DesertElephant

Let’s meet another IMAO reader. Today, it’s DesertElephant.

What’s the story behind your name?
Well, I live in Arizona and I’ve always held very Conservative political beliefs. Even since I became aware of politics, I’ve always been an Evil tool of the Reagan/Bush/Cheney/Rove/Halliburton cabal. At least I would be if they ever returned my calls.
Where do you live?
I live in Phoenix, AZ. I’ve been here since I was 5 years old. And, even though I’ve been here a few decades, I still like to whine about the heat. It’s my only muckadoo indulgence.
How old are you?
I am 27 years of age and turn 28 next month.
Tell us briefly about yourself.
I have lived in Arizona most of my life, raised by a hard-working blue-collar hero. My Father. He raised 5 kids for several years on much, much less than I made an hour when I started doing desktop support. And he never thought anyone owed him anything other than what he had earned. He’s the reason I am the hardworking, heartless neocon I am today.
Also, I am IMAO’s (at least one of them) resident Gimp. I was crippled by a motorcycle accident 4 years ago. Strangely, I never blamed Bush for it. And, though I could sit at home fat and lazy on all your taxes, I choose to be useful to the community. I beat hippies with my cane. I also enjoy clubbing baby harp seals.
What liberal do you most want to punch in his dumb monkey face?
Oooo… toughie. I suppose, if I had to choose, it would be George Soros. He is the man and money behind the impotent rage of the libtard horde. But, can I use a baseball bat instead? I really would like to do a number on this “champion of the poor” who grew fat and rich by killing the economy of nations.
What’s your favorite IMAO post?
I have a favorite segment, but not necessarily a favorite post. The Frank Editorials are awesome. And, I’m beginning to really like this segment as well. Also, growing in the polls is IMAO: Condensed. Short, sweet, and sure to send the MFL’s here at work to poo-flinging.
What’s you favorite political issue?
Ugh. This I have no favorite in. Politics is going to drive me to an early grave. In much the same way Heroin does. I hate how politics anger me, but I can’t stay away. If pressed to give up the issue closest to home, it would be a tie between the GWOT and 2A issues. I loved my Country and my guns.
Do you have a website? If so, briefly tell us about it.
Sure. I have a blog at http://absurdspices.blogspot.com. I started it while I still was riled up about current events. I haven’t published anything lately as I’ve grown a bit apathetic and lazy when it comes to blogging. That and I end up nearly having an apoplexy from all the rants I have in my noggin trying to claw their way out at once.
I named the blog absurd spices because I believe Absurdity, and not variety, is the true spice of life. Heck, maybe I’ll write something again. Hard to get motivated when I’m constantly busy. No wonder KOS has so many posts in a day.
If you had a death ray, would you use if for good instead of evil?
I would take out the Moon, since you can’t seem to get it nuked. Then I’d use it to turn the Arabian Peninsula and most of the Middle East into a very quiet place. You can judge if that’s good or evil. I think it’s great. Also, I’d take over the world and declare myself Emperor.
How much are you asking for Said Death Ray anyway? Do you take PayPl?

If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Master Shake

Let’s meet another IMAO reader. Today, it’s Master Shake.

What’s the story behind your name?
I watch too many cartoons for my age. However, I could not imagine a better role model for today’s youth than a giant, vaguely anthropomorphic milkshake. Plus, he’s fairly easy to draw. And I can claim that I have my own action figure.
Where do you live?
Evansville, Indiana
How old are you?
39
Tell us briefly about yourself.
I turned a math/computer science degree into an exciting job (forgive the sarcasm now dripping from your monitor) as a computer programmer/systems analyst. I now wish that I had chosen graphic design, but my time machine is on the fritz again — stupid monkeys! Once I find my own t-shirt girl, I plan to take over the blogododecahedron with my mad technical, drawing, and Photoshopping skills. As you can tell from my blog, Frank has much to fear. BWAH HA HA HA HA! In my spare time, I have been known to impersonate trolls in order to further enrage them and increase their entertainment value.
What’s your least favorite monkey?
Scary Evil Monkey. Unless you want a real monkey, in which case I would say the Mandrill — it sounds more like Aquaman’s favorite monkey, and Aquaman is the enemy of all that is good and pure.
How long have you been reading IMAO?
A little over three years. Someone linked here, and I’ve been addicted ever since.
What’s your favorite IMAO post?
In My World. I read the entire In My World archives the first day I saw them. I miss Rumsfeld and Chomps, though….
What’s your favorite political issue?
National security/terrorism. A related issue would be government waste, such as how these Democrat traitors and terrorist-sympathizers are still walking around free when Bush built all those detention camps!
Do you have a website? If so, tell us briefly about it.
My blog is “Sanity Blender” (http://sanityblender.blogspot.com/), and nothing says “quality” better than two posts in a year.
If you had the power to just point at something and make it magically be painted pink, do you think you could make practical use of that power?
Definitely! That would be extremely useful for marking liberals, a.k.a. “pinkos.” Right now, they are able to walk among us, undetectable and plotting how to destroy America — for all you know, the person next to you right now could be Sarcasm Man!

