What would you guys do without me – besides work?
Anyway, here are the answers to the questions for Ask Dr. Ducky. I am so glad to be of service to mankind.
Dr. Duck Answers
Since the sky is blue and water is blue does that mean that water and the sky are made out of water?
Posted by AJ
AJ,
You are exactly right. The sky and the sea are made up of the identical substance — hypodermic needles. This is the real reason airline flights are delayed.
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What’s the best way to get my new blog noticed without looking like I’m begging for attention?
Posted by chrth
You should visit big humor websites and ask them to link your blog. That’s what I would do. Ask for a link. A link would be pretty big.
Next question..
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What happened to all the peeps who always wrote “first” in the comments?(sometimes two or even three times for the same post)I hope Frank J. didn’t find a use for his ‘little protection’ tools, but I don’t know…(hence the reason for the question, Dr. Ducky)
Posted by Ben
(Speaking into his wrist. “We have somebody with a memory.”)
I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Will you please look into this flashy thingy for me?
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So, how’s that “Walrus” thing working out for you?
Posted by gunlord
Not bad. In all honesty, the Wilfred Brimley mustache takes a while to grow. Right now I look like a really gruff Pee Wee Herman. Walrus? I seem to be having some sort of flashback but I can’t quite put my finger on it.
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When is the Carnival of Comedy coming back?
My traffic sucks this week.
Posted by a4g
(speaking into his wrist, “we have another one”)
Um, Carnival of Comedy. That’s right. Well, after looking at your entries we decided to replace it with something more interesting. Like blank paper.
Unfortunately, the Associated Press mistook the blank paper for another Downing Street memo and now we can’t find it.
That reminds me of what I told CHRTh, Omigosh. I almost forgot – Here’s a link for our readers.
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Is Karl Rove actually an evil alien overlord from a giant mass of hot gasses in the Orion Nebula? Am I crazy for believing he is?
Posted by Mike Fitch
Actually, he’s an Evil Alien Overlord Advisor. It pays better.
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1) Is it true that if a hippie bites you, you turn into a hippie?
2) If my favorite shirt is tie-dyed does that mean the transformation has already begun? (note I shower at least twice a day, gladly work for a large pharmaceutical company and think the only good terrorist is a dead terrorist)
3) If (hypothetically of course) I killed a hippie for biting me, is the good dead hobo disposal advice you gave me last week applicable to the hippie?
Posted by Brian
Wow. So many questions.
1. If a hippie bites you, you can safely rule out becoming one — but you can’t rule out an infection. All that free love — they’re swimming in disease.
2. Tie-dyed shirts do indeed make you a hippie. Sorry, that’s the rule — no matter what your conservative credentials are. Hey, if Ronald Reagan had worn a tie-dyed shirt I would have chased him off my lawn with a garden hose!
3 If you kill a hippie for biting you, you can legally kill him. In fact, you have to because you’ll shortly be turning into a hippie.
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What will the winning numbers for the big $122 million Mega Lotto be tonight?
Posted by GEBIV
Oh, sure, I tell you and before you know it, 122 million people buy a ticket and they each win one dollar. If you really want the winning numbers please Paypal me at rightwingduckatyahoodotcom. A fair payment would be $125 million dollars. *results not guaranteed.
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If you’re hunting in the woods and a PETA rep jumps infront of an animal trying to save it what’s the best defense to use in court?
Posted by Chris
Mistaken Identity?
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Last week you advised me to get one hair cut every day. Seven hairs are now at the apropriate length but the rest are becoming too long. How long can my hair be before I become a socialist, antiwar, smelly hippy? Please expedite your answer, I’m already shopping for tie-dye.
Posted by Dr. Phat Tony\ at July 15, 2005 12:57 PM
Holy cow. You are definitely not the typical IMAO reader. If you were, your haircut would have been done 4 days ago. BTW, long hair does not make you a socialist, antiwar, smelly hippy. It makes you gay. My advice is to get the hair cut all at once.
