(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Terrorist scumbag Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was recently wounded and his supporters have been asking for people to pray for him.
Being “none of the above” religion-wise, I can’t do that, lest I be struck by lightning. But I figure the least I can do is send him a nice get-well card, like the one I put in the extended entry…
Al-Zarqawi, I’m so sad.
Hearing that you feel so bad.
Limping, hobbling, gimpy, weak,
Looking like a circus freak
Broken bones and bloody skin
(Trying hard, here, not to grin)
Bet it hurts – all ouchy sore.
I only wish that you had… more…
A fractured wrist, a punctured spleen,
A left arm rotting with gangrene,
Lemon juice in a paper cut,
A gopher chewing on your butt,
Mites and ticks and lice and fleas,
Underwear all filled with bees,
Scalp a-crawl with fire ants,
Spiders creeping up your pants,
Dysentary, hoof-and-mouth,
Itchy places north and south,
Herpes sores, appendicitis,
Colo-rectal meningitis,
Kidney stones and heart disease,
Bloody noses when you sneeze,
Eczema and ear infections,
Viagra-proof lack of erections,
Heat-stroke, pimples, chicken pox,
Ben-Gay slathered in your jocks,
Diarrhea, whooping cough,
Syphilitic nose-fall-off,
Swine flu, bird flu, Asian, too,
Mad cow brain and bad Fugu
Poison oak, verruca virus,
Diabetes, hepatitis,
Hemorrhoids, trench mouth, scurvy, gout,
Makes me want to laugh and shout.
AIDS, Ebola, tumors, cancer,
On your grave I’ll be a dancer.
Die Screaming, You Bastard.
Love,
Harvey
It ain’t exactly Hallmark, but then again, Zarqawi ain’t exactly a human being, either.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
First.
Die Screaming, You Bastard.
Love it!!!
Thanks Harvey!!
Pain is temporary, pride is forever! Too bad those sand-jockey’s will never appreciate the full meaning of that, at least not in the correct way.
Ooops, almost forgot, thanks Harv!
Hey Harvey!
Thanks for the comment dearie
And your card’s well…great, but really really disgusting. Ewww! Totally got your point though dude…
Freakin’ hilarious, Harvey! Maybe you should moonlight as a greeting-card poet–even Hallmark is letting its hair down a little these days.
It’s not limerick-based, but at least it’s doggerel.
🙂
And how appropriate is “SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!”–shouted (so we are told) at the assassinations of Julius Caesar and Abraham Lincoln…
I use Sic Semper Tyrannis because I like the Cox & Forkum cartoon at the link 🙂
Oh Harvey, that was beautiful! I’m glad you didn’t fail to mention Ebola (although I’m hoping he falls to a case of American induced lead poisening!).
Colo-rectal meningitis?
Hee.
Yeah, I know that one doesn’t really exist, I just like the way it sounds 🙂