To the tune of “I Will Survive”:

Sure, you are afraid
You are petrified
Kept thinking you could never give
Enough to Antifa on your side
But then you’ve spun so many rights
Thinking they’re so many wrongs
You grew strong
By learning how to get along
And groped my back
No personal space
I just walked in to find you here
With an odd smile on your face
We should have changed our stupid laws
We should have made you leave your seat
If we’d thought for just one second
You’d be backed by Mayor Pete

Go on, now, Joe! Walk out the door!
Just leave that basement
‘Cause you’re not hiding anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt with all your lies?
Did you think Trump would crumble?
Did you think he’d lay down and die?
Oh no, nut-guy
He will survive
As long as I know tit from tat
I know he’ll stay alive
He’s got all your life to rock
He’s got all your lies to mock
And he’ll survive
He will survive (heh heh)

It takes all the strength you have
Not to fall downstairs
Keep trying hard to fend
Off investigations of your broken heirs
And you spent oh so many nights
Feeling sorry for yourself
They used your lies
Now they hold you up on high
On ABC
Somebody knew
All those massaged-up little girls?
Well, that’s just you being you
And when you felt like dropping trow
When Secret Service had to watch
Relax, they’re saving all their outrage
For if Trump refers to crotch

Go on, now, Joe! Come take the floor!
Just turn around your views:
‘Cuz, you’re not for fracking anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to break him with the FBI?
Did he crumble?
Did he lay down and die?
Oh no, nutjob
He did survive
He did survive
Heh, heh . . . .

DB Dukes!

He’s faster on the draw than I am. DARN him! Here’s his song parody. Followed by mine.

In the spirit of Walrus, who did it better? Frankly, I like his better, because it doesn’t go off on a tangent.

{Shakes fist} DB Dukes!!

DB Dukes’ version:

Oh, I’m being followed by a Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker
Dodgin’ and runnin’ from a Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker

And if I ever take your rights, take your guns, take your land
Oh if I ever win the race, my voters won’t have to work no more
And though can’t believe your eyes, only color matters now
BLM gives orders now, and we jump and say “How high?”

But I’m being followed by a Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker
Dodgin’ and runnin’ from a Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker

They follow all my moves, as I slowly lose my mind
If oppose me they do try, “racists” I will cry.
And they tell about my fall, into madness, which I hide
Yes, they’re truly telling all, and so stop them I will try.

But I’m being followed by a Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker
Dodgin’ and runnin’ from a Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker, Moon Nuker

My stupid second-place version:

{Shakes fist} “DB Dukes!!”

Oh, I’m being followed by a moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker
Leaping to conclusions like a moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker

And if my comment’s ever banned, for reasons I don’t understand,
Oh if I ever show my hand, Oh if… I won’t Fizzbin any more.
And if I ever lose my mind, judge men by color, humor runs dry,
Yes if I ever lose my mind, Oh if… I won’t quote Blazing Saddles any more.

Yes I’m being followed by a moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker
Quoting by permission like a moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker

And have you ever seen Maryanne’s legs? I mean, I won’t moan, and I won’t beg,
Yes, but if you’ve ever seen her legs? Oh if… I don’t have to talk no more.
And then what about Ginger too? Rosy lips, kicky hairdo..
Yes if I ever have to choose, Oh if… I can’t ever choose.

Does it take long to comment? I ask the faithful crew…
Does it take long to comment? And what’s up with the freaking emu?

I’m being followed by a moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker
Leapin’ and hoppin’ like a moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker
Moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker, moon nuker

A less-played song by the Beatles on the British “Help” album, but not on the American album, and not in the movie: “Tell Me What You See”

♩♩♪

If you let me take your arms

I will prove to you

We will never let gendarmes

Be apart from you

.

Open up your eyes now

Tell me what you see

“It should be no surprise now”

— MSDNC

.

Big and black the crowds may be

This will pass away

I’m afraid that Antifa

Will make white affray

Pepper-spray these eyes now

Hell, we closed U.C.

Pepper-spray away now

What you call “Zhe” is me

.

Tell Me What To Think!

.

♫  ♫ ♫  ♫

.

Look at all these barricades

How can I get through?

Can’t you try to see that I’m

Tryin’ to ghetto you?

.

Hopin’ to arise now

Chicks don’t seem to see

No element of surprise now

Won’t you CS me?

.

Tell Me What To Think!

.

♩♩♪ ♩♩♪

(Based on “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane)

♫ ♪

One bill makes you debtors,

And one bill blames you all

And the ones that rob you, Peter,

Don’t give anything to Paul.

GoFund malice

Piled ten feet tall.

And if you go acting rabid

And you build yourself a wall:

Tell ’em hooker-father-in-law Biden

Would tear down walls, one and all.

One-task malice:

Like the likes of Jussie Smoll…

When the men on the press board

Get rich and tell you where to go

And you’ve just had some kind of mushroom

In Mom’s basement, and want to go below

Invite bums to her palace

I think she’ll know.

When logic and proportion

Are given no more place,

And “White Rights” are deemed backwards

And the Reds scream “Out with their race!”

