just in need of a hug, so go hug them and make them happy.
IMAO accepts no responsibility for hug related mishaps. Anyone who takes advice from Frank J. is doing so at his own risk and against the advice of about any lawyer.

My post on how to draw Mohammed seemed to gain the ire of a Muslim… or at least I think so. The comment is kinda hard to understand, but you can see for yourself:
(CAUTION: Contains coarse language and poor grammar and spelling)

Continue reading ‘Another Great Represenative of Islam’ »

I got some hate mail yesterday from one Brian who was unable to find the joke. I responded politely, and then he came back at me with this:

> LOL! What prompted this one? We’re you molested as a kid?
>
>
I guess it’s all the tough guy posturing with a gun. That coupled with your scrawny frame looks like a classic wimp complex. I could be wrong but, I doubt it.
>If anything at IMAO does not meet your standards, you can send it back for
>a full refund
Ok, you owe me seven minutes of dsl time.
Brian

Now we’re getting off topic. I tried a little harder to be helpful this time:

Thank you for your frankness, but I assure you I have an “efficiently compact” frame, and not a “scrawny” one. Anyway, not to sound homophobic, but this focus on my body by another guy is creeping me out a bit.
As for the gun posturing, it is natural to posture when one has guns. If it frightens you, I assure you that statistics show that one is more likely to be stuck by lightning than shot by me (of course, the probably of both of those rise significantly if you live in Florida).
As for owing you for seven minutes of DSL time, I assume you are kidding. The issue of finding the joke as was the focus of your previous e-mail must be of great concern to you to take the time to write me an e-mail. Of more concern is the value of my time, but I still don’t charge for responding to e-mails and always like to help one in need. I gather from these two e-mails that you are probably about eleven years old, not given much attention from your parents, and looking for a father figure (I could be wrong, but I doubt it). While I can’t be that father figure you desperately need, young Brian (understand, I have a busy schedule), I can help you find the joke you seek.
I must ask some questions to find where you went awry. Where did you look for the joke? We’re you of full cognitive facilities when you looked (i.e., not under the influence of drugs)? Most importantly, when you were looking for the joke, was your head inside or outside of your own ass?
I know you can find the joke, young Brian. Just keep reaching for that rainbow.
Cordially,
Frank J.
http://imao.us

He’s already answered with a much longer e-mail, really trying to get under my skin this time. It’s funnier when they try. We’ll try to see how long Brian can give us free amusement.

So here I am, minding my own business, and I get this e-mail:

Umm… I’m just wondering.. when does the funny start?
Or… am I missing a joke somewhere?
Brian.
P.S. You got beat up a lot as a kid didn’t you?

I’ve grown a lot in popularity since I started blogging, but the hate mail has failed to match it. That’s actually the best I’ve gotten in months. Did what I could to work with it and responded thusly:

LOL! What prompted this one? We’re you molested as a kid?
IMAO stands by its near three year history of humor excellence. If anything at IMAO does not meet your standards, you can send it back for a full refund (except for t-shirts).
Good day and better luck on finding the joke.
-Frank J.
http://imao.us

Beaten up as a kid? You’re talking to Frank J., here. Like I’d put up with such rubbish at any age. As my father always told me when I was young:

“If another kid hits you, hit him back. Or, if someone looks at you funny, hit him. Plus, if you’re bored, might as well hit somebody. Also, if some kid bothers you while you’re in the middle of watching a football game, hit him just like I’m about to hit you.”

UPDATE: He’s already responded. No reference to lyrics from Rage Against the Machine, but I’ll do my best to work my magic on it.

Guest Blogger Kelly here. I had some ideas to improve on previous posts, so the egalitarian imao.us crew gave me the chance to do so. We the people have spoken! Now, eat of the fruits of my labors . . .

Continue reading ‘sic semper tyranus’ »

Those of you who read sarahk’s website (all fifteen of you 😀 ) know that FrankJ recently purchased a decked out karaoke machine that has recording capabilities. He’s already cut half a dozen gems, including a kick ass cover of Free Bird that has to be heard to be believed. He’s asked that I design an album cover so that he can sell a CD in the imao.us store. I’m having trouble narrowing the field down–which one do you like best? . . .

Continue reading ‘let your voice be heard . . .’ »

Now here is why hate mail is funny. It’s like the guy is charging me full force, but then I end up being this big unmovable oak tree that they smack right into. Seeing people running into things is funny. Most, after doing so, get back up and reassess the situation, but what was unique about The Limey was that he instantly ran full force into the tree a second time… and a third… and a fourth…
Well, Mikey, after his initial e-mail, seems to be like the former and has calmed down (swearing edited once again for The Children™):

Hey, man. Nothing personal, I’m just a bored person tryin to get somebody’s goat, and I respect that you can have a sense of humor at the fact that you don’t give a wicky-wacky woozle about anybody but yourself. That’s your deal not mine. I stumbled upon your website after a google search of monkeys (dont ask me why) and seen your monkey picture, which was funny. But anyways. I’ll raise my glass of bargain brand to you and your coors (anti semetic brewing company, mind you) and let you continue to think that the news speaks the truth and that President Bush does give a woozle about anybody. It is my opinion (lets not fling “facts” around here, because neither of us will see them as that) that this was is not against terrorists, but rather against a foriegn body that had something we wanted (oil, i.e. money). Iraq never had any ties to 9-11, so this has nothing to do with terrorism. T! he terrorists are all over the place, so we have as much right to bomb the flippy-doo out of any country as much as we did Iraq. Since Iraq is an arab country, it doesnt hurt the conscience of our leaders to kill civilians, because they are of another complexion, not to mention the fact that the majority of them are muslim (another aspect of this unHoly War). But snicker-doodle all this, I could spit the legitimate and rational reasons against this was to you for hours, it would never change your mind, just the same as you could put me on to the Fox news and I would still see through it. It isn’t me that would change your mind. Maybe if you were over in Iraq, or I was over in Iraq, but as far as I can tell, neither of us is. Maybe I’ll twiddle my thumbs, and stop questioning our governments motives, because i want to be a patriot, and we all know that patriots arent supposed to think for themselves. Have a good one, dude.

Of course, there were some swipes at me there and it is filled with enough logical holes that you could use it strain spaghetti, but it’s not funny enough to respond to again. When will there be another Limey? When will someone once again, get up, dust himself off, and charge face first into a tree again?
Such people are rare in life… and all busy posting at Democratic Underground.

Yay! Mail! That’s how I learn to be better. Let’s see what Mike Massey has to say (f’ing turned to “wicky-wacky” for the sake of The Children™; actually, it still ain’t good for the children so you’ll have to click the “Read More” thingy):

Continue reading ‘Eating Habits in the Ghetto’ »