Nuke the News: Well, We Knew He Was Il…

Posted on December 19, 2011 11:00 am

* Kim Jong Il is dead… or so reports the North Korean media in the one time we’re inclined to believe them.

The atrocities committed in North Korea on daily basis are a little too much for a humor blog to mention, and as Jonah Goldberg pointed out, I wonder what history will think of us for just standing around and letting it happen. All us non-barbaric people of the world could get together and do something… but it would be hard and people would die and there would be protests. You have two things you can focus on in life: To try and do good or to try and avoid evil. Right now, we’re kinda set in the latter. Trying to do good just causes problems, so better not try at all.

So some other insane sociopath is likely to take over North Korea, but these cults of personality always fade with each generation so who knows if he’ll keep it. And a military conflict is always a nice distraction for someone trying to hold power, so we have to watch for that.

Still, I’d like to think an evil dictator dying is a good thing. You can use all sorts of atrocities to bitterly cling to power for your short, measly life, but it all ends one day and it ends forever.

* Ron Paul is ahead in Iowa. The advantage of him winning that state is it would be as clear a statement as any of how irrelevant Iowa is and that we need to stop paying the Iowa caucus so much attention. Where do we even get these early primary states?

So, if it were between Obama and Ron Paul, who would you vote for? I’m leaning Obama there; he’s a known entity and can at least be bullied into doing what’s right. Ron Paul would just stand back while nukes are launched at us and say, “We had this coming for abandoning the gold standard!”

Anyway, expect the gloves to come off if Ron Paul wins Iowa. I don’t know what they’ll dredge up, though; other than the anti-Semitism, racist newsletters published under his name, trutherism, and “blame America first” foreign policy, the guy is pretty clean. Plus, he has some good ideas on the Fed.

* The House GOP aren’t cottoning to the payroll tax cut extension the Senate approved. The GOP won’t be satisfied until they get all their demands… plus more demands they haven’t even thought of yet. Expect Obama to look all resolute and then capitulate. The thing to remember about Obama is that he’s much more scared of you than you are of him. Much much more scared.

* There’s apparently a movement to ban exotic animals from circuses. So what would that leave? Acts with cats and squirrels? Or just nothing but clowns? ::shudder::

Of course, I haven’t been to a circus since I was five or even thought of going to one since then. They seem more of something one would go to for entertainment in the 1920s. Kids these days have things like Call of Duty video games to entertain them. If there are any exotic animals, they’ll be emptying an M-16 mag into it.

* “Osama Bin Laden, Moammar Qaddaffi, Kim Jong Il… 2012 is looking like a major rebuilding year for evil.” –Jim Geraghty

* BTW, if you’re looking for more Christmas gifts, you can send a gift Kindle book to people. It’s sent to their email, and then they can put it under any Kindle account they want (or just read it in the cloud reader if they don’t have a Kindle or a smart phone or an iPad or one of the many other things you can read Kindle books on). And I know a great book to gift…

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

48 Responses to “Nuke the News: Well, We Knew He Was Il…”

  1. jw says:

    within 72 hours, obama will claim that HE killed kim jong il.

    probably with his bare hands

  2. DamnCat says:

    “All us non-barbaric people of the world could get together and do something.”

    If we could count China and Russia among the non-barbaric nations we could. As long as the Norks have those two as sponsors they’ll keep on as they have.

  3. Mxymaster says:

    I’d go to the squirrel circus. What kind of firearms would they be lending spectators?

  4. Jimmy says:

    Maybe the next guy will be tall enough to reach the buttons.

    Nah, he’s only 5’6″.

  5. James says:

    When you say, “And a military conflict is always a nice distraction for someone trying to hold power, so we have to watch for that”, are you referring to Kim Jong Il’s successor or to Obama? A little dust-up in October might serve both of their agendas.

  6. the boss says:

    Ron Paul would kick Obamas ass.. and Ron is right if you pick on someone for a long time they will bite back hence’s something called it :)

    Idiots lol

    [I can’t believe on my guide to not sounding crazy on the internet I completely forgot about writing “lol” to your own comment. -Ed.]

