Here are more random samplings of the subtitles entries:

Nuke ‘Em ‘Til They Glow
I’m here for a good time. Not a long time.
If you touch me I’ll eat your offspring [Ed. That would be a good caption for the picture below.]
Here’s The Beef
Shoddy merchandise and low-brow humor; the Wal-Mart of blogs.
Just the faux, mam
The funny side of the VRWC
one small step for a man, one giant leap for manslaughter.

There is only two more days left for the contest, so come up with that genius subtitle soon so you can win that t-shirt. As always, keep e-mailing the subtitles to me with the subject “Subtitle”.

Best way to do a lot of scientific studies is by comparing twins.
Using this method, Fritz shows that kids are bad for the skin.
Yes, it looks conclusive.
Another Father’s Day story from the Emperor.
Seems that I’ve been neglectful with my blogroll.
Here’s someone I forgot to add, Meryl Yourish.
If you think you should be on my blogroll,
Right now it’s full. Sorry.
There’s always next year.
Never would have suspected it, but Muslims thinks sex sells, too.
Or, at least that’s what Kevin found out.
What a world.

Just to remind you why all monkeys must be eliminated.

As you see, it already has a nice caption, but, if you need a break from trying to come up with a new subtitle for my site, think of a new caption for this picture.
Oh yeah, I never declared a winner of the last contest. The winner is Anna (hey, another cute blogger) with the entry:

“With its 4″ barrel, dove-tailed front-sight, 15-shot magazine, original checkered grips with motif and matte blue finish, he was proud to own the finest of all the Rhesus Pieces.”

Anna wins nothing.
The winner of this contest, though, will get a short song made in his or her honor. So caption away.

Writing satire is fun, but I’m starting to think maybe I should put my skills towards doing something good in this world. That’s why I’m thinking of starting the Charlton Heston Memorial Fund (I know he’s not dead, but “Memorial Fund” sounds better). I would use my humor to fundraise money towards the eventual eradication of all monkeys, thus preventing the horrible “Planet of the Apes” scenario that Heston warned us about. First, I’d start with all the monkeys that are near extinction since they’d be easy to finish off, and then I’d later move on to the monkeys with greater populations, ending, finally, with the eradication of the very last capuchin monkey. After that, the left over money could go to fight Alzheimer disease.
So what do you think? Maybe the next t-shirt can be one showing support of the eradication of all monkeys. Until then, buy the Nuke the Moon t-shirt.

I got this automated phone call the other day from the police warning that there have been a number of nighttime break-ins in the area, so I immediately though, “Hey, I need a shotgun.”
So I went to Wal-Mart today and bought a nice 12-gauge pump action (my first ever gun purchase; my dad had given me all the handguns I own), but boy was that a hassle, made only a little bit easier since I have a CCW. I didn’t think that had to do background check for shotguns, but I guess they do in Florida. At least on the questionnaire it asks if you’ve ever renounced your U.S. citizenship; nice to see they’re keeping lefties from buying firearms.
So, if I hear a strange noise at night, that person is going to be hearing a very familiar sound. Pump action shotguns are cool.

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there!
Without the influence of my father, I would not be the man I am today. He taught me to hate the French. He taught me how to fire a gun (though I learned not to cross your thumbs when firing a Glock on my own). He showed me what hard work is so I knew without a doubt that I am lazy. He caused me to have my sense of humor by teasing me as a child to the point of near insanity:

“Dad, I’m hungry.”
“Nice to meet you, Hungry.”

He’s always had old-fashioned values. Back in the day, he dodged the draft by signing up to go to Vietnam. He always told my brother and me, “Remember: You can’t wear an earring if you don’t have ears.” He’s always voted straight Republican, except for that one time he voted for Toricelli for Senate since he thought the ads of his Republican opponent, Dick Zimmer, were too scummy. Mom was very angry when she found out, though.
Still, he often played the role of the permissive parent. Though mom didn’t like lots of candy in the house, he always kept a secret stash hidden somewhere, and I’m still sorry for the one time I ratted him out. Once mom put a ban on us kids watching Married with Children, and he secretly watched it along with us.
I’ve learned a lot from my dad. Like, when a man gets angry, he doesn’t get all emotional, he just uses passive aggressiveness (“I’m not angry; I just don’t feel like eating now.”). My dad has given me love, support, wisdom, and multiple firearms. Thus, I use the infallibility I have on my own site to declare my dad the best dad ever.
Oh, and he could beat up your dad.