If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone. Thanks to everyone who has participated so far!

Veeshir

Let’s meet another IMAO reader. Today, it’s Veeshir.

What’s the story behind your name?
My last name is “Fisher”, when I was in grammar school a friend used to call me “Meeester Feeeesher” and he kept lengthening it until it was “Meeeeeeeeeester Veeeeeeshir” (His spelling, I used to spell it “Veesher”). Since both my first and last names are very common while there is only one Veeshir, I went with that so as not to be confused with anyone else.
Where do you live?
Historic Alexandria, Va.
How old are you?
44, I’m all excited. I’m only about 10 years or so from being a dirty, old man. That’s been my goal since I was 16.
Tell us briefly about yourself.
I retired for my 20s and saw the world (through rose-colored eyes). When I was 30, I realized it was time to start pretending to be an adult so I went back to school and got a BS in Mechanical Engineering. Now? I never do engineering work. Funny how that works out. Little known Veeshir Vact, I’m blind in one eye.
Ever spend time wondering what a nuclear blast on the moon would really look like?
Actually no, I have a shirt with a picture and everything. Considering you sold me the shirt, I would think you would know that.
How long have you been reading IMAO?
Nearly 5 years, I’m not sure when I started, it was probably after the first time the Emperor linked to you but before you were first called FrnakJ. The first comment by me I can find is from October, 2002, back when your comment button said, ‘IYAO’. [That would be back when IMAO was on Blogspot. -Ed]
What’s your favorite IMAO post?
I don’t think I have just one. I have favorite lines, with my personal favorite probably being when Kim Jong Il said he needed nukes to be able to reduce the size of his army. Rumsfeld responded with something like, “Tell him I too have a plan for reducing the size of his army that involves nukes.” I do miss your “Links of the Day”, those were usually pretty fun.
What’s your favorite political issue?
Don’t have one anymore, I’m totally sick of politics. That’s why I mostly just attempt humor in my comments. The W2 shirt you sold me does encapsulate the two issues most dear to my heart, “4 more years of low taxes and dead terrorists”.
If you could magically turn any one person into a three-legged goat, who would it be and why?
Hassan Nasrallah, so I could watch his followers turn him into a gyro. That would be funny.

If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone.

PaleoMedic

Let’s meet another IMAO reader. Today, it’s PaleoMedic.

