This is the part of the blog where I write about my day for those interested.
I decided to broach the subject of how SarahK is suspected of terrorism over lunch. “Thanks for the tuna fish sandwich, sweetie. So why is there surveillance video of you at a nearby nuclear power plant along with terrorists?”
“I was just after that monkey because I knew you’d never get that done. I followed him to the nuclear power plant and then snuck up on him and threw him in the reactor. Then I noticed some Arab-looking people so I shot them to be on the safe side. What do you think happened, you silly billy?”
“What I think is of no concern,” I told her. “What’s important is that the government thinks you were with the terrorists and are going to have trouble believing you just stumbled on a terrorist plot.”
“Don’t get me started on the government!” SarahK shook her fist. “So they’re going to waste time hassling a good American like me while illegal immigrants are coming in over the border? You know, last week I reported to the FBI that suspicious looking Muslims were regularly meeting in a building downtown, and they need nothing about it.”
“They already knew there is a Mosque in Melbourne, Florida.”
“Don’t you patronize me too!” I figured I best watch my words, lest she strike me. “One of these days the Mexicans and the Muslims are going to combine forces,” she continued, “and then everything will be exploding and I’ll be saying, ‘I told you so.’ By the way, I saw your doctor when I was at the power plant, and he says you have an appointment with him soon.”
I furrowed my brow. “What doctor?”
“Um… I think his name was Doom.”
“Doctor Doom!” I shouted. “I keep telling you he’s not my physician; he’s one of my arch-nemesis.”
She rolled her eyes. “You can’t expect me to keep track of all your arch-nemesi. Now you better learn to be nicer or I’m going to be your next arch-nemesis… and my first strike against you will be to stop putting celery in your tuna fish.”
“But a tuna fish sandwich has no character without celery!” This was all very concerning. If the monkey fled to a nuclear power plant where Doctor Doom and terrorists were hiding out, there was more to all this than I ever imagined. It was time to talk to my former college roommate: Iron Man.
Celery adds character? Have you ever met a pickle? Now there’s some character. Plus it comes with pickle juice. Don’t even get me started about pickle juice.
Leave me out of this! Besides, I’m with SarahK. And it’s egg-yolks that give character to a tuna fish sandwich, monkey-boy.
I thought Charlie was what gave tuna fish character.
… or is it that Charlie is a tuna fish character?
I’m confused.
This is my favorite one yet. I think you only wrote this because every time we see the mosque on the way to church, I shake my fist and shout, “Terrorists!”
I can now die a happy man. Michelle Malkin in a cheerleader outfit. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt_YcQlYxyY
Oh, and I hope that monkey didn’t somehow survive and now possesses supersonic poo-flinging powers due to his radioactive dunking by SarahK.
thats nemeses frank. God, cant you get anything right?
Yes, nemeses! If it end in -us, then the plural is -i. If it ends in -is, the plural is -es.
Except octopus. The plural of that is octopodi.
And syllabus. The plural of that is syllabus.
Same with genus.
…GRAMMATICAL ATTACK!
I know “nemesises” is proper, but “nemesi” is funnier… and I’m the expert.
What you need to do is contract Doom’s killing out, as a representative of the local Ninja Union I could offer you a fairly good deal…
You can also locate non-union ninjas hanging out in front of the Home Depot. Just yell out the car window “Hey any of you guys do ninja work?”
“Si, si, ninja, si.”
Monkeys, hard radiation, Dr. Doom.
Sounds like an interesting recipe-if hardly unique.
“But a tuna fish sandwich has no character without celery!”
Looks like FrankJ was channeling Frank Barone. You forgot to add “That’s where it gets it’s crunch!”
And don’t forget to yell “Chips, SarahK!”