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WOW! How can I, living in Massachusetts, get a ticket for the 122 million mega lotto?
Posted by Laura
Wait until the drawing is over. You’ll find them all over the streets.
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]
What’s the best way to deal with a hate-filled lefty who won’t leave you alone?
Posted by Steve the Pirate
Leave a phony flyer lying around.
Top Secret Meeting of the Right Wing.. don’t tell anyone lest protesters spoil everything.
Set it up for 100 miles away from your home. Repeat 2 days later.
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Why did a4g steal my question?
And why didn’t he end his comment with a question mark?
Posted by Patriot Xeno
Mistaken Identity?
Why didn’t he end his question with a question mark. Excuse me, Mr. I’m So Rich I Can Use All The Punctuation I Want. Did it every occur to you that not everybody has a high end keyboard?
When I was your age we were so poor we ended all our sentences with Plus signs. Then my teacher would come around and make us ADD THEM UP!!! ++++
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If all hippies are Commies, does it follow that all Commies are hippies? If the answer is “yes”, will you please call my defense attorney?
Posted by Plea Deal at July 15, 2005 01:24 PM
No. Even Commies have some standards.
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What if, after Rehnquist (or someone else) retires, Bush declines to replace him and O’Connor and lets the membership drop to 7? Would the MSM and blogosphere go absolutely insane because they can’t engage in partisan warfare over it?
Posted by chrth
Heh. That would be funny. You should start a blog.
President Bush should do that, and then on his last day as president, appoint someone while the Democrats are out partying.
“Hey, Ted. It’s my last day. Can I get your autograph? right here, yep, right where it says I Vote for Ann Coulter”
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What wine goes best with duck?
Posted by dply27 at July 15, 2005 01:46 PM
Thanks for the offer, but I prefer beer. Please paypal me at rightwingduck–.
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If Michael Moore was dropped from the height of 2 miles, would the result be a mass extinction or just a large steaming pile of dogs**t which in kinda of a way would be mass exstinktion ?
Posted by Lee H. at July 15, 2005 01:47 PM
Well, mathematically speaking, dropping Michael Moore from two miles up means he falls two feet. Mass Extinction can be better achieved by consistently following his philosophies.
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Why is this Schlotzky’s sandwich so good?
Posted by Tyler D
Mistaken Identity. I thought it was a Subway’s.
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Why do the looney left moonbats think
they are the only ones that know the “truth” about anything political or about life in general? I mean, the state supreme court here in Massachusetts TOLD state legislators to write a law to allow gay marriage-thus denying the states residents/taxpayers the right to vote to accept or regect such a law.
And why do they believe that the rest of us are wrong and in denial?
sorry I spelled reject wrong in my above question.
Here is another question Dr. Duck:
Is liberalism really a sickness, if so, what can cure it- I am concerned for my family, I seem to be the only conservative Republican out of the 6 children my parents had.
Posted by Laura
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Are you done writing?
You know, it would really help your case about being smart enough to decide for yourself if you could SPELL A BIT BETTER!!!
I say Tit for Tat is always good. If the judges want to mandate law, the congress should start going to work in long flowing robes.
As far as knowing the truth, liberals have a hard time with solid facts (or as they call them — GOP talking points). Try hitting them in the head. When they collapse, yell the facts in their ears. If that doesn’t help, write in next week. I really really care about what happens in all– oops we’re out of time.
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Will you have the answers up by 12:00 PST?
Posted by chrth
Did I say that?I don’t think you’re clear on your GOP talking points.
You must be taking Walrus pills or something.
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Why do my cats throw up?
Posted by Ricky
Some experts blame a sensitive digestive system. I blame cat bachelor parties. And they hold them every time you are gone. Go check your liquor cabinet.

Thanks everyone for turning in your questions. I hope I was able to provide some help and guidance to you in your time of crisis. If would like to file a complaint, please go here.
It is your silliness that makes this segment what it is – a waste of your employer’s time.
Have a good weekend.