George S. from the Galactic Headquarters, Milky Way Division writes:
Everyone knows you hate monkeys. What’s your position on Sea-Monkeys?
Monkeys are bad enough as it is on land, but for them to also to propagate their evil into the sea would be too much. What would be next? Flying monkeys ruling the air, biting and scratching all our airplanes?
Luckily, sea monkeys are actually just boring little brine shrimp, easily killed by adding a drop of bleach to their aquarium. Try it yourself; it’s fun!
Chris from Satellite Beach, Florida write:
I live in a neighboring city of yours called Satellite Beach. Do you think you and me could go hang out sometime? I could go for some hippy-hunting.
Well, I don’t just take anyone on hippy-hunting, Chris. I need to know I can trust the other person. How can I be sure that when a bull hippy comes charging at us, you’re not going to blink? You miss your shot, and then we could both end up smelling like patchouli oil.
Jay Solo from Quincy, Massachusetts asks:
Why is there air?
Air is needed as a medium so that things can fly. Before air, paper airplanes fell straight to the floor, and birds were forced to run around on the ground, pecking at people’s feet. Finally, though, the Wright brothers came up with an invention called the airplane, named after Sir Isaac Airplane who first theorized that man could fly. They realized, though, that they needed some gaseous medium for the contraption to work in. Thus they argued to the government to begin filling the world with gas by genetically modify plants to produce oxygen, nitrogen, and some other elements that together we know as air (named after the airplane).
The only problem was that this air ended up being quite addictive, and a person will die from withdrawal symptoms when being deprived of air for a only a minute or so. It is possible to slowly wean yourself off the addiction, but it takes eighty years or so.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
Hmmm…fellow IMAO readers, what’s worse: puting puppies in a blender, or bleaching Sea-Monkeys to death? I ask; you decide!
George S.
Austin TX (aka Galactic HQ, Milky Way Div.)
And now, to steal other people’s answers to these questions:
– According to “The Man Show” last night, an easy way to dispatch Sea Monkeys is to drink them – as evidenced by a loser on the “Wheel of Destiny”.
– Hippy Hunting is a favorite pastime of Ted Nugent. Therefore, it RULES.
– According to Bill Cosby, any Phys Ed major can tell you why there’s air. There’s air to blow up volleyballs, basketballs, footballs…….
I think hippy hunting would be safe with three people. I live near Satellite Beach (Melbourne), and I have an scrumtrelescent shot. Maybe wearing that Nuke the Moon shirt will send bull hippies into submission.
We don’t usually hunt hippies in Iowa. It’s not out of any sympathy or anything. Hippies like to dress in light duty, natural clothes. There is just nothing funnier to see when the first week of January drops the temperature to -20 F.
Bob, don’t be ridiculous. It doesn’t get that cold in January in Iowa. The temps drop for Halloween. Btw, are you enjoying the mid-90s this week? Whoo-hoo!
Jennifer;
These 90’s have been great. Most of us have air conditioning and the others go to the pools. There are plenty of hippies at the pools and that means only one thing:
Annual Hippy Bath Time
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