Remember Biden’s face:

Feed your base.

Feed your base.

Feed your base…”

♫ ♪

[To the tune of “Thunder Road”] by Bruce Epstein

♫  ♫

The cell door slams

A wary press waves

Televisions wink out in surveillance rooms as the radio plays

Whitewash as bad as Tom Sawyer’s —

Hey, I’m Epstein, and I want my lawyers —

Don’t unscrew the bulb again

I just can’t beat myself to a pulp again

Don’t run back outside, Warden, you know just what I’m here for:

Pols are scared and they’re thinking that maybe I ain’t that strong anymore

Show a little faith in the magic of blackmail

You ain’t on duty, but that’s just a detail

Oh, and the alt-right can’t get me

♩

You can hide behind a cover story, study your plan

Make excuses when discovered, throw somebody in a van

Spend your summers from now on in Milan

Ignoring the word on the street:

Well, I’m like Nero, I’m like a god

All the extortion I can offer (girls) is beneath this dirty facade

With a chance to make it pay somehow

Hey, what else can they do to me now?

Except, why are they rolling up a towel and letting my roommate out the door?

With this story busting open these headlines soon won’t be there anymore

We have one last chance to get that witch —

Did I remember a dead man’s switch?

Screens all black . . . no one’s watching or even keeping track . . .

Uh, oh, overplayed my hand

Checking out tonight so others won’t take the stand

Oh, oh, oh, oh, Under Oath

Oh, Under Oath, oh Under Oath

Lying out there, when you’re Prisoner #1

Hey I know it’s karma, we can’t fake it or run

Oh, oh, oh, oh, Under Oath:
These lies
Take hold
Under Oath

♩♩♪

Well, they got to the guards and they learned how to make me not talk

And the coroner’s out back if you’re ready to take that long walk

To the front page from my bedsheet

The story’s there but the writers ain’t free

And I know they’re happy for words that I ain’t spoke

Tonight they’ll be free, and my mistress will be broke

There were ghosts in the eyes of all the victims we threw away

They haunt that disgusting beach condo in the frame-ups and porno pedo ways

They scream my name at night in the street

Saturation media lies like rags about defeat

And as they only try to blame Don

You hear their anchors roaring on

But my secrets and fortune are gone on the wind:
Very clandestine —

In a story full of losers

But “I didn’t kill myself”

For the win!

♫  ♫

♫ ♫ ♫ ♫

♫  ♫
Well, I’m a loner trite and bitter
Gonna rail to my local D.A.
I’m gonna get a record
Bail I want my mommy to pay
Pulled over Beethoven’s statue, I heard that he’s racist today

You know the temperature’s risin’
And we douchebags are blowin’ a fuse
My cohort’s beatin’ victims
Yet my state keeps votin’ blue
Pulled over Beethoven, and they call this Bolshevik news

I got the Wuhan pneumonia
But took a shot at stealin’ some shoes
I caught Corona virus gettin’ down with the gals from #MeToo
Pull over Beethoven, he’s racist as two plus two.

Well, if you feel it, try it
Go get your loot on and really riot
Roll cars over
And MoveOn.org has
A rifle if you really buy it
Want another?
Pull over Beethoven, loot all the sneakers and booze

Well early in the mornin’ I’m-a givin’ you Air Jordans
To exchange my new size two’s
Don’t fit my feet, ain’t got no receipt
But I got nothin’ to lose
Pulled over Beethoven, I know you’re ticked off at the news

You know she thinks like a child
Dems like to spit on cops
She got a crazy partner
Ya oughta see ’em CHAZ and CHOP
Long as they’re egged on by Time this nonsense will never stop

Pull over Beethoven
Pull over Beethoven
Pull over Beethoven
Pull over Beethoven
Pull over Beethoven, but just watch out for his shoes

♩♩♪

(by the Self-Righteous Brothers)

♩♩♪

You never touch your eyes any more, nor touch my lips
And there isn’t soap in the world enough to clean your fingertips
You’re trying hard not to spread it (baby)
But baby, baby forget it:

[Chorus]
I’ve lost that Covid feeling
Whoa, that Covid feeling
I’ve lost that Covid feeling
Now it’s gone, gone, gone, whoa

Now there’s no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for your mask
And now you’re starting to criticize little things I ask
It makes me feel just like the flu does (baby)
‘Cause, baby, you treat me like Judas

I’ve lost that Covid feeling
Whoa, that Covid feeling
I’ve lost that Covid feeling
Now it’s gone, gone, gone, whoa

[Bridge]

Baby, baby, I get down on my knee and protest
That you should love me with no test, yeah
We had a love, a love, a love I don’t want rejected
So don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t treat me as infected
Baby (baby), baby (baby)
I beg of you, please, please
I need no gloves (I need no gloves)
I need no gloves (I need no gloves)
So bring last year back (So bring it on back)
Bring last year back (So bring it on back)

♩♩♪

[To the tune of “Monster Mash”]

♫  ♫
It escaped from the lab late one night
So goodbye, Isis, there’s a new thing in sight
The death toll began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

Covid and mask, they donned a demonstrative mask
Demonstrative mask, it’s such a simple task
Demonstrative mask, every Karen will ask
Demonstrative mask, “Where is your demonstrative mask?”