  7. Son of Bob says:

    “The advantage of him winning that state is it would be as clear a statement as any of how irrelevant Iowa is and that we need to stop paying the Iowa caucus so much attention.”

    Personally, I think when there’s an important decision to be made that affects the future of the Republican party, the logical move is to have it decided by a corn farmer from a state that voted for Obama, who makes his living from Methanol subsidies. Well played GOP!

  8. Burmashave says:

    Squirrel circus! Would they train them with little tiny squirrel whips?

    I recently discovered (while doing non-IMAO research) that there are actually more tigers in backyard cages in the US than there are in the rest of the world. Many/most of them live in cages smaller than I’d use for a dog. Circus animals spend the vast majority of their lives in similarly sized cages because they’re always on the move.

    If you’re interested, you can get a lion cub for about $500, an exotic animal license for about $200, another $400 for cage materials and you’re good to go. Most states have no regs on minimum size for the cage. Those that do require cages not much larger than a parking space.

    Circuses did fine after the freak shows were eliminated; they’ll do fine without animals. Or they’ll fold, and we won’t notice.

  9. Genghis Khen says:

    As a corn farmer from Iowa, I would actually prefer we lose our first state status. The constant political ads on tv and radio, as well as incessant phone calls and mailings is distracting me from counting my ethanol subsidies. Now where was I? Oh yeah, $401,304, 401,305, …

  10. TheRoyalFamily says:

    Don’t forget that Ron Paul is one of the porkiest R’s out there anymore. He just votes against the pork-laden bills, knowing that they will pass regardless. This way he gets to keep his Libertarian cred with the ronulans, while bringing home the bacon and getting reelection from the people actually in his district.

    He’s been in Washington a long time. He knows how to play the game.

  11. FormerHostage says:

    The thing to remember about Obama is that he’s much more scared of you than you are of him.

    That explains why he always barks at the door and then pees on the rug when the UPS guy shows up.

  12. CrustyB says:

    Ron Paul: The poor man’s Lyndon LaRouche.

  13. MarkoMancuso says:

    Ugh, I hate having to write this, but I feel I must.

    Ron Paul would do about 65% or so of what is required to protect the Constitution from “all enemies, foreign and domestic” by a President in the modern age. Ron Paul seems to have the proper respect and admiration all Americans should have for that sustaining and enriching document which has contributed so much for human society. He would protect the Constitution – and, thus, our inalienable rights as citizens – from the vast majority of domestic threats and from some foreign threats. But he probably wouldn’t do enough to stop those foreign threats to justify my voting for him in normal circumstances (i.e. a primary). And, yes, he talks like a crazy person when he talks foreign policy and, no, Ron, I don’t feel like America is trying to keep me from moving to Mexico. He makes Herman Cain sound like …. someone who’s smart about foreign policy.

    Barack Obama does whatever he does to protect the Constitution almost always out of sheer accident. He believes – he has publicly stated (in 1999 or so) – that the Constitution is designed to limit government powers. This is true. He believes – he has publicly stated – that this is a bad thing. This is not true. In fact, it is really, really, really not true. Obama has broken his oath countless times, in egregious ways like the individual mandate and in small ways we may never hear about.

    I always vote for the person who would do more to uphold the Constitution. All Americans should vote in such a way. And, even if he is a completely crazy lunatic, Ron Paul would do his best to uphold the Constitution. The same cannot be said for Barack Obama, who is a perfectly smart and intellectual cunning politician, who doesn’t care about much anything except the collection of political power, the people be damned.

  14. DontPlayRockyTop says:

    No, I’m pretty sure Ron Paul actually IS Lyndon LaRouche. All throughout my adult life (and yes, I voted for Richard Nixon) there has been a Lyndon LaRouche running for president. Then one day suddenly there was no Lyndon LaRouche – and instead there was a Ron Paul! I almost didn’t notice because the same crazy cousins and co-workers who always had the LaRouche bumper stickers and posters in their office now had Ron Paul stuff. But they were still talking the same crazy. So no, I’m not buying it. Lyndon just changed his name. LAROUCHE!!!1!111!!!!!!!!

  15. MarkoMancuso says:

    Please moderate the comment of my tortured soul.

