Someone asked for a harder secret message in the Links of the Day, and since the Sunday New York Times has the hardest crossword puzzle (and you know how I aspire to be just like the New York Times), I will make a hard puzzle for today’s Links of the Day. There is a secret message hidden in it, and it is based off a scrambled alphabet. Below are three news headlines, all using the same scrambled alphabet (but shifted at different intervals).
1. LQRQG SGRDQS HTTBPBRDL LRA VHKXGA OHC KHQ R VRYHN BLLEG BK RDRIRVR
2. XYFJHJCJZBK ZBA XVYXWVHQ XVJCWK FZQ KJWIW HY CYXWBPZIWB PJXXJWK
3. WDYYNXTOUO ONJJIOUIR UD NSHCTXTCX VCHBTCYIXU UGCU AHICR VHTWIO AI PHDMIX
So, by deciphering these headlines, you’ll be able to recover the scrambled alphabet. How to set it against the actual alphabet to decipher the secret message and where is the secret is for you to figure out. If someone recovers the secret message, e-mail me it and the solution and I will write a whole post about how super-smart you are. If no one solves the puzzle in four weeks, then I will post the answer and write an excessively long post about how super-smart I am, enumerating all my intellectual accomplishments since I was two (and you’ll all have to read it).
The gauntlet has been laid. Godspeed.

Frank L. has the scoop on
Dick Cheney’s undisclosed locations.
Annika has broken free from
her confines and beaten
back the evil Franci to
recover her lovely
blog. Not a moment too soon, I say.
Michele slanders poor
Frank J.’s Nuke
The Moon t-shirt. All the
bad things she says about my
t-shirt is false, and I
would add that sending a monkey after
me is a very
good way to put
yourself on my bad
side. That
will make make me angry, and you probably
don’t want to see me angry, yo.
Courtney thinks that Harry Potter is a libertarian. I say he
is a witch!
Burn him! Set
him on fire and watch him melt!
Blaster has had some flood trouble and is
trying to recover. Thus is life.

Heh heh. Poining a Beretta at a kitten is funny.

Put your caption in the comments section. Whoever comes up with the best caption will get a super-secret prize of no monetary value! (will need an e-mail address for it)

It’s a little known fact, but I had a small cameo in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.

Just like Samuel L. Jackson, I was able to argue to George Lucas to give me a unique colored light saber. (Thanks to Sam from Unigolyn for the picture)
And, if you haven’t seen the Animatrix yet, I think they did a great job of digitally inserting me in it.

(Thanks to Fritz of On the Fritz for the picture)
Also, I had asked what that monkey was that was in my last caption contest, and one reader, Mike Peck, identified it as a golden snub-nosed monkey. I found a picture of one.

That is freaky, but freaky in a different way. I think the monkey in question must be some other sort of snub-nosed monkey, but, if we kill all monkeys, it doesn’t really matter what it was.

It’s Sunday. Means I can write something semi-serious.
I figure one of these days Frank J. is going to have to settle down and get married. I just wonder what that will mean for me. It seems most women I know all have their own plans for a future career, and I find myself looking down on younger women who don’t at least have plans for college. And while it would be cool to be a DINC (dual-income, no children) for a while, marrying someone who earns a salary near mine (but not more than mine, because that would make me feel insecure), and enjoying the spending power that would give the two of us, I still feel it would be cool to have a house wife, someone who would take care of the house (as you can see, I don’t know how to decorate), iron my shirts (I’ve always wanted to wear something that was ironed), and cook me dinner (or, at least pick something up from Taco Bell). So, my question is, does that make me a caveman? Will no one but an uneducated woman with low self-esteem want to be a housewife? Have the feminists succeeded in rounding up all the Donna Reeds and taking them to reeducation camps?
Quite seriously though, if I were one day to have a family, I wouldn’t want kids raised in daycare. At the same time, I have trouble respecting a woman without ambitions. Is that a paradox?