Straight Line of the Day: You Can Tell Hillary Clinton Is Gearing Up for a 2016 Presidential Run Because…

Posted on December 4, 2013 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (No Ratings Yet)

49 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: You Can Tell Hillary Clinton Is Gearing Up for a 2016 Presidential Run Because…”

  1. rodney dill says:

    …because it suddenly at this point does matter.

  2. FormerHostage says:

    …she’s measuring for drapes.

    …she scheduled Bill to be neutered.

  3. rodney dill says:

    …Obama gave her a cutting of his shrubbery… the blaming bush.

  4. FormerHostage says:

    …she’s talking about baking cookies.

  5. rodney dill says:

    …all her pantsuits have been sent out to the cleaners.

  6. Jimmy says:

    …her cankles grow exponentially and her thighs start to boom like Arkansas thunder.

  7. FormerHostage says:

    …she keeps listening to the theme from “Rocky” on her iPod.

  8. FormerHostage says:

    …she has that ‘glow’ about her.

  9. Jimmy says:

    …ussjimmycarter is coming out of her closet!

  10. Jimmy says:

    …weathermen change their forecast when she’s in town. You guessed it: thunder boomers. Wicked… thunder boomers.

  11. FormerHostage says:

    …of the “Hillary 2016″ tattoo on her butt. Actually it says “Vote for Hillary Clinton, Democrat Female, as President in the 2016 Election. (Paid for by the Hillary Clinton For President Exploratory Committee, New York, New York)”

  12. FormerHostage says:

    …of the 666 on her scalp.

  13. Jimmy says:

    …alcohol consumption makes a sudden rise.

  14. walruskkkch says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    All liposuction firms are showing a profit.

    Anonymiss is missing! It’s the cookies.

    Woman is the new black

    The media is gearing up to go from suck to blow.

  15. walruskkkch says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    it was all foretold in the books of Nostradamus.

    excess political baggage is being dumped.

  16. Oppo says:

    … Hollywood scriptwriters are scrambling in emergency sessions to come up with scenarios in which honest, likeable, young, attractive characters with positive accomplishments don’t win.

  17. Jimmy says:

    …cats are hissing more than usual.

  18. Oppo says:

    … she’s embarked on a whistlestop tour of all the places where men whistle at pretty girls.

  19. zipity says:

    I know I’m going long on pants suits futures.

  20. Bob B says:

    …Bloomberg is going long on lockbox futures.

    …Huma is demanding that Anthony increases his therapy attendance.

    Bill is making the confession rounds again.

  21. Oppo says:

    … she has invited Elizabeth Warren over for a bow-wow. I mean, pow-wow.

  22. NoMoBama says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because she’s been going to the tanning place 5 times a day, you racist.

  23. Oppo says:

    … John Roberts has approved a federal tax on all U.S. citizens who don’t have a female Democratic president.

  24. Oppo says:

    … it’s in-Evita–ble

  25. Oppo says:

    … of the spinning sound being emitted from the Founders’ graves.

  26. Oppo says:

    … of the painful position the press finds itself in.
    They can’t say we should elect her because the path we’re on is so awful; yet they can’t say we should elect her because the path we’re on is so great that we should continue.

  27. Drew93 says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    she just bought a new tooth sharpener.
    she just hired a celebrity cackle coach.
    she’s already started a “Defend the 22nd Amendment” superpac, ya know, just in case.

  28. Steve H says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    … she’s already picked a running mate that meets all DNC-approved standards of Vice Presidential Excellence: Miley Cyrus.

  29. Steve H says:

    (Madonna was out of town)

  30. Jimmy says:

    …Bill is not available for an interview.

  31. DamnCat says:

    …she’s ordered 10,000 anti-Biden bumper stickers that read “It’s the stupid, stupid”.

  32. Gumbeaux says:

    There was a leak that the UN is covertly disarming all imaginary Bosnian snipers.

  33. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …all those bumper stickers she’s printing up that say “At This Point, What Difference Will It Make?”

  34. walruskkkch says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    Dogs and cats are shacking up together.

  35. walruskkkch says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    John is adding a new chapter to the Book of Revelations.

  36. walruskkkch says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    it’s beginning to smell like napalm in the morning.

    the soul has gone out of rock n roll.

    my Willie just went “cold turtle”.

  37. walruskkkch says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    the dolphins are all gone, leaving a note saying, “So long, and thanks for all the fish.” (*)

    (*)And there is even a song! [not mine, alas]

    So long and thanks for all the fish
    So sad that it should come to this
    We tried to warn you all but oh dear?

    You may not share our intellect
    Which might explain your disrespect
    For all the natural wonders that
    grow around you

    So long, so long and thanks
    for all the fish

    The world’s about to be destroyed
    There’s no point getting all annoyed
    Lie back and let the planet dissolve(around you)

    Despite those nets of tuna fleets
    We thought that most of you were sweet
    Especially tiny tots and your
    pregnant women

    So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
    So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

    So long, so long and thanks
    for all the fish

    If I had just one last wish
    I would like a tasty fish
    If we could just change one thing
    We would all have none to sing.

    Come one and all
    Man and Mammal
    Side by Side in life’s great gene pool

    (oooohhh oooohhh oooaahhhhh- ah ahh)

    So long, so long, so long, so long, so long
    So long, so long, so long, so long, so long

    So long, so long and, !Thanks!
    for all the fish!

  38. Writer says:

    … all of Bill’s “aides” have moved out of the house.

  39. James says:

    . . . she has dusted off the camouflage pants suit and matching Kevlar vest.

    . . . she was turned down when she asked Anonymiss to bake cookies for a fund raiser.

    . . . Ticketmaster is selling nights in the Lincoln bedroom.

    . . . the price of Botox futures are through the roof

  40. Bob W says:

    … because she’s making Bill keep his pants on…

  41. cc says:

    She just had another facelift!

  42. nabqrules says:

    …there’s an odor of sulfur in the air.

  43. Dohtimes says:

    …the arrow on the Devil’s t-shirt points at her, with the words “I’m With Stupid People, Vote For Her”.

    …the newest 14 signs of apocalypse all have to do with her face.

    …when she walks confidently into a room she is preceded by rippling on all liquid surfaces, then her always unsteady whoooomp whoooomp whoooomp not heard since dinosaurs last walked the earth.

    …of the spring in her step, and when she does run those other three seasons will be crushed also.

    …it’s a low, low, low gear and she only has one even though she still cannot reach the clutch.

    …she is now delousing four times a day.

    …she didn’t work four long years to gamble that Iran won’t have a target.

  44. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . 2016 is an election year and she’s breathing.

  45. GrandLarsenE says:

    She’s still breathing

  46. tinman says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    … she recently enquired about how many electoral votes she could get if she redeemed all of her State Department frequent flyer miles.

    … ‘Wanted dead or alive’ posters for Monica Lewinsky and Gennifer Flowers are now on display in post offices nationwide.

    … she already has discussed potential running mates, including Alec Baldwin, Kim Kardashian, and Kim Jung Un.

  47. Steve H says:

    … caldrons are selling like hotcakes, and the stores just can’t keep Nabisco’s Eye of Newt and Kellogg’s Toe of Frog in stock.

  48. walruskkkch says:

    You can tell Hillary Clinton is gearing up for a 2016 presidential run because…

    All of her financial advisers are dying. Mysteriously.

  49. IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged! links:

    […] Anonymiss of Nuking Politics picked her favorite punchlines to “You Can Tell Hillary Clinton Is Gearing Up for a 2016 Presidential Run Because…” […]

Leave a Reply

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>