  16. zzyzx says:

    Today all of North Dirkastan is in morning. Kim Jong-il is dead and gone to that great commune in the sky. I’m sure gonna miss going to the ‘Kim Looking At Things Site’ to see what new and interesting things Kim is, eh…looking at. Perhaps his son and successor Kim Jong-un will carry on the tradition…one can only hope so. At any rate who can forget what a great entertainer he was….

  17. zzyzx says:

    Watching Ron Paul in the debates I have come to the conclusion that it’s a good thing he wasn’t in charge when Pearl Harbor was attacked or we’d all be posting thusly……………驚いた彼は道を走っていった。

  18. MarkoMancuso says:

    Also, the math in my comment is fuzzy; I was giving Paul the benefit of the doubt to some extent. I don’t necessarily trust him to stop all domestic threats to the law because he is crazy and stopping domestic threats may prevent him from stripping down the government to the size of a kiosk at the mall.

  19. MarkoMancuso says:

    It’s true, zzyzx, the thought of a wartime President Paul is no better than the thought of a wartime President Obama. I shudder to think off all the different ways our Pacific war strategy could have been screwed by either of those two.

  20. Jimmy says:


    Which decryption algorithm do I use for that, zzyzx?

  21. Burmashave says:

    @Marko: it boils down to anyone but Romney except Obama.

  22. hwuu says:

    1.) He is now referred to as Kim Jong-Dead.

    2.) The crazy on Ron Paul has been putting me off, but I did some research and it turns out he is crazy in basically the same ways as me. He has moved up to my number 2 choice after Rick Perry. Not that I get a choice in the matter.

    The thing with Ron Paul is he isn’t going to get to implement any of the crazy and he is pointed in the right direction for the rest.

    Also I feel compelled to say:

    RonPaul!!!11!!! Ron PAul11!!!

  23. Ernie Loco says:

    The biggest problem with Ron Paul (other than the fact that’s he’s completely nuts) is that he’s nuts in the wrong areas. As president, Ron Paul would not be able to implement any of his domestic policy because it would require the approval of congress, and most of them don’t want to scale back the government like Ron Paul would. However, as commander in chief, Ron Paul would be able to implement a lot of his foreign/military policy, which is where his ideas are completely non-sensical.

  24. MarkoMancuso says:

    Pretty much, Burma.

  25. Jimmy says:

    Obama to Paul.

    Is that like “soup to nuts?”

    Maybe we deserve it.

    (The Constitution is dead, Marko.)

  26. Basil says:

    You’re on to something. That’s why if it comes down to Ron Paul and Mitt Romney, I gotta go with Romney. Mitt is wrong on so many things, but when you add up all he’s wrong on, throw in a more conservative House and/or Senate, it offsets.

    Ron Paul is right on more things than Mitt, but when you factor in what he’s wrong on, and how wrong, it still doesn’t balance.

    Conservatives could do a better job of keeping Romney in line than they could Ron Paul.

    Having said that, I hope we don’t get down to those two.

  27. zzyzx says:

    Jimmy, 驚いた彼は道を走っていった is Japanese. Fortunately Ron Paul was NOT in charge during the attack on Pearl Harbor so I (like you) haven’t got a clue as to what it translates to.

  28. DamnCat says:

    Speaking dead of the Il…

    “Kim Jong Il is dead” is probably the nicest thing anyone ever said about him.

  29. DontPlayRockyTop says:

    Huh? Dropping that character fragment into Google Translate coughs up “Surprised he went and on the road”. Is that the secret code for “launch the nukes”? Or the punch line from a bad haiku?

  30. Carolynp says:

    The fact that I would vote for Ron Paul if he won the nomination says alot more about how much I hate Obama than it does about my being a Libertarian. The guy’s a kook.

  31. Ben Chase says:

    America is becoming more like Nazi Germany as the years go by. Instead of Jews it’s Muslims. Hitler sabotagued neighboring countries and took them over in “Self-Defense” just like we prop up Dictators and knock them down as National Security. We justify it, as Hitler did, by saying we have superior morals and are a better people. Michelle Bachmann, for example, said that “not all cultures are created equal.”

    Just putting things in perspective for you all, so you’re not surprised when we’re the enemy in WW3.

