I don’t think other nations are fearing us enough. If Barack Obama is elected president, no evil nation is going to worry about us.
So we’re going to have to nuke a city.
Can’t we just nuke the moon?
No. Nuking the moon was meant to be a preventative measure to sissiness. If we have a full onset of sissiness, though, the only way we can get evil foreigners to know we’re serious is to nuke one of their cities.
But won’t that kill lots of people, many of them innocent?
No. See, this is where everyone is stupid except for me. You need to think outside the box with nuclear weapons. What we’re going to do is have a free concert for our enemies like Madonna or something — who knows what murderous terrorists like — and the concert will be a ways out of the city. Everyone will go to is because it’s free and the only other thing they have to entertain themselves with is to throw rocks at each other. So they’ll go and enjoy the concert and when they get back home they’ll find a big smoldering crater where their city used to be with a sign in front of it saying, “Ha! You got nuked! Signed, America.” They’ll shake their fists in the air and shout angrily, “America!” but, in the end, no one gets hurt so it’s all good fun.
But won’t the Democrats be against this?
Of course; that’s why you don’t tell them. If you’re going to nuke a city, the last thing you’d want to do is tell any Democrats because they’ll just whine and bitch and moan about it. That’s where we get the old military saying from: “Democrats are useless and annoying.”
Anyway, better get on this quick. It can be President Bush’s last act as president if Barack Obama is elected.
“Hey, Barry. Here’s the keys to the White House. By the way, I just nuked a city. Have fun.”