Nuke the News: Cain We Take a Chance, Van Who?, and Hunting Yeti

Posted on October 5, 2011 11:00 am

* Christie is not running, [insert fat joke here]. And since Perry has imploded, that means we’re stuck with Romney… unless we want to take a risk on Cain. I want to take a risk on Cain. Polls now have him as a front runner. Plus, it would be pretty hilarious to see liberals furrow their brows in confusion if we nominate someone that will mess up what’s going to be 90% of their playbook for defending Obama: Charging racism. Still, Intrade only has him at about 7% chance right now against Romney who is near 60% since most people don’t think Cain will be able to hold up against him.

I hate Romney. He’s a weasel. His views on Social Security belong more in the Democrat Party, and since entitlements are the biggest part of the budget and what we have to go after to make traction, that means I don’t expect anything particularly useful in the long term from his presidency. Plus he’s a slimy weasel. But if he’s the nominee, I’ll force myself to like him. But I’d rather keep hating him. REALLY?! YOU’RE GOING TO ARGUE THAT SOCIAL SECURITY IS AN AWESOME THING FOR ME, YOU SLIMY WEASEL?!

So let’s gamble on Cain. I’m tired of politicians. I still like pizza.

* Obama is attacking the GOP for blocking a vote on his jobs bill. Since it’s Harry Reid actually blocking it, it’s a valid criticism since the GOP really should have taken him out in 2010.

Of course, since everyone hates Obama and his jobs bill, the GOP are just doing the will of the American people to stop it. Obama should consider doing that sometime.

* Obama is claiming that Reagan would have liked Obama’s Buffet rule — the same Buffet rule that Warren Buffet doesn’t like. You could be dismissive of this statement, but Obama does seem to be the expert on what Reagan’s views are since Obama has been quite consistent at doing the opposite. Of course, if Obama is now going to do what he thinks Reagan would like, maybe he’ll start slapping himself and never stop.

* Apparently Joe Biden has no idea who Van Jones is. Knowing Biden, he probably assumed the black guy at the staff meeting was a waiter. It wasn’t until well after the first one hundred days that Biden finally learned to stop asking Obama to fetch him a drink.

* On Michelle Obama’s trip to Africa, which cost half a million dollars, Obama’s daughters were listed as “senior staff”. So somebody is getting promotions in this economy… though it helps to have connections.

* Back in the days of the Soviet Union, we thought we’d never see something like this: American and Russian scientists teaming up to hunt down a Yeti.

Yeti aren’t peaceful like our local bigfoots; they’re much bigger and much meaner. By my experience, it takes eight shotgun blasts to take one down (or one grenade and two shotgun blasts). And if scientists are able to find one, we should learn lots in the scientific field of big… monkey type things.

If only more scientists focused more on useful things like hunting yeti instead of silly things like global warming.

* Wisdom of the Day: “Tycoon developing spacecraft to travel globe in two hours. Next project: finding a way to get through airport security that fast.” -Fred Thompson

* There’s going to be a Blackwater videogame. I don’t know if there will be a level where you get yelled at by Democrats, but they’re designing it for motion control in the Kinect and taking out the blood and bad language so it will be fun for the whole family. So what age do you start teaching your kids to kill terrorists? I say three… though at that age they’ll call them “twerowists.” Kids are so cute.

* Speaking of cute kids, Buttercup is turning one year old this weekend, and since family is coming in, I’m taking the next two days off. Also, I get Columbus Day off too. So I probably won’t be back to regular blogging until Tuesday, but who knows. Yeah, I never think to plan these things; I’m a free spirit.

Later, ronin.

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44 Responses to “Nuke the News: Cain We Take a Chance, Van Who?, and Hunting Yeti”

  1. DamnCat says:

    98% of scientists who hunt yeti say global warming is real.

    Also…

    98% of scientists who huff paint say global warming is real.

  2. FormerHostage says:

    Reagan’s buffet rule: “Take all you want, but eat all you take.”

    Obama’s buffet rule: “Gimme!”

  3. FormerHostage says:

    @DamnCat: 98% of scientist with a government grant say Global Warming™ is real.

  4. CrustyB says:

    Right now it’s clear that, warts and all, Cain is the best man for the job out of all the declared GOP candidates. Or at least I thought so until Samuel L. Jackson called me a racist.

  5. Conservatarian says:

    New Entitlement Program: Pizza for all. I deserve pizza!