    [No who reminds me the most of Nazi Germany? Ron Paul. -Ed.]

  32. DamnCat says:

    @Ben Chase – So you think all cultures are like Nazi Germany? Or do you agree with Bachmann?

  33. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Michelle Bachmann, for example, said that “not all cultures are created equal.”

    Yeah…and? She’s an idiot but she gets some things right. Or are you actually saying that the “culture” in >insert 3rd world hell hole< is equivalent
    to ours…or Europe's or even Canada's? Wow, but since we're all so equal, feel free to move, wtf is the difference, right?

    News flash, Obama is the greatest president since….LBJ! And here we were thinking the only thing worse than Obama and Carter was LBJ, little did we know, he was better than all of them. wow…just wow.

  34. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    PS Ben, were were “the enemy” to millions of people in WWI & II and are “the enemy” to BILLIONS of people now. You know, all those fine people
    in those equivalent “cultures” were women can’t drive and gays are stoned to death. Sounds pretty equal, women here can’t drive either but we still let them and the gays get stoned but so does everyone else, remember, some “cultures” are more equal than others.

  35. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    we were*

  36. Jimmy says:

    Yeah, Ben, just like the Jews in Hitler’s Germany, Muslims are flocking here in droves just itching to get baked in our ovens of democracy or gassed in our chambers or jurisprudence. We’re a genuine Betty Crocker of Muslim extermination, we are. By the millions, no less. Hell, we’ve even got Islamo “shake ‘n bake” and Jihadi take-out. We eat ’em for lunch, we do. Get with the program

  37. ussjimmycarter says:

    My ADD kicked in early in my reading… So Ron Paul is dead? What happened? So we are going to nominate Kim Jong Ill for the GOP POTUS? COOL! He would like totally take over and fix the country! What happened to Gingrich and Romney? Were they like caught in a bathroom stall playing touch with their feet or something?

    The Minnesota Vikings suck so bad that…well…they suck! They suck like…there is no “like”… They redefine the word Suck! Their Suckitude is at a new level that is so awesome that it is totally suckspacular!!!!

  38. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    The Boston Globe actually said this morning: Kim Jong Il is dead…blah blah blah…he had been ill for some time. I knew i should have
    saved it, it’s gone now. I wonder if Obama is going to the funeral?

  39. Les says:

    So, any thoughts on the 2012 crazy dictator replacement draft picks?

  40. MarkoMancuso says:


    You’re right about the Constitution , just not in the way you may have intended.

    Suffice it to say that the Constitution is a “dead” document which lives on forever. They can oppress us and they can make unconstitutional laws and they can kill American society, but they can never truly kill the ideals this nation was founded upon. They can only truly kill the Constitution through directly changing its text as to make it unable to protect our rights. They haven’t yet done that, they have only worked around the law.

    I wrote “they” a lot, didn’t I? Perhaps I should write “monkeys” instead.

  41. MarkoMancuso says:

    This may not be necessary as moderation seems to be much faster now, but I suppose I might as well say please moderate my comment anyway.

  42. Jimmy says:

    Indeed, Marko, ideas do live on forever as long as there are intelligent minds who care to hold them.

  43. Corona says:

    “Osama Bin Laden, Moammar Qaddaffi, Kim Jong Il… 2012 is looking like a major rebuilding year for evil.”

    Can we add Fidel and Chavez and Dinnerjacket to that list?

  44. 5of7 says:

    #43 – Corona,
    The year ain’t over yet!

  45. oddrobb says:

    This seems like a good opportunity to nuke the moon and get away with it.

  46. CTD says:

    It must be said in Paul’s defense that he did vote to invade Afghanistan, and also introduced a bill to kill bin Laden specifically. Obama was at the time focused on voting “present”.

  47. Eric Praline says:

    Remember the Ronulan creed: First they laugh at you, then they laugh at you some more, then you run back to your Mom’s basement crying and troll youtube to leave “RON PAUL 2012!!1!!1″ comments on random videos.”

  48. IMAO » Blog Archive » Better than Obama links:

    […] and Frank J. sound more and more alike: So, if it were between Obama and Ron Paul, who would you vote for? I’m leaning Obama there; […]

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