President George Bush was busy folding classified documents into classified swans when the hooded figure of Karl Rove emerged from the shadows. “The elders are worried,” he proclaimed, “The economy is improving, but jobs have yet to come. The war in Iraq was a great success, but no WMD’s were found. It is foreseen that your reelection will be a mighty battle.”
“Well this Texan here ain’t afraid of a fight,” Bush said, “That’s why I joined the National Guard – to fight any of Charlie who tried sneaking over here. In the end, no North Vietnamese made it to either Texas or Alabama, but much beer was snuck in.”
“If we are to engage the one called Kerry on our terms, we must get this National Guard issue out of the way,” Rove stated.
“Consider it done, Rover.”
With that, Karl Rove faded back into the shadows.
“See, all these documents will prove that I fulfilled my duty in the National Guard,” Bush told White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, “Even says I went to the dentist. What kind of deserter would go to the dentist?”
“Yeah, look like this settles the issue,” Scott said, looking over the papers. Suddenly, he exclaimed, “Wait a sec–”
“Wait what sec?” Bush asked in a panic, “Why do we have to do some sec waiting? That sounds bad!”
“It says here you’re actually a couple points shy of fulfilling your obligation to the National Guard,” Scott told Bush as he handed him a report.
“Oh no!” Bush yelled, “I need to get these points before anyone finds out! What can I do?”
Scott looked at another piece of paper. “It says here, to get those points, you could work one night in the kitchen…”
“Onions make me cry,” Bush said.
“…or you could guard the Alabama National Guard base for three hours…”
“Guard duty is boring,” Bush declared, “and, if I remember back in seventies, they wouldn’t even let you bring a GameBoy.”
“…or you could kill one Vietnamese soldier.”
“To Vietnam!”
“You’re going to get a kick out of this,” Dick Cheney told Condoleezza Rice, “I put a phony page in Bush’s military record to make it look like he hadn’t completed his service. I bet he’s figured it out by now and gotten a chuckle out of it.” The entered the oval office. “Where’s Bush?”
Condi picked up a yellow post-it note from the President’s desk. “It says, ‘Gone to Vietnam. Be back soon.’ And he spelled ‘be’ wrong.”
“Ah, hell!” Cheney exclaimed, “This going to end up being a worse international incident than when he set fire to the Louvre.”
Condi slapped Cheney across the back of his head. “This is exactly why we keep you in an undisclosed location.”
“I never killed me a Vietnamese before,” Buck the Marine said excitedly as he crawled through the jungle along with Bush and Scott, “My pa was always telling me how much fun it was. Said they had to drag him away when that quitter Nixon ordered everyone to leave.”
“Why do I always have to come on these misadventures with you?” complained Scott, who was in full commando gear with camouflage face paint, “I’m just your Press Secretary.”
“I bring you along because I usually need someone to carry stuff,” Bush answered, wearing commando gear and a cowboy hat, “Anyway, I have a great replacement for while you’re gone: Killbot 4000.”
“So what is Bush’s plans for further actions in the Middle East?” asked a reporter.
“Kill all humans,” replied the Killbot 4000 in a heavily synthesized voice.
“We know that,” complained the reporter, “but we wanted more specifics.”
“So how long are we going to be crawling around here?” Scott asked.
“Until we find Charlie and kill him,” Bush answered.
“So are we staying out here tonight or can we at least go to the nearby Marriott?” Scott inquired hopefully.
Bush rolled his eyes. “It’s hardly a commando raid if there’s room service and a heated pool.”
“Yeah, stupid,” Buck answered.
“Now quiet,” Bush whispered, “I see something.”
They all crept forward until they were out of the jungle and in front of a small house lined by a garden. “Those are some nice flowers,” Buck commented.
“We’ll see what Agent Orange has to say about that,” Bush declared as he pulled out a spray bottle and used it on the garden. “Die Commie flowers!” All the plants began to whither.
Suddenly a woman ran out of the house shouting Vietnamese epithets and swinging a broom at the three. “Cheese it!” Bush yelled, and they all scattered back into the jungle. Hidden beneath the brush, they soon regrouped. “Wow,” Bush uttered, “My first tactical retreat. But we need to find some soldiers to kill.”
“We could go to a military base,” Buck suggested, “Usually there are soldiers there.”
“Uh… won’t we be killed taking on a whole military base?” Scott asked.
“We won’t be killed stupid,” Bush answered, “We’re the good guys. But if you got shot in the leg and I saved you… I could get the Medal of Honor! I could throw that right in Kerry’s stupid, French-looking face.”
“But I don’t want to get shot in the leg,” Scott whined.