From that laboratory out in the Far East
To your master bedroom (and you can’t call a priest)
You should stay in . . . for your own protection
And give your vote to my election

They donned the mask, they donned the demonstrative mask
Demonstrative mask, such a symbolic task
Demonstrative mask, every Karen will ask
Demonstrative mask, where’s your demonstrative mask?

♫  ♫
The zombies were having fun, and the Dem party had a two-for-one
The guests included Creepy Biden and his questionable son
♫  ♫

The streets were chaos, all protections denied
But that’s OK as they’re on the left’s side
No social distance test during social unrest
We have a vocal group, so screw the rest

They put on masks, so they could grab and smash
And grab some cash, because it makes them brash
It’s quite a stash, they turned the city to trash
It’s just a mask, but why are cops so rash?

Out from his basement Biden’s voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by, you know, the thing
He opened an eyelid and shook his fist
And said “There’s never been a plague like this!”

Now everything’s cool, masks are part of the land
Demonstrative masks at every lemonade stand
For you, the healthy, this mask was meant to
Make you feel like you’re diseased, maybe deceased too

So wear a mask, wear a demonstrative mask
Demonstrative mask, it’s such a simple task
Demonstrative mask, every Karen will ask
Demonstrative mask, where is your demonstrative mask?

Mask good!
Easy, Eager, for the imperious ploy
Mask good! Grrr!

♫  ♫

(To the tune of Simon & Garfunkel’s “April Come She Will”)

♫

April, it came and killed

Livestreams and Skype were swell back then

May, it did stay

Rested in my armchair again

June, we’ll change our tune

In restless walks paroled at night

July, no one will fly

With all the warnings that go with flight

August, stay we must

Until they cure the flu and cold

Remember in November

A thing once novel has now grown old

♫

♫

Play-doh! Play-doh?

Daylight come and me wan’ leave home

Play-, me say Play-, me say Play-, me say Play-, Me play Baio

Daylight come and me wan’ leave home

Work all night on a drink of rum

Daylight come and me wan’ leave home

Wrap bandana when de mornin’ come

Daylight come and me wan’ leave home

.

Look like the Taliban wearing me bandana

Daylight come and me wan’ leave home

Count Chocula at seven, no Captain Crunch

Daylight come and me wan’ leave home.

Be like heaven to be Out to Lunch!

Daylight come and me wan’ leave home.

♫

(To the Tune of the Beach Boys’ “Surfin’ USA”)

♫  ♫

If everybody had an OSHA
To test ’em every day
Then everybody’d be certain
For a moment, anyway . . .

♫ ♫

You’d catch them with their handfuls

Up at the checkout line

At an appropriate distance

And outside there’s a line:

♫

All over Manhattan

It’s done the Democrats’ way:

Everybody needs Certainty:

Certain USA

♫

Yeah, we’re planning out a coup:

We’re gonna make real soon

We’ve battened down our hatches

We can’t wait for June

♫

It should be gone by the summer

Unless it’s here to stay:

Everybody say “It’s Trump’s fault”

It’s certain all they’ll say.

♫

Haggard weekends in PJ’s

Specific rules imposed

Inappropiate funfests

Wide-open beaches closed

Alone, anhedonia

Mortality? No way

Everybody’s uncertain

Uncertain USA

♫ ♫

Everybody’s uncertain

Curtains, USA.

♫  ♫

To the tune of — naturally — The Beach Boys’ “409.”

♫  ♫

Suck it up, suck it up
Country, gonna shut you down.

It happened when they stripped Amendments One through Nine
Took it in the shorts, then they went out of their minds
Yeah, the fools injected politics from 2016
The House of Reps wanted to make Repubs look mean

Suck it up, Suck it up:
Country, gonna shut you down.

Declinin’ numbers at an even rate
Well, the Covid numbers all accelerate
Yeah, the girls in the media are really startin’ to spin
Like the bodies in the graves they’re really diggin’ in

Gotta be cool now – Power – Schiff, here we go.

Lower stocks, Dodge’s really selling low
But the Wuhan-infected strategy’s the way to go
Stop interaction, let’s fight the church
The pressure is buildin’ on illegal search…

♫  ♫

Pelosi’s on the floor, hear the Squad shriek,
Now their solidarity’s beginning to leak;
It’s not what they hoped for, but it’s understood,
They got a fool injection from Hollywood.

Suck it up, suck it up
Country, gonna shut you down.

Suck it up, suck it up
Like Buttigieg, we’ll shut you down!

♫  ♫

To the tune of The Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows”:

♫  ♫

They may not love your choices
But long as there are stars with voices
The media will rave about them
They know you can’t live without them:

Progs always know what is best, without you.

If they could not deceive me
Their show would still go on, believe me
The world gives them nothing to do
So what good were they ever to you?

Progs always know what is best, without you.

Progs always know what is best, without you . . .

[repeat, ad infinitum]

♫  ♫