Bush picked up his phone and dialed Ariel Sharon. “I’ve decided to give you permission to take out Arafat.”
“Uh… he’s already dead.”
Bush smiled and tapped his fingers together. “Excellent. Let’s schedule a mideast peace summit, then.”
“Where?”
“I have the perfect place.”

Buck the Marine peered from behind cover. “See anyone insurging, Gomez?”
“Nah. How about you, Johnson?”
“I see some people insurging over in that building there.”
Some bullets hit near the Marines. They then fired back.
“There, they stopped.”
Buck kept looking around. “I see something else.”
“What?”
“Looks to be the President of the United States and the Prime Minister of Israel.”
“It ain’t that French guy, is it?” Gomez asked, “I ain’t been following politics.”
“No, it’s still the cowboy,” Buck answered, “He even has his hat on.”
“It’s my diplomacy hat,” Bush said as he and Sharon joined the Marines.
“Why are we meeting here in Fallujah?” Sharon asked as he cautiously looked around.
“To celebrate how we control it now,” Bush answered, “Plus, I thought it would be less of a drive for you.”
“Uh… Mr. President,” Buck spoke up, “While we do control Fallujah, there are spurts of violence here and there.”
“So it’s just like D.C.,” Bush stated.
“Die American President and jooooo!” came a shout. Soon bullets were hitting near Bush and Sharon.
“Hey, that’s noisy; can you guys get him to cut that out?” Bush asked.
The marines returned fire, and then there was silence.
“Thanks.”
“What Palestinians have you invited to this negotiation?” Sharon asked.
“None,” Bush answered, “as I learned from when Clinton tried to negotiate peace, things go a lot better if the Palestinians aren’t involved.”
Sharon eyes brightened up. “Let’s get started then.”
“We have to wait for the U.N.,” Bush said.
“The U.N. is coming?” Sharon asked with confusion.
“Well, only one peacekeeper was brave enough to venture out here,” Bush said, “And here he comes.”
Chomps, wearing his blue U.N. helmet, trotted up to the group.
“What took you so long?” Bush demanded.
Chomps coughed up a hand and a banana clip to an AK-47.
“Just because you put a blue helmet on a rottweiler doesn’t make him a U.N. peacekeeper,” Sharon remarked.
“We’ll just have to agree to disagree on that,” Bush replied.
Sharon looked warily at Chomps who was growling at a single cloud in the sky. “So can we get started now?”
“I wanted the press to cover this,” Bush said, “but I don’t see them… Oh! Here they come.”
“Melinda Hawkish from FOX News!” Melinda announced herself as she ran up followed by her camerawoman, “Sorry we’re late, but it’s a bit of a funny story. Our jeep was hit with a mortar.”
“I didn’t think it was funny,” the camerawoman remarked.
“Unveiled women!” shouted a Muslim extremist, “Avert your eyes!”
“You shut up!” Melinda shouted back. She then pulled out a .45 and fired towards a building.
“Could you stop doing that!” the camerawoman shrieked. “It’s loud!”
“FOX News lets you carry a gun?” Bush asked.
“This is America,” Melinda answered, “I don’t need permission from anyone to carry a gun.”
“Actually, it’s Iraq,” Buck said.
“Whatever.” Melinda then turned to her camerawoman. “Make sure you have the lens cap off this time; this is a historic peace summit and we have a FOX exclusive.”
“Okay, but can I have the flak jacket on the way back?”
“No.”
“Now let’s get started,” Bush said as he took out a map of the world and unrolled it on the ground.
“I don’t mean to interject,” Buck said, “but there might be better places to do this than the middle of the street.”
“I’m the newly reelected President of the United States!” Bush yelled, “I can do whatever I want where I want!”
“And I’m the Prime Minister of Israel,” Sharon said, “a country that long ago gave up caring what anyone else thought.”
Chomps just growled.
“Okay,” Buck answered and backed-off.
“So, I said there should be a two state solution to this problem,” Bush said, “but where to establish the state of Palestine? Well, I looked at this map of the world and noticed no cities over here so thought we could make this the Palestine state.”
“That’s Antarctica,” Sharon remarked.
“No, it’s Palestine,” Bush said as he crossed out “Antarctica” on the map and wrote “Palestine” in its place.
“I like it!” Sharon exclaimed.
“But there are penguins there!” the camerawoman shouted, “The Palestinians could blow up the penguins!”
“She’s right!” Bush answered, “But do we need penguins for anything?” Bush looked to the Marines. “Have you guys ever used a penguin?”
“I never used a penguin,” Buck replied, “How about you, Gomez?”
“Me neither. What about you, Johnson?”
“I once used a penguin, but I didn’t really need it.”
“Then it’s settled,” Sharon declared, “The Palestinians are going to the continent formerly known as Antarctica.”
“We’ll load them into big ships,” Bush said, “and we’ll trick them into the ships by filling them with cardboard Jews for them to try and blow up.”
“Where will you get cardboard Jews?” Sharon asked.
“I have a sole-source contract for that with Halliburton,” Bush answered and then turned to Melinda. “You better not let the real media find out about that or they’ll have a field day.” Bush took out a piece of paper. “Now all that’s left is for the peace agreement to be signed.”
Sharon signed it.
“And I’ll just forge Arafat’s signature,” Bush said as he took out a pen.
“That looks just like his ‘X’,” Sharon remarked.
“And now to date it before he died… and we’re done!”
Gunfire rang out, a couple bullets ripping up the peace agreement. “They shot our peace agreement!” Bush shouted.
“We’ll avenge it!” Buck swore as he and the rest of the Marines moved out.

“George, I want you to look at my ideas for Christmas decorations,” Laura said as she entered the living room. All she saw was Secret Service Agent Smith sitting in an easy chair reading Better Homes and Gardens. “Where is my husband?”
“He’s in Fallujah,” Agent Smith remarked, not looking up from the magazine.
“He could be killed there!”
“Probably.”
“Isn’t it your job to keep him from being killed?” Laura demanded.
Agent Smith shrugged his shoulders. “I dunno. I never read the Secret Service charter.”