“If the Vietnamese miss him,” Bush said to Buck, “Could you shoot Scott in the leg so I can save him.”
“I only shoot for’ners,” Buck declared.
“Well… Scott is Finnish.”
“No I’m not!”
Condi and Cheney pushed their way through a crowded Vietnamese town. “Anyone seen this American president,” Cheney called out, holding up a picture. “He’s kinda goofy-looking… probably wearing a cowboy hat.”
“May have murderous intent in his eyes,” Condi added.
“I saw him!” yelled a woman, “Your stupid president killed my garden!”
“We’re very sorry, ma’am,” Condi replied.
“You Americas are always going around fighting evil, destroying tyranny, and killing my garden!”
“Like we said; we’re sorry,” Cheney stated, “So, did you see where he went?”
“He headed out into the jungle towards the Evil Commie Vietnamese Military Base.”
“Dammit!” Cheney yelled, “That was the exact Evil Commie Military Base we didn’t want him heading towards!”
“Hidden with our camouflage, no one will be able to see us!” Bush declared.
“There you idiots are!” Condi exclaimed as she and Cheney walked toward Bush, Scott, and Buck. They were on a hill overlooking a military base.
“The report was a joke!” Cheney yelled, “You don’t have to kill any Vietnamese soldiers to finish your National Guard duty.”
Bush started to laugh. “Oh, you wacky Cheney. And to think that I almost blew up this Evil Commie Vietnamese Military Base and created an international incident.”
“Almost blew it up?” Cheney asked.
“We set a bunch of explosives throughout the base,” Bush explained, “but I’ll just not hit the detonator.”
“Uh… Bush,” Scott said, “Remember that we decided to go with the timer instead of remote detonation because you thought that was more suspenseful.”
“Oh yeah.”
A huge explosion erupted in the center of the military base. Suddenly there was sirens wailing and shouting everywhere.
“Cheese it!”
great!
couldn’t Chomps appear suddenly to give the story a wild turn as the whole group bombs its way out of Charlieland?? (BTW first post)
Where’s Kim Jong Il in all of this. I mean if you’re going to kill one Vietnamese guy…
Favorie line:”Guard duty is boring,” Bush declared, “and, if I remember back in seventies, they wouldn’t even let you bring a GameBoy.”
LMAO
LMAO
I love your In My Worlds
I’ve shown this site to all my friends and family
They Love it.
keep it comming.
Condi picked up a yellow post it not from the President’s desk. “It says, ‘Gone to Vietnam. Be back soon.’ And he spelled ‘be’ wrong.”
Great, now someone has to help me extract a Famous Amos chocolate chip cookie from my nose. Ow.
“It says, ‘Gone to Vietnam. Be back soon.’ And he spelled ‘be’ wrong.”
My favourite line.
interesting link
http://www.vietnamveteransagainstjohnkerry.com
Errr, bee, bea, bay, ba, bi, bae, pe. Oh Heck! I give up. How did he misspell “be”? Though I may have the beginning of a do-wop song?
Condi picked up a yellow post it not from the President’s desk. “It says, ‘Gone to Vietnam. Be back soon.’ And he spelled ‘be’ wrong.”
Making a joke about Bush’s spelling is good, though would have been better if you didn’t spell post-it note wrong.
Um, Liberty Bob, isn’t Kim Jong Il Korean? Not that Buck would care, but it wouldn’t count for National Guard Service For GW.
Oh, powerful Frank, do not despise me, but this IMW should have been better.
Boo,
If people so want grammatically correct writing, then you’ll have to chip in and get me a proofreader.
Liberal Beater,
Damn your eyes!
Show me a ficitonal story about George W. Bush doing a commando raid in Vietnam that’s better than this one.
Can’t Bush have simply be against the war in Vietnam ?
I mean, Kerry is against the war in Iraq, so he has not been in Iraq, but Bush has, for Thanksgiving, as did his parents in 1991… which is a family tradition to go at good wars, those that make America to win.
But Bush could have be against the war in Vietnam, simply because it was a bad war, which is the reason why America has lost.
Kerry is arguing for the future of America about a war that is passed, that has been lost, making of his personal resentment, a wide range of thoughts.
So here the point which is Kerry saying that he would like America to loose in a war that he had not have the courage to make himself.
Still Bush has, as did his parents, the courage to make both the wars.
Nice emphasis on your narcissism, Frank, but I want Rummy. The liberals seem to be more of a threat.