  6. zzyzx says:

    Okay I know who Van Jones is…but who’s this Biden guy?

  7. storm1911 says:

    If Obama did what Reasgan would want to do Obama would have a daily broken nose.

    A yeti hunt…what a waste of money looking in the wrong places and all that. A yeti was just sighted at Target.

    Happy birthday Buttercup !!! But I fear Daddy is on the White House vacation plan.

  8. Burmashave says:

    Wasn’t the Abominable Snow Monster a Yeti? The Abominable Snow Monster seemed friendly to me. After all, he didn’t eat Rudolph. (I would have — venison steaks, num-num). Well, he was nice enough after he got his tooth pulled. Mebbe Yetis just need some dentistry.

    By the bye, “twisted branches” are one of the signs of Yeti activity. Yeti are everywhere.

  9. Burt says:

    Hmmm.. my tax dollars going to hunt Yeti. I find that rather irritating. It is obviously a ‘get out the vote’ expedition. The party that can get the Yeti voting bloc will rule in 2012!

    Happy Birthday Buttercup!

  10. ussjimmycarter says:

    Ok, ok, ok!!! Cain is my guy!!! I’ve been sayin’ all along that Cain is the one guy who you should all be supporting but you have all be like retards or something on the subject. Especially Jimmy who still wants Hillary to run so he can get a cabinet position…ewwwww…pictures in my mind that I don’t need…

    I hate Romney! He is a liberal! He is a weasel! He is a slimy weasel liberal who the GOP/RNC will make sure is their nominee…sigh…

    I heard Cain (MY GUY) this morning on Glenn Beck!!! Cain rocks!!!

  11. Brian The Adequate says:

    Storm1911-

    You clearly need to take some sensitivity training, it was a Wookie that was spotted at Target not a Yeti.

    The Yeti-American community is very sensitive to being mistaken for Wookies as no Yeti has ever been involved with the deliberate destruction of America while at least one wookie has.

  12. hwuu says:

    Lets hope Christie doesn’t implode, that could cause a black hole to form.

  13. hwuu says:

    We are eventually gonna make Michelle pay for all this, Aren’t we? I hope someone is keeping track.

    I picture her being handed an invoice as they leave the White house sorta like a room service charge added on the hotel bill.

  14. hwuu says:

    We are going to have to be careful with any Yeti’s we brink back. If one got loose in the northwest, in a few years we could have the Bigfoot equivalent of killer bees.

  15. Jimmy says:

    Of course I want Hillary to run, ussjimmycarter.

    Into a bus.

    “Christie is not running” – because “it’s not his time.” (Confirming – what? – that it must be Romney’s time? Whose friggin’ time IS IT you ugly bags of mostly RINO crap?)

    We’re out of time.

    Besides, it’s time for lunch.

  16. Crabby Old Bat says:

    Reagan’s buffet rule: “Take all you want, but eat all you take.”

    Obama’s buffet rule: “Throw away the french fries, desserts, salt and tasty foods and replace them with apple slices, carrot sticks and celery. Take 95% of the food off of the rich people’s plates and re-distribute it to minorities, undocumented foreign nationals and union workers. Take all of the food off of the fat kids’ plates, make them do laps around the restaurant, and condemn their parents. Oh, and for Chr#st’s sake let me smoke a cigarette in here, what is this, a damn dictatorship?”

  17. MarkoMancuso says:

    I’ll vote for eggplant before I vote for Romney.

  18. Jimmy says:

    mmmm… eggplant.

  19. DamnCat says:

    Bigfoot: “It’s Yeti season.”
    Yeti: “No, it’s Bigfoot season!”
    Bigfoot: “Yeti.”
    Yeti: “Bigfoot!”

    …somebody had to.

  20. Conservatarian says:

    Someone tried to serve me eggplant pizza a few years ago. Curse them! Thankfully it wasn’t the Godfather.

  21. Dustin says:

    Perry has imploded, largely of his own doing, but he’s not a quitter. He’s going to get back on his feet and push on.

    I like Cain, and I don’t mind if he’s the guy, but don’t count Perry out just yet. What kind of pansy would quit this soon?

  22. Corona says:

    Happy Birthday to Buttercup! :)

  23. Marcus says:

    Maybe I’m missing a joke here… but it’s “Buffett”, not “Buffet”. Warren Buffett. It’s been bugging me for weeks, so I’m finally commenting.

