Jim Geraghty is trying to start the new joke sensation.
I might as well try:
John McCain is so old that when he was born there was no such thing as hippies.
John McCain is so old that when he was born most Democrats actually liked America.
John McCain is so old that when he was born there was no United Nations and we didn’t even have to pretend to care what other nations thought.
(He was subsequently honored for his creation of mud, but that came some time later, as dirt was not invented until he was in High School.)
John McCain is so old that his high school graduating class could read at a 12th grade level.
John McCain is so old he remembers when Jack Murtha was still an actual Marine.
…he actually remembers the Alamo.
…he once courted Calamity Jane. Okay, he was really drunk at the time.
John McCain is so old that he’s old enough to be a great-grandfather. The question is: is he?
John McCain is so old he remembers what the meaning of the word “IS” is.
John McCain is so old he was there when God turned on the lights.
John McCain is so old he remembers when REAL men were movie stars and faux men were outcasts.
John McCain is so old that when he was born Hillary Clinton was just a fat egg in a uterus awaiting sterilization by some evil male pig!
Ohohaoahahahaa. Score that baby! Gray spots….
Now (Ed.) I used to make my children sit on one of the beds in their rooms with their arms around each other when they were mean to each other.
Don’t make me turn this blog around and come back there!!!!!
John McCain is so old that at the time of his birth, seanmahair was but a bright light bulb over God’s head. And ussjimmycarter was a spare soul waiting to be replanted on Earth. He turned out okay, though.
Wait for it…
And me? Probably a discarded mechanical drawing on the design room floor.
John McCain is so old that his first computer weighed 45 tons;…
he still refers to it as his first “laptop”.
John McCain is so old that in school he was made to memorize Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address…
after getting back from the fieldtrip to PA where he heard it delivered by the president.
John McCain is so old that the first naval ship he served on in combat is preserved as a museum,…
USS Constitution, 44 gun frigate.
John McCain is so old that Wilbur and Orville taught him how to fly.
John McCain is so old that he referred to Ronald Reagan as “that young whippersnapper”.
John McCain is so old, he remembers when dirt was just a fad.
But since I think the joke is supposed to have a punchline that was actually a backhand to liberals and not McCain:
McCain is so old, he remebers when the mentally ill were institutionalized, not elected.
McCain is so old, he remembers when colleges actually educated students.
McCain is so old, he remembers when provate citizens were robbed by pirates & brigands instead of democrats.
McCain is so old, he remembers when cigars were for smoking.
McCain is so old, he remebers when the Chinese didn’t have American nuclear technology.
McCain is so old he remembers when traitors were hanged, rather than being made Speaker of the House and Senate Majority Leader.
I’m stuck on pure history. McCain is so old that when he was born:
Most movies still had no sound.
Vaudeville and radio were BIG.
People were still recovering from the Cocaine in Coke.
People could tell you what “Tippecanoe and Tyler Too” meant.
Turns out McCain is a good excuse for a history lesson.
John McCain is so old, his 17th chromosome is inverted.
//…he once courted Calamity Jane. Okay, he was really drunk at the time.
#