ROFLMAO!!!!! “This is exactly why we keep you in an undisclosed location!”… Bush & Buck!…Killbot4000: “Kill All Humans!”… “We know that! Complained the reporter!… “I only shoot for’ners” Buck declared..”Well…Scott’s Finnish!”… OUTSTANDING! Pure gold, Frank!!!
“Wow,” Bush uttered, “My first tactical retreat.”
This one is funny.
Frank:
Wait just a damn minute! You took a poll. Chomps won! Instead, we get Cheney, Condi, McClellan, Rummy, etc. OK, so Buck was in there. And the “be” thing was funny. But no Chomps. He could have easily been inserted when they were in Nam.
Also, i detect a note of creeping pacifism in this IMAO. Clearly not the work of a “natural born killer” such as yourself. Is that total f***up Kerry finally getting to you? Is that swarmy Lurch lookalike’s message beginning to infiltrate your beautifully violent writing? More killing! More explosions. More reporters being slaughtered! I tell you, I need my violence fix!
Soon!
Frank:
I just read my last post. Sorry for being so demanding. My passionate conservatism was momentarily overcome by my own selfish needs. To make up for it, I am going to buy a t-shirt and shoot the first four liberals I see to put them out of their misery. Let’s see now, where is my 12 gauge?
You should read this.
“You Americas are always going around fighting evil, destroying tyranny, and killing my garden!”
LMAO.
Damn those Americans!
Straw dogs should be made of better straw.
Humor should be funny.
This site gets one more click.
“We’ll see what Agent Orange has to say about that,” Bush declared as he pulled out a spray bottle and used it on the garden. “Die Commie flowers!” All the plants began to whither.
LOL, that was simply hilarious.
Straw dogs?
“So what is Bush’s plans for further actions in the Middle East?” asked a reporter.
“Kill all humans,” replied the Killbot 4000 in a heavily synthesized voice.
“We know that,” complained the reporter, “but we wanted more specifics.”
Fell of my seat reading that one, Frank. That was hilarious.
So The Vigilente, did you fell on Kerry’s seat ?
A huge explosion erupted in the center of the military base. Suddenly there was sirens wailing and shouting everywhere.
“Cheese it!”
LOL. Absolutely awesome. Keep ’em coming, Frank! B-)
Viet Nam – North Korea
What’s the dif?
Very funny.
Except that the death rate of pilot trainees is probably just as high, if not higher, than the death rate of those “serving” in the army at the time of Viet Nam…most of whom served in Germany guarding nothing, or living with hooch girls in Korea.
Wonder why no body has bothered to look at the statistics?
Condi slapped Cheney across the back of his head. “This is exactly why we keep you in an undisclosed location.”
I’m blaming YOU, Frank, for laughing myself sick and maybe having to go home. ROFLMAO! OW!
Oh, the humanity!
“Cheese it” indeed…the mental picture is priceless, with a bumbling Scott trotting along behind our cowboy hat wearing mischief maker Dubya
‘Party on Buck’…’Game on Dubya’
That was really said by Bush:
Referring to the situation in Iraq, the US President told his audience that once, his arch enemy Saddam Hussein invited him to Iraq to fight him personally. “Actually, I liked the idea. Having my roots in Texas, I was not afraid to board a plane to Baghdad and punch that son-of-a-gun in his face.” Apparently, State Department officials and CIA intelligence advised Bush not to go. Some officials stated off the record that they didn’t believe Bush was strong enough to beat the Iraqi President. Analysts remember an address by Saddam Hussein, transmitted by a Baghdad satellite channel, in which he called on US President to shoot himself. Hussein stressed that “the best way out for this person is to put a bullet in his head in order to avoid disgrace.”
See the guns that Bush is having in his hands.
The first priority for all Americans is to Unite Against George W. Bush and vote him out of office on November 2nd, 2004!
Our country has been seriously damaged by George W. Bush. All Americans must unite to build a better and safer world and United States.
Therefore, I pledge to:
Remember that the most important political goal is to remove George W. Bush from office in the 2004 elections.
Work for my favorite presidential candidate until the Democratic Nomination for President has been decided.
Accept the reality that George W. Bush will not be removed from office unless we all support and work for the election of the Democratic Nominee for President.
Set aside all differences with others and work to elect the Democratic Nominee for President.
Support the Democratic Nominee for President with my time, labor, and money to the extent that I am able to do so.
Demonstrate to my fellow citizens and to the world that I will take responsibility for my government and take it back from George W. Bush and his extreme agenda.
VOTE FOR THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT ON NOVEMBER 2nd, 2004 BECAUSE I RECOGNIZE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET GEORGE W. BUSH OUT OF OFFICE.
A better world is possible – but not until George W. Bush is out of office!