Where do you live?
Fort Collins, Colorado
How old are you?
41. I remember weird things, like Elizabeth Montgomery on my dad’s black and white TV telling me that “Bewitched is next, in color.”
Tell us briefly about yourself.
Born in Butte Montana, raised in Cody Wyoming. Despite decades living in cowboy country I loathe, yes, loathe, country music. Married for nearly twenty years, two sons, 18 and 16. Both plan on enlisting in the military, one Army, one Marine Corps. It’s genetic, I think. Grandpa was a reservist in the Army Air Corps and an engineer for Boeing, building B29s. Dad, Marine; brother, Marine; two brothers, Army.
Ever punch a liberal in his dumb monkey face?
Soon, hopefully. I’m actually fortunate. The people surrounding me are remarkably lucid. Most of the MFL types who irk me are on TV or in a news article, so punching would require a lot of planning and driving. Might be worth the effort though…Boulder is close.
How long have you been reading IMAO?
At least three years, give or take a couple months. IMAO was the first place I ever posted a comment, anywhere. My moment of giddiness was quickly replaced by the realization that I sounded like a total moron…nothing’s changed. I live and die with each comment.
What’s the story behind your name?
I was a combat medic in the Army from 1987-1991. I spent three years in Germany. PaleoMedic is just an overly self-important tag I adopted. I missed the big show in the desert. Can’t tell you how much it sucks to be left behind, especially after training three years for it. It still gnaws at me, haunts my dreams, and I hope to reenlist after the boys graduate (my wife made me promise to wait till then–two years!)
What’s your favorite IMAO post?
Impossible to pick just one, but I’ve always loved In My World. Reading Dubya’s lines and imagining his
weird breathy Texas patois cracks me up. And the stories oddly make more sense than what actually comes out of Washington.
What’s you favorite political issue?
I actually hate politics, but it’s an addiction I can’t seem to quit. It’s therapeutic, however, to be able to laugh at the absurdity of it all, and IMAO is key to that therapy (Butt Smooching Moment, or BSM) I pay a lot of attention to anything involving national defense and the war.
Do you have a website?
Just started a lame-o blog that is still in its larval stage, paleomedic.mee.nu. It’s literally a week old, if that. I aspire to achieve my own Nuke The Moon moment soon (BSM Redux). For now, though, I got nothing.
If you had the choice between a lifetime supply of bacon and the ability to breathe underwater, which would you choose and why?
Gotta go with bacon. It’s tasty, and works like garlic in deterring bad guys with designs to blow me up. The grease also words an adequate pomade for my hair. And being in a landlocked state, underwater breathing would be underutilized.

Only two in, and I’m really liking this segment.
If you commented that you want to be included before, you’re still in the running. You can also comment in this post; just make sure you fill in your e-mail on the comment form (only I can see it so you don’t have to worry about getting spam). Eventually we’ll get to everyone.

Writer

This is the new segment where we get to meet IMAO readers. Today, we’re meeting Writer.

What’s the story behind your name?
I use the name Writer when commenting, because I am one.
Where do you live?
I live in Pearland, Texas, just south of Houston.
How old are you?
I will not discuss my age, but my son retires from the Army this month, I have a granddaughter in college, and two grandsons entering the military.
Tell us briefly about yourself.
I was a Military Brat, growing up all around the Pacific. Originally, I received Bachelor’s degree in Electronic Engineering Technology, later adding one in Geology, and continuing until I eventually received one in Professional Writing. I spent more than ten years in the U.S. Navy. A long-time electronics and computer technician, I eventually entered the field of Technical Writing, where I contract to different area firms, writing their Operation and Maintenance Manuals.
How long have you been reading IMAO?
My favorite web site is IMAO, and I was a regular reader for nearly two years before I ever considered commenting.
What’s your favorite IMAO post?
My favorite IMAO post is about Nuking the Moon, appropriate if we are to rid ourselves of “…damned dirty apes…” , but I truly enjoyed “Superego”.
What’s you favorite political issue?
My favorite Political Issue is the subject of “Earmarks”. Even when they pass legislation requiring the name of the Earmark Sponsor, they either leave a loophole or ignore their own bill. This is the biggest waste in Washington (besides Congress being paid to be assholes).
If you had a choice between a bag full of assorted rocks and ten dollars cash, which would you choose and why?
Given a choice between ten dollars and a bag of rocks, I would choose the rocks. You can learn so much from them, about the past and possible future. They reveal their secrets, of the cyclical nature of Climate change, the plants and animals that preceded us, and trends affecting the area where they were found. One can even see other shapes in rocks-similar to those seen in clouds.

Thanks to Writer for participating. Everyone who said they want to participate in the previous post will still be considered for the future, but you can also comment here for consideration. Make sure to fill out the e-mail portion on the comment form (only I get to see that so don’t worry about spam). Be patient, and eventually everyone will get his or her turn.
Be honorable, ronin.

Who are you freaks?

I really appreciate all my readers and especially those of you who comment, but I realize I don’t show it enough. Also, I don’t know much about you all — you could all be freaks for all I know. Most of you probably are.
So let’s meet you!
I’d to pick one of you at a time to e-mail a couple quick questions — nothing too personal — and then I’ll post your answers in its own post.
Who wants to be the first to try it? If you want to participate, comment on this post and make sure to fill out the e-mail box on the comment form (only I get to see the e-mail address, so you don’t have to worry about spam).
Be honorable, ronin.