  24. Crabby Old Bat says:

    Perry + Cain = PAIN!! Romney + Cain = RAIN!! It’s just not as catchy.

    CAIN!!

  25. EdthePastor says:

    I think we should offically endorse Herman CAIN. With an offical IMAO endorsement this early who know what could happen. More than likely Herman shows up at Franks place and starts slapping him around. Then the video goes viral, Herman call out Barrack for a street fight for the presidency. Heck maybe along the way he’ll get to beat up Romney. and as the final warmup for the main event he could smack down Perry for his poor choice of camp names “N*****head my butt”

    Happy Birthday Buttercup a large Afro-American man is gonna come kick daddy’s butt. Do cry it’s for the good of the country.

    no this isn’t EdthePastor someone hacked my account

  26. Son of Bob says:

    “If only more scientists focused more on useful things like hunting yeti instead of silly things like global warming.”

    I understand that Michelle Obama wants people to focus more on global warming than hunting yeti…I’m not sure why.

  27. CTCompromise says:

    * Apparently Joe Biden has no idea who Van Jones is. Knowing Biden, he probably assumed the black guy at the staff meeting was a waiter.

    -If I was Biden, I would rather act like I didn’t know who Van Jones was than admit that I knew we had hired this piece of crap…

    * On Michelle Obama’s trip to Africa, which cost half a million, Obama’s daughters were listed as “senior staff”. So somebody is getting promotions in this economy… though it helps to have connections.

    Lay off the girls..they are the BEST advisors I’ve seen in the Obama admnistration…they certainly deserved a trip to see where all this elephant dung came from !

    Last But Not Least:

    American and Russian scientist teaming up to hunt down a Yeti.

    HAVE THEY CHECKED THE OCCUPY WALL ST CROWD !!????

  28. Jimmy says:

    So.

    Christie’s out.

    Palin’s out.

    Romney’s a RINO; Perry’s a Democrat; Ron Paul is crazy; Huntzman’s a plant, Gingrich is a pontificator; Santorum (who is he?)…

    Who does that leave?

    CAIN!

    “All aboard!” (*train whistle*)

  29. MarkoMancuso says:

    Eggplant? Mmm? These two phrases go together like Obama and James Madison.

  30. Jimmy says:

    Sliced thin and fried in butter with a sweet egg batter, Marko. Delish!

    But if you cook it any other way, it’ll make you puke. In that sense, yes, like Obama and James Madison.

    (I was worried that someone would call me out on forgetting about Bachmann. I predict she withdraws soon.)

  31. Fly says:

    Skin, cube, salt and sautee briefly in olive oil before it gets mushy is also very good. Batters tend to steam it to mushy and fall off, no? Did I just walk into a racist discussion or are we actually discussing eggplant?

    Hopi Boofday, Buttewkup!

  32. Jimmy says:

    Excellent suggestion, Fly. Add some dried Oregano, garlic, salt and pepper. This works well with summer squash, too (“yellow crookneck” – a handy Obama reference, btw). I find that butter, olive oil and peanut oil all have fine uses for frying vegetables.

    Marko will be over soon to try it. I’m sure we have him convinced… No? Shoot.

  33. 4of7 says:

    Christie is out, Palin is out, Bill Jobs is dead and Harold Camping is predicting the end of the world again!
    Happy Birthday Buttercup!
    I’m making pumpkin beer tonight, pumpkin bread tomorrow, pumpkin pie next week. (all from the same pumpkin.)

    How does eggplant taste deep fried?

  34. ussjimmycarter says:

    You need to slice your Eggplant, salt and then let sit for a time to draw out the nasty taste. Then fry it up…yummy!

  35. Questionman says:

    Republican politicians work for big corporations and people like Koch brothers, the millionaires and billionaires, and live off their handouts. How can anyone believe that they represent the middle-class or poor people in this country. Republican voters have lost their jobs, will lose their medicaid, social security, and health insurance unless we have politicians that represent the middle and poor class citizens and not the millionaires and billionaires. They should all be fired. So that they can make more money working as lobbyist for big corporation and people like Koch brothers. Read the following how these people are bankrupting this country.

    Koch Brothers Flout Law Getting Richer With Secret Iran Sales

    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-10-02/koch-brothers-flout-law-getting-richer-with-secret-iran-sales.html

    everyones disrespecting president Obama and not giving him no credit for the things he was able to help our country with. Bush destroyed our country the first 2 minutes in office, but people still gave him an extra 4 years in office. Bush moved majority of our jobs over sea to help fund his personal war no talk bout that!

