(A Filthy Lie)
Did you see Instapundit’s post on the New Horizons probe that was launched toward Pluto? He seemed quite indifferent about the whole thing, which is – for a dweeby techno-geek like him – VERY suspicious.
Thanks to some NSA eavesdropping transcripts, I found out why Glenn was trying to avoid drawing attention to the launch beforehand. He had a sinister plot for using the New Horizons ship for his own nefarious purposes. Specifically, he’s going to use it to murder hobos to curry favor with Satan in order to maintain his position as the most powerful blogger in the world (as foretold by The Prophet Frank J.).
Yeah, I know how unbelievable it sounds, but I have proof. Glenn sketched out his plan on the back of a napkin during a recent trip to the Memphis Zoo. I stole it while he was busy staring at the penguins & mumbling something about “pretty, pretty feathers”.
Evidence in the extended entry with Glenn’s notes in italics…

1) Steal super-secret S.M.I.T.E. technology from Frank J. and use it to build the Space Platform for Hobo Elimination, Removal, and Eradication (S.P.H.E.R.E.)

2) Sneak S.P.H.E.R.E. aboard New Horizons ship.

3) Have New Horizons ship deploy S.P.H.E.R.E.

4) Murder hobos from space, thus currying favor from Satan and maintaining my cruel stranglehold on the blogosphere.

5) Blog with minimal commentary and link any crappy post I want, with no fear of losing traffic.

Yeah, I thought he was already doing that last one, too.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go shave my stubble.
looks worriedly skyward