Since everyone seems so sensitive on the issue, so here’s what I propose as the new regulations for interrogating a terrorist:
* He will be asked to “please” give us information.
* If no information is given, he will then be asked to “pretty please” give us information.
* If there is still no response, he will finally be asked to “pretty please with sugar on top” give us information.
* Any further requesting would be badgering and could be construed as torture. If given court approval, though, the interrogator could offer to be the terrorist’s “very best friend” in exchange for information.
There. That should make everyone happy.
If that fails, try the “I double-dog-dare you to give us information”.
They’re sure to crack under that kind of pressure!
You know, most of the left would probably think this was a good idea…Until they got a democrat into office, then they’d say it was a bad idea the radical right came up with to make their new president look bad by failing to protect the country from terrorists.
How about a terorist exchange program?
You give us Mohammad Mohammad Ali Mohammad-El Tikriti, and we’ll give you Barbara Boxer.
Throw in Mohammad Ali Mohammad Mohammad-Al Mosul, and we toss in Al Gore and John Edwards…. and his wife…..and his dog.
I’m sure the “triple dog dare” will be used in extreme circumstances…we must have a frozen flag pole available at all times should the questioning reach this level.
I’ve heard that genuflecting on one knee is very useful. You may need to be pointing East or something.
Weshould also tell the terrorist we “won’t be its friend anymore if it doesn’t give us the information.”
Naaah!
1) First question – “Please”
2) Next time you have to ask, smash one bone to rubble (suggest you start with the smaller ones. If you start with the big ones, it’s hard to find the little ones later in the process.)
Repeat step 2 as necessary, until you run out of bones (206), or you get your information you politely requested.
I would advise against using double and triple dog dares as they might backfire. For instance, one of the interragtors may double dog dare another to start slamming the terrorists head in a desk drawer.
gaskar,
And how would that be a bad thing?
You’d better change that to “…with Splenda on top.”
Sugar is bad for terrorists.
laugh Splenda 😛
To quote John Clark(Tom Clancy: The Sum Of All Fears)((The book, not the aweful watered down movie with Ben Aflack))(((pronounced like the stupid insurance duck…Aflac!!!!!!! Aaaaflaaaac!!!!!!!!………but i digress:
“it’s not how many fingers you break, it’s the way you work the fragments around”.
remind me never to really piss off Tom Clancy.
Adam
“I’m sure the ‘triple dog dare’ will be used in extreme circumstances…”
I’m sick of Malkin linking to this kind of conservative extremist hatemongering. You damned neocons would be giving wet willies in Iraq by now if the MoveOn Mooreheads weren’t keeping you in check.
Can we insult their mother? It always worked for me in grade school…
Oops I mean mother may I have the information mr terrorist sir???
Aren’t these terrorists all s’posed to be homophobes?
maybe if we charge ’em with “hate crimes” or call ’em members of the “religious right” we can get the data we need extracted from them?
If you want to insult their mothers, I know a good curse in Arabic. It is very possibly the most vulgar curse known to mankind. It is hard to spell with english letters and make it look right. If you pronounce the “oo” as in “took” it would be something like coos umic. The PG rated translation would be “yo’ momma”, but more specifically it refers to a certain park of yo’ mamma’s anatomy.
Of course, the terrorists would respond with “Stop staring at me!”
Until they got a democrat into office, then they’d say it was a bad idea the radical right came up with to make their new president look bad by failing to protect the country from terrorists.
Hmm…doesn’t sound too different from what was said after 9/11…
If they’re anything like Mustafa from Austin Powers they must answer any question after asking it 3 times – such as “Where is Dr Evil’s secret volcano lair?”
If that doesn’t work I recommend holding your finger 2 inches from their shoulder and repeating “I’m not touching you!”
mr bubble: bad appeasement policy.
The proper insult is Joe mamma. Tell the terrorist that you are tired because Joe was over your house last night. Terrorist: Joe who?
Threaten the terrorists with, “DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION” if they do not cooperate!