  36. Penultimatum says:

    I’m tired of politicians. I still like pizza.

    That’s some pretty astute political analysis, right there. Cain 2012 – Twice the Black, Twice the Sack!

    So. Christie’s out. Palin’s out. Romney’s a RINO; Perry’s a Democrat; Ron Paul is crazy; Huntzman’s a plant, Gingrich is a pontificator; Santorum (who is he?)… Who does that leave? CAIN! “All aboard!” (*train whistle*)

    You forgot FrankJ. FrankJ. for Preznit!! New slogan “And you thought Ron Paul was nuts!”

    Happy Birthday Buttercup!

  37. ussjimmycarter says:

    Questionman=tard!

    So my girl, Palin ain’t runnin’! Wipes tear from eye… CAIN is my guy!!!

  38. storm1911 says:

    Questionman popped up, or should I say trolledup, in the middle of the night. When living in mom’s basement and living off of cheesy poofs I guess he has nothing else to do .It surely is not to wake up and go to work at a job.

  39. Basil says:

    He’s not going to school, either, based on his grammar and spelling. Maybe he’s camping out on Wall Street.

  40. FormerHostage says:

    Questionman? That’s his tag? Sounds too much like question my manhood……hmmm….nevermind.

    Questionman, what you’ve just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  41. zzyzx says:

    Personally, I find it difficult to not give no credit when not giving no credit is not due.

  42. Daniel says:

    I want to become and American so I can vote for Herman Cain.

  43. Fly says:

    “Personally, I find it easy to withhold credit when giving credit is not due.” Holy schmidt, zzyzx, that actually makes sense.

    One thing I did learn from Questionman’s link is that some people think that “The Tea Party [is] a popular movement whose name stands for Taxed Enough Already”.

  44. Charon says:

    Have to admit, I missed the ronin label around here lately. Very suitable to American patriots.

    Frank is right about Cain, he’s not a politician, he’s like a piece of iron… wait, rather, he’s a real-worlder. Although not completely sane because he’s running for office, he’s less wacknuts than the other wacknuts. I couldn’t care less that his foreign policy experience is a bit ragged, he knows he doesn’t know everything. Every time he appears it’s obvious he’s been studying the subjects where he’d been shown to lack.

    Palin let her opportunity go, and that’s fine. I’d have liked to see her in office, but it’s her decision. Her supporters will rally behind a good candidate rather than sitting home and lamenting what could have been, we know what’s at stake here.

    RON PAUL!!1ELEVEN!1 Once in a while, he crosses the threshold into sanity, but it’s obvious he’s not comfortable there. Like sanity is his unfamiliar uncle’s house with the jackalope over the fireplace.

    No really, who’s Huntsman? I keep hearing this name.

    Rick Perry, campaign like flash paper. Now that the fire’s out, it’s all gone and makes me wonder what we weren’t supposed to be looking at during the flare.

    I remember reading somewhere that Romney admitted Mass-Care was a mistake. Some people make mistakes, learn from them, and can be forgiven because it seems they’ll do better in the future. Then there’s Mittens. That’s a huge, huge double-whopper combo meal of a mistake, and that’s just too much salt for fat kids or something… I’m just really not sure he understands the term “Constitutional Conservative” Yeah, given the choice between him and the guy currently making scathing mistakes in the White House, I’ll choose the guy who’s screwed up less, but he doesn’t get a pass.

    Bachmann really was the kind of dumb and nutty they wanted Palin to be. If you’re going to play attack politics, the primary isn’t the right arena. Speak on your policies, explain yourself, and let the people decide which they want working for us. You look petty, vindictive, and uncoordinated swinging at your own, worse when you triple-down on a dumb and nutty attack. Save the mud for the general, we want the Dems and their ideas to look bad, not just one Republican to look less bad than the other options.

    I knew Christie wouldn’t run, he hasn’t run since 5th grade Gym. And that was only because a cupcake was rolling across the floor. (No really, I got nothing on this guy aside from fat jokes, either.)

    Then there’s Newt. Drop him in a cabinet position somewhere. He really is still the idea man, but just not a personality that I can see winning the General. We all know we on the same team don’t trust him not stab someone in the back given the first chance, independents and swing voters probably envision him as Ezio Auditore.

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