Sitting in my house Saturday in the dark (I had no power and my storm windows blocked out the sun), I was hot and bored as the wind still howled about me. Out of this frustration I then drew my most artistic cartoon yet:
Continue reading ‘No Beer and No TV Makes Frank J. Something Something’ »
I will be watching the debate tomorrow. Should I do my first liveblogging, or wait for a full reaction the next day after it’s over?
I vote for next day, because I have Friday off and am probably going to be lazy about coming up with posts. Plus, I’ve never liveblogged before… and I’m scared!
What do you think?
“Okay, I’m in Melbourne… wherever the hell that is,” Melinda Hawkish said as the hotel rocked with the fierce winds.
“Good. Now go outside in the hurricane for the broadcast,” Geraldo instructed.
Melinda paused for a moment. “But there is a hurricane outside,” she explained slowly.
“Yes, and, for good coverage, you need to be outside in it getting blown around.”
“That’s idiotic!” Melinda yelled, “I’ll be risking my life, and they won’t be able to hear me!”
“But it makes good coverage and gives people a good feel of the storm.”
“Easy for you to say when you’re in New York, mustache man. How about we point the camera out the window at the moron newscasters already out in the hurricane. Then we can have a new slogan: ‘FOX News: Our reporters are smart enough not to stand out in deadly storms.'”
“You don’t understand,” Geraldo intoned, “It’s journalistic tradition to have low-paid reporters stand out in the storm.”
“The public doesn’t need to see me get hit by a flying mailbox to know there is a storm!” Melinda protested, “They trust us enough to believe there is one without me being in it. It’s not like I’m Dan Rather!”
“This is Dan Rather with continuing coverage of Hurricane Jeanne which has surprisingly skipped right over Florida and landed in Minnesota. Yes, I know some ankle-biting pajama wearing fanatics known as ‘bloggers’ are disputing this, some claiming to be from Minnesota and showing pictures that everything is fine, but we still have this evidence.”
Rather held up a photo of hurricane damage with the word “Minnesota” on it.
“See, this photo, sent to us by an anonymous, unimpeachable source, shows hurricane damage and is clearly labeled ‘Minnesota.’ And listen to this expert.”
An expert walked up to Rather. “That is clearly a label.” He then walked away.
“So, you snot-nosed punks, stop doubting me!” Rather then jumped up on his desk. “I am newscaster Rather! Fear my power, or I shall report your obituary!”
“I thank everyone for coming to this press conference,” Florida Governor Jeb Bush said, “These hurricanes have certainly been very hard on our state, and the amount of them is unusual. I’ve consulted a while with my staff, and we came to one conclusion: God is angry at us.
“We still have two months left of hurricane season in which God can express His wrath, so I think we need to make sure we are all extra holy. No sinning; nothing to provoke His unending rage. And, in case Pat Robertson is right, all you homosexuals better quit doing your… uh… gay stuff… you know. And I’m looking especially at Miami and Key West. Just cut that out… at least until December.
“I’m going to now go burn a goat as an offering to the Lord. Disney World is going a step further and burning all of Space Mountain as sacrifice to our wrathful God. If all the rest of you have something you can give up and burn in sacrifice, the firefighters will be handing out pamphlets on safe sacrifices.
“Thank you all, and please spare us, almighty Lord! Please take your wrath out on evil Cuba and the unfaithful Fidel. They don’t have much of an economy to interrupt anyway.”
Power and internet is restored at home (though, oddly, my landline is down which was working throughout the hurricane), and just in time for my Star Wars DVDs I got in the mail today (now I can watch Greedo shoot first, but not quite as first as before). Expect beyond normal functioning of IMAO starting tomorrow morning.
Know what Florida could really use right now? Getting hit by an asteroid.
BTW, to help support IMAO through these trying times, remember to visit our advertisers. Right Wing Stuff is back with more… uh… right wing stuff. Also, Great American Shirts has it so now you can be Bush’s runningmate. You check them out and all other advertisers! You do so now! And then you vote!
Everyone go here and vote for me as class clown! Do not whine about registering with the Washington Post, just take a minute and do so and then vote for me (and you can vote in the other categories, too, but make sure to vote for me in class clown; I don’t know why I didn’t make the other categories – maybe people don’t take me seriously)!
I don’t care if your grandmother is sick; you take care of grandmother later! You vote now!
UPDATE: You must have your own registration to vote; you can’t just use someone else’s because it makes sure there is only one vote per registered person. So you register and you vote now, or me make no more funny! Then you be sad and you die!
UPDATE2: My nomination for best “Inside the Beltway” blog goes to INDC Journal. Bill did some great work for memogate, including personally contacting an expert on typesettings to help get facts on the hoax. All the blogosphere gained in credibility from Bill’s work, and he deserves your vote. Also, he’s up against a few who definitely should not win.
Monkeys are out there and are evil!
FEMA really should include blogging equipment as part as their disaster recovery. What do I need ice for? I like my Doritos at room temperature.
Anyway, while I’m still getting my bearings, check out this Get Fuzzy comic pointed out to me by a couple readers. That cat Bucky knows the score.
As long as I know how to love, I know will stay alive.
Hey, everybody, it’s your favorite internet humorist, Frank J. I had a cold shower by flashlight this morning and then warm coke and Oreos (half chocolate, half peanut butter) for breakfast. BTW, shaving by flashlight is spooky.
Anyway, I’m at work now, but I probably won’t have time for some regular posting until I get power at home. I did draw a comic borne out of frustration that’s waiting to be scanned. Also, I was inspired to compose an educational song which I will record me singing. Finally, I have plans for a special In My World™ for when I have power and time to write it.
Until then, check out this comic SarahK did depicting my plight (I did have a working phone until last night). Maybe I’ll post some more today considering how much I’m able to do at work and after I catch up on politics.
Here’s a glimpse of the future for Florida.
I now have the armor plating up on my house, so do your worst, God! I defy Thee!
(I’m kidding, Lord; please move the hurricane back towards Cuba and kill Fidel)
Anyway, don’t worry about me – our troops need beer (especially after my brother joins them)!
