Recently I offered a solution for peace in the Middle East, but now I’ve decided to get a military opinion on the matter. That’s why I’ve asked Buck the Marine for his ideas on solving the conflict between the Israelis and Palesinians.
Hi, I’m Buck, Buck the Marine. I kill foreigners. Usually I’m not involved in no strategery though; I just take orders like, “Go kill those foreigners.” Then I kill those foreigners and leave the reasoning to other people, like Rumsfeld, who’s smart and hates all foreigners. But I was asked for my opinion, so here it is.
Now, as I understand it, a bunch of Jews decided they wanted to live in the midst of angry Muslims. Seems like a crazy idea, but there’s no reason people should be blowing up little children. The Palestinians think it’s all right to do that because of their religion, but Jesus wouldn’t like people blowing up children. He probably wouldn’t stab those people with a Ka-Bar, but you’re asking for Buck’s solution, not Jesus’s. I’d go door to door asking, “Do you like blowing up children?”
And, if the person answered, “No, I do not.”
I’d say, “Good evening, sir,” and be on my way.
But if, the person answered, “Yes, blowing up children is good,” I’d stick him with my Ka-Bar. When all the people who like blowing up children are good and stabbed, then you’ll be on the road to peace. And, if I understand it correctly, that should stop the suicide bombing, since you need to be alive to commit suicide.
The other problem is this Hamas, who the Israelis want a cease-fire with. I have a lot of experience with situation where I wished the other side would cease firing. My best solution was to shoot those people with my M-16 which would usually caused them to cease fire. Once, though, some guy I shot got a death grip on the trigger of a machine gun, so it kept firing even though he was dead. At that point, we just had to wait for it to run out of ammo. I guess the lesson there is that sometimes peace takes patience, so I could probably sum up my philosophy for peace as being “patience and killing”, not necessarily in that order.
Now, whoever is left could just try and talk things out, but, if that don’t work, things can always be settled the Marine way. Get all the Israelis and all the Palestinians together and have them battle outright, and the first one all dead loses.
Well, that about all this Marine has to say. Just remember that peace takes time, energy, ammo, and, sometimes, tactical air strikes.
And one last thing: Ooh-rah!
Thanks, Buck, and, because I couldn’t fit in here in some subtle way, buy my t-shirt!
Killing them won’t help. They say for every Palestinian killed, three suicide bombers are created. If my figures are correct, that means the world will be 72% suicide bomber by the year 2006.
So my theory is that maybe if we breed Palestinians in captivity that might help keep the number of suicide bombers down.
O Blinding Light! O Light that Blinds!
I’ve fingered it out, a solution for the Metal East. We inoculate all the baby Palestimians with Kosher needles, and they grow up either suicide-bombing murderous Paleslime, OR they grow up in a peaceful manner, eating knishes and planting greenery around the area. In either case, the world wins.
My 2nd-cousin Buck has a sound and lucid solution for the Middle East and I’d support it.
I’d support it with Tactical Air, Naval Gunfire, artillery, motars, engineers, heavy machineguns………
We don’t ever need to get involved. Isreal is quite capable of destroying every shred of evidance that there ever was a palistine in a matter of days, and most likely capable of defending itself against the entire arab world in a war that would most definitly come afterwards, Isreal is a nice and powerful nation no need for Buck to lace his boots up on this one.
Buck’s moral clarity should be a lesson to us all.
“…but you’re asking for Buck’s solution, not Jesus’s”
is an absolute classic. Great post.
Sharpshooter…was that a Firesign Theatre reference? (next lines “I cannot see, watch out for me”?)
Frank…what is the inverse of “good and stabbed”? Improperly stabbed? “It’s only a fleshwound? Come back here and I’ll bite your kneecaps off?” or is it more like “I’m getting better”.
Middle East Mapquest
The ever-helpful Frank weighs in on a possible solution to the current crisis in Israel, voiced by Buck the Marine.I’d go door to door asking, “Do you like blowing up children?”And, if the person answered, “No, I do not.”‘d say, “Good evening, sir,” an…
This is one of those posts that pisses me off when it ends because…it ends. I want more Buck!!!
And Chomps.
More Chomps tomorrow in a brand new In My World™.
Methinks Buck’s been watching “Good Morning Vietnam” a few times too many again?
way to go buck!!!!!! we need more marines like you
You, jews, can say what you like, but one thing you need to be certain about;your end is in palsetine. Love to suicide bombers