Straight Line of the Day: The Guardian Says It’s Only Published 1% of Snowden’s Secret Files. The Other 99% Reveal…

Posted on December 5, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

42 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Guardian Says It’s Only Published 1% of Snowden’s Secret Files. The Other 99% Reveal…”

  1. rodney dill says:

    …all of Obama’s golf plans and Michelle’s vacation plans through the end of his term.

  2. rodney dill says:

    Anonymiss’s cookie recipes

  3. rodney dill says:

    The plans for a fully functional Deathstar.

  4. rodney dill says:

    …the rules for Fight Club

  5. Bob B says:

    …fear, surprise, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…

    …the government REALLY doesn’t know what it’s doing.

    …the secret recipes for KFC and Coke.

    …a little something called “The Anonymiss Files”.

  6. Bob B says:

    …a secret plan to nuke the moon was shut down because “some right-winger thought of it first”.

  7. Steve H says:

    The Other 99% Reveal…

    … the plans for a government-designed unicorn (a.k.a. a hippo).
    … commercials for oxiclean, snuggies, chia pets, and those goofy stretchie animal exercise thingies my five-year-old won’t shut-up about.
    … end-of-file markers, used as filler.
    … a functional version of Obamacare website code.

  8. Steve H says:

    The Other 99% Reveal…

    … archive copies of the Jerusalem Post, in Hebrew. (So Allah has something to read whilst on the Potty)

  9. FormerHostage says:

    …his pron habits.

  10. FormerHostage says:

    …the source code for the Healthcare Website.

  11. rodney dill says:

    …the missing punchline results from Anonymiss’s time off.

  12. rodney dill says:

    @8 – Metsuyan!

  13. FormerHostage says:

    …that he was REALLLLLLLLLY into kitten pictures.

  14. walruskkkch says:

    The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…

    All the failed attempts to duplicate Anonymiss cookies.

  15. Oppo says:

    … The Other 99% Reveal apparently Occupy Firewall Street.

  16. walruskkkch says:

    The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…

    the truth behind Chris Matthews leg tingles.

    the deep programmed instructions in Obama’s brain from his handlers in North Korea.

    the plans to have the letter “M” stricken from the English Language.

    Hillary Clinton’s true gender.

    that besides dog, Obama also likes…Humans.

  17. c64wood says:

    The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…

    …the Darth Vadar / Luke Skywalker paternity test

    …it really IS Bush’s fault

  18. walruskkkch says:

    The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…

    Obama really is a sub-moronic incompetent.

  19. walruskkkch says:

    The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…

    Obama’s plan to not uphold election laws in 2014 and 2016.

  20. c64wood says:

    …that Bert and Ernie are gay

    …the 2000 presidential election results

    …that you really can have your cake and eat it too

  21. walruskkkch says:

    The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…

    only 3 out 5 dentist prefer Crest.

  22. FormerHostage says:

    …his Victoria’s Secret files.

  23. rodney dill says:

    …all of Mitt’s women in binders.

  24. FormerHostage says:

    …that only !% of the files were very interesting.

  25. rodney dill says:

    …all of Obama’s GOP drone targets.

  26. FormerHostage says:

    …have all the personal information of people that signed up on the ObamaCare site.

  27. FormerHostage says:

    …are Rodney’s vacation pictures from Black’s Beach.

  28. Oppo says:

    . . . the strange, damnable, almost diabolic threads of this extraordinary tangled web of intrigue [which will shortly reveal a plot so fiendish, so infernal, so heinous ... ]

    Judge: Mr Bartlett, your client has already pleaded guilty to the parking offence.

    Counsel: Parking offence, schmarking offence, m’lud. We must leave no stone unturned. Call Cardinal Richelieu.

  29. rodney dill says:

    @27 – In Snowden’s dreams….

  30. Burt says:

    The Guardian says it’s only published 1% of Snowden’s secret files. The other 99% reveal…
    FrankJ’s Netflix profile reveals a penchant for Christmas romance movies.

  31. Steve H says:

    … failed attempts of the CIA (Culinary Institute of America, not that CIA) to replicate Anonymiss’ cookies.

  32. Jimmy says:

    It’s actually 99 and 44/100′s percent pure.

  33. rodney dill says:

    Democracy, whiskey, sexy.

  34. DamnCat says:

    …just how boring government paper work is.

  35. James says:

    How much Obamacare is really going to cost (The Guardian said it couldn’t afford enough ink to print a number that large).

  36. Gumbeaux says:

    Michelle Obama gets a royalty every time a Messin With Sasquatch commercial plays.

  37. Dohtimes says:

    …a partial list of the US government’s secret file security weaknesses.

    …that using half of the NSA’s budget to monitor Sandy Berger’s pants actually is a good expenditure of resources.

    …Joe Biden’s dietary fiber diary is very detailed.

  38. frogmouth says:

    The recipe for the world’s greatest egg salad.

    Austin Powers’ Moe-Joe. Yeah, baby!

    The name of James Bond’s tailor.

  39. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …that once again, the 1% is oppressing the 99%. Time to Occupy Snowden’s Files! -Can I get an Up Twinkles?

  40. Writer says:

    …the remaining IMAO contests that were never rated.

  41. Oppo says:

    … exactly how effectively the press is doing its supposed job.

    [boldface mine]

    Caught in Yet Another Lie, Obama Forced to Admit He Lived With His Illegal Alien Uncle
    Top Right News | 12-05-2013 | John Urban

    Yesterday, we reported on how Barack Obama’s drunken illegal alien Uncle Omar was handed amnesty by a corrupt immigration judge working for Eric Holder. Obama promised his uncle would get not special treatment.

    If you believe that, you might have believed what Obama claimed in 2011 — that he never even met his uncle!

    That’s right — two years ago, right after Uncle Omar, a 21-year fugitive from a Federal deportation order, was arrested for DUI in Boston — the White House claimed Obama had never met Uncle Omar, nor knew he was an illegal alien.

    The problem? Uncle Omar himself testified under oath before the judge that not only had he indeed met his nephew, but that Barack stayed with Omar for nearly a month in the late 1980s while a student at Harvard, and visited him regularly until he graduated from the law school. Uncle Omar’s landlord backed up this testimony.

    Oops! Busted in yet another lie.

    So today, Obama finally came clean and admitted that he had indeed stayed with his criminal alien uncle “for a brief period of time” in Omar’s apartment in Boston:

    “The president did stay with him for a brief period of time until his apartment was ready,” White House spokesman Eric Schultz said in a statement. “After that, they saw each other once every few months, but after law school they fell out of touch.”

    So where was the media in the past 2 years to interview Omar or his landlord or neighbors to check up on Obama’s lie? MIA, as usual, as they were with telling Americans about Bill Ayers…

  42. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “The Guardian Says It’s Only Published 1% of Snowden’s Secret Files. The Other 99% Reveal…” […]

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>