Less than fifteen minutes left to submit entries to the subtitle contest. Anyway, the ten finalists and the poll will be up early tomorrow morning along with the most violent Rumsfeld-centric In My World™ post ever.
Archive of entries posted on 17th June 2003
Links of the Day
Being that Rachel Lucas is still alive,
Understand that it’s not safe to say anything stupid.
Yet, some people still do.
A bit of commentary on bad gun statistics by lawguy.
So, now NRO is having a pledge drive.
Hey, I think they’re worth it.
I would also like to
Remind people if donating to me through Amazon
To make sure I get your e-mail address so I can send you a little gift.
Only Laurence Simon could come up with a list this wacky about the
Right brothers, but he blames inspiration on me.
Escape from the brink of death for John Hawkins.
Let’s all go wish him well.
Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
Each day is to be cherished.
!
Just A Reminder
You only have until midnight tonight Eastern time to submit those subtitle ideas. I’ve gotten some great ones so far, but there’s still time to blow me away with your idea and get a chance to win that shirt and the glory that comes with having made the subtitle for IMAO. So keep e-mailing in those entries with the subject “Subtitle”, and tomorrow I will start the vote.
Frank Answers: Aquaman, Coverting a Liberal, and the Speed of Light
Kelsey J. from Tshane, Botswana asks:
In a fight between you and Aquaman, who would win?
Oh, come on. In any usual fight I would just blow him away with my .45 (does he have any fish powers to stop bullets?), but let’s say he somehow catches me unarmed; I’m still going to bounce his head off the pavement.
If he gets me in water somehow, sure he can breathe there and I can’t, but that still won’t keep me from strangling him. And maybe he’ll call some fish on me, which just means I’ll kick the ass of some Tuna and Marlin along with his.
Now, if for some reason I fell asleep on an inner tube while unarmed and floated out to sea, then maybe they’re be a bit of a fight because he’d have the drop on me. But he’d still end up known as “Aquabitch” in the end.
Maybe the reason Aquaman seems so wussy is that orange outfit of his. Instead, he should try putting on cool t-shirt and then maybe he’ll get more respect.
UPDATE: This came in from Stoney and Medb.
I take back all those things I said about you, Aquaman. Please don’t kick my ass! (Just wait until I get my own shirt…)
Mark from Omaha, Nebraska writes:
As much as I hate to ask this question, it must be asked. A friend has been converted to the ways of Michael Moore. How do I release his soul from the clutches of that evil man?
Well, if it ever happened to me, I’d hope a close friend would end me quickly with a gunshot to the head. You might try taking him to a priest and see if they’ll do an exorcism. Also, you could buy him a Nuke the Moon t-shirt, which has been known to magically convert lefties. Other than that, I’d just slap him silly. It might not cure him, but it will make you feel better.
Paul from Nukus, Uzbekistan asks:
Is the speed of light slower at night?
Good question. This calls for the scientific method. What I did was got a flashlight and a stopwatch (with a nanosecond hand). I marked a spot on the ground to stand, and then timed how long it took the light to reach the tree, both during the day and during the night.
Now, you’re probably saying, “You don’t have the reaction time to stop the stopwatch as soon as the light hits the tree.”
Being Frank, though, I already thought of that, of course. I recorded what my reaction time is, so, once I minus that from the stop watch, I’ll have the length of time it took the light to reach the tree.
Anyway, I did it a bunch of trials in each scenario (six times), and it was conclusive that light took on average a couple nanoseconds longer to reach the tree during the day, quite contrary to your hypothesis, Paul.
Here’s why, at night, the light has clear sailing and can fly forward without anything getting in its way, but, during the day, there’s all this other light it has to dodge around.
It’s like, “Hey, could you please let me pass by?”
While the other light is like, “I was here first, bub. Go around me.”
So that’s why light is slower during the day.
Please keep the questions coming, <a href=”mailto:THISISSPAMTHISISSPAMace you’re from, I’ll randomly select one.
A Buck Solution for Peace in the Middle East
Recently I offered a solution for peace in the Middle East, but now I’ve decided to get a military opinion on the matter. That’s why I’ve asked Buck the Marine for his ideas on solving the conflict between the Israelis and Palesinians.
Hi, I’m Buck, Buck the Marine. I kill foreigners. Usually I’m not involved in no strategery though; I just take orders like, “Go kill those foreigners.” Then I kill those foreigners and leave the reasoning to other people, like Rumsfeld, who’s smart and hates all foreigners. But I was asked for my opinion, so here it is.
Now, as I understand it, a bunch of Jews decided they wanted to live in the midst of angry Muslims. Seems like a crazy idea, but there’s no reason people should be blowing up little children. The Palestinians think it’s all right to do that because of their religion, but Jesus wouldn’t like people blowing up children. He probably wouldn’t stab those people with a Ka-Bar, but you’re asking for Buck’s solution, not Jesus’s. I’d go door to door asking, “Do you like blowing up children?”
And, if the person answered, “No, I do not.”
I’d say, “Good evening, sir,” and be on my way.
But if, the person answered, “Yes, blowing up children is good,” I’d stick him with my Ka-Bar. When all the people who like blowing up children are good and stabbed, then you’ll be on the road to peace. And, if I understand it correctly, that should stop the suicide bombing, since you need to be alive to commit suicide.
The other problem is this Hamas, who the Israelis want a cease-fire with. I have a lot of experience with situation where I wished the other side would cease firing. My best solution was to shoot those people with my M-16 which would usually caused them to cease fire. Once, though, some guy I shot got a death grip on the trigger of a machine gun, so it kept firing even though he was dead. At that point, we just had to wait for it to run out of ammo. I guess the lesson there is that sometimes peace takes patience, so I could probably sum up my philosophy for peace as being “patience and killing”, not necessarily in that order.
Now, whoever is left could just try and talk things out, but, if that don’t work, things can always be settled the Marine way. Get all the Israelis and all the Palestinians together and have them battle outright, and the first one all dead loses.
Well, that about all this Marine has to say. Just remember that peace takes time, energy, ammo, and, sometimes, tactical air strikes.
And one last thing: Ooh-rah!
Thanks, Buck, and, because I couldn’t fit in here in some subtle way, buy my t-shirt!