Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
…giving you infinite Straight Lines.
to infinity and beyond!!!!
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
Talking dirty to you like no one ever.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
ordering hookers and blow.
…narrating cat videos it can’t actually display
Meow.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
posting comments you made at home randomly on Twitter.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
well I’m not saying it involves Alien Anal Probes butt… it involves Alien Anal Probes.
Alien Anal Probes….Oh my! Although one of the Democrat presidential candidate might like that.
Maybe two. Although I can’t positively rule out Marianne Williamson either.
That’s cold!
Listen, I have my suspicions about Sanders as well.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
self destructing in five seconds. Good luck Jim.
As always, should you or any of your IM Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. (cant believe you left out the most important part)
Too much typing.
Then you would never be accepted at the Condom Recycling Center. Typing all day on a 12hr. shift is a must requirement. Of course, always wear latex gloves or you could be put on probation before your probationary period is even over.
I’m actually applying for the Supply, Distribution and Testing Division job.
Actually it’s the Supply, Testing, and Distribution Dept. Better known as the STD Dept…..no pun intended.
Oh yes it was you cheeky monkey.
Telling everyone you watch porn late at night.
How is this not universally applicable?
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
reading from the newest Frank J Fleming novel Hellbender. Available from the finest booksellers across the nation.
But with a flat, irritating voice, because Frank is connected with that horrible Babylon Bee, and we at Amazon have to suppress any interest in him and his ilk…
He’s got ilk? That’s dangerous.
…building a large wooden badger for you.
mimicking you.
In a mocking kind of way?
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
juggling a chainsaw, a thermonuclear device and a cat.
…chasing you around the house with your Roomba.
… telling long, rambling stories that don’t really go anywhere.[size=15] Like the time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville?[/size] I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I put an onion on my belt, as was the style at the time[size=13]. To take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickles hat pictures of bees on ’em.[/size] “Give me five bees for a quarter!” you’d say.[size=11] Now, where was I?[/size] Oh, yes.[size=9] The important thing is, I had an onion on my belt.[/size] As was the style at the time.[size=7]We didn’t have white onions, because of the war. We only had red onions…[/size]
…or any old Obama speech?
Isn’t that outlawed by the latest Geneva Convention protocols?
Yes, but those only apply to the treatment of Prisoners of War.
But aren’t we just prisoners here of our Alexa device?
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
acting funny. Ha ha funny, not the other kind of funny.
Well all right then.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
playing the entire Weird Al Oeuvre.
BasilBasil would love that.That’s Basil not Basil!
Except for the Michael Jackson parodies, and anything that smacks of fat-shaming, homophobia, bullying, racial denigration, or political incorrect utterances…what’s left? The sound of silence…
Hello Echo my old friend
I’ve come to talk to you again…
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls”
And whispered in the sounds of silence
singing “This Is The Song That Never Ends.”
I thought it was “The song remains the same”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0U2zJOryHKQ
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
inviting Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special Flying Squad into your home.
…playing random samples of how ridiculous you sound performing various activities…
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
live streaming a Tokyo karaoke bar.
ずっと愛してる!
I’m going Bacon on that even if I have no effing clue what it means.
“Bacon” means you enjoy the comment, and want to reward the commentor.
I’m glad I could tell you what it means.
You did? When?
Please guys, you’re bacon my heart.
I couldn’t if I tried.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
sticking pencils up her nose.
{I know she doesn’t have one, humor me a bit here.}
Playing back the recording of the last time you had sex.
What if you haven’t had sex since before the Alexa was invented?
…asking for a friend, of course.
Did they even have recording equipment back then?
I also assume it involved someone besides yourself.
It’s probably chiseled in stone somewhere.
It was Obelsiky
I heard this is how Epstein got busted…just sayin.
Do the Clintons know you know that?
What Clinton’s? I heard they’re going back to his birth name of William Jefferson Blythe III to avoid any illegal sex prosecutions. It’s an old lawyers trick he learned at Oxford.
Still, if you have any dirt on the Clintons {Blythes} you should be placed on suicide watch STAT!
… making Bart Simpson prank calls to neighborhood taverns
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
stalking Betty White.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
posting humorous signs on the Moon.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
secretly replacing your regular coffee with Folger’s Crystals.
and ex-lax.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
breaking out the Parcheesi, oh yeh!
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
locking the pod bay doors.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
Red Flagging you for a SWAT Team visit.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
singing “Inna gadda de vida” as the Swedish Chef.
…telling you Siri jokes.
If you get bored, your Amazon Echo device will entertain you by…
…repeating what you say, but in a voice that sounds as if it is coming from a distance.