10 Things Nancy Pelosi Knows Better Than You

Posted on May 31, 2012 3:51 pm

The West Coast Botoxian is at it again, bragging about how much smarter she is than the numerous federal judges and countless legal scholars who disagree with her:

When asked why she is so confident the Supreme Court will uphold the health care law, Pelosi says, “Because I know the Constitution.”

Were I a Twitterite, I’d suggest the hashtag #NancyKnows and encourage people to pile on.

Not being such, I’ll just speculate thusly regarding the superior contents of her surgically-taut-skinned noggin:
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Nancy knows how to do a killer Dr. Evil impression.

1) Surprisingly, Nancy knows how to find out what’s in the Constitution, even though she didn’t personally pass it first.

2) Nancy knows why the rent is too damn high.

3) Nancy knows if the cat in the box is alive or dead. Suck it, Schrödinger!

4) Nancy knows what’s in the “Pulp Fiction” briefcase. Not quite sure how to get a special tax on it past those obstructionist Republicans, though.

5) Nancy knows why the caged bird sings. Also suspects the song it’s singing is racist, since it sounds suspiciously like “When You’re Holding a Hammer“.

6) Nancy knows that paying people to work creates fewer jobs than paying them to NOT work. May be somewhat unclear on what a “job” is, however.

7) Nancy knows how to turn lead into gold. Step 1: find someone with gold. Step 2: hit them with a lead pipe and steal it.

8) Nancy knows which way you swing – no asking or telling required.

9) Nancy knows how to defy the law of gravity, but, as usual, only government officials are allowed to get away with it.

10) Nancy knows what the Matrix is, although she lacks the ultra-cool sunglasses to prove it.
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Apparently there’s only one thing Nancy doesn’t know.

Her limitations:


[YouTube direct link]

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22 Responses to “10 Things Nancy Pelosi Knows Better Than You”

  1. DamnCat says:

    Nancy know what you did last summer.

  2. DamnCat says:

    Nancy knows how to Dougie.

  3. Zaklog the Great says:

    Who knows what evil lies in the hearts of rich white men? Pelosi knows!

  4. John says:

    Nancy knows who let the dogs out.

  5. Son of Bob says:

    Nancy knows what it’s like to be the bad man, to be the sad man behind blue eyes.

    … but, of course, she’s much more well known for knowing what it’s like to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies.

  6. DamnCat says:

    @Son of Bob – are her dreams as empty as her conscience seems to be?

  7. Son of Bob says:

    DamnCat, You know they are.

  8. Jimmy says:

    Nancy knows…

  9. Critter says:

    Nancy knows it’s not easy being green.

  10. BillyRayBob says:

    Nancy knows what the frequency is, Kenneth.

    Obscure Reference Link

  11. BillyRayBob says:

    Nancy knows who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong

  12. PatriotMomofTwo says:

    Somebody’s gonna hurt someone, before the night is through…there’s gonna be a heartache tonight, a heartache tonight, Nancy knows. Lord, she knows.

  13. PatriotMomofTwo says:

    Nancy knows how to get those stupid childproof caps off of the medicine bottles.

  14. Jimmy says:

    …Jack Squat!

  15. Bob in Feenicks says:

    Nancy knows who’s on first, what’s on second, and has her suspicions about third.

  16. Jimmy says:

    Nancy, I served with Jack Squat, I knew Jack Squat, Jack Squat was a friend of mine. Nancy, you don’t know Jack Squat.

    (I only knew Jack Squat in my younger days. But I guess that’s enough of that!)

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  18. Iowa Jim says:

    Nancy knows what goes on behind closed doors. Since most of you aren’t old enough to remember, here’s a link:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOQI2-4vkCQ

    Probably recorded about the time of Nancy’s second facelift.

  19. Dohtimes says:

    Nancy knows how to Twist. It goes like this. It goes like this. Ahhhhh now my knickers feel just right. Hey Barney, do you know how to Pony? Like bony Maronie? Oh. My. God!!!!!!!!

  20. HokieGomer says:

    Nancy knows Diddley

  21. HokieGomer says:

    Nancy knows who shot JR!

  22. arik says:

    Nancy knows how many roads a man must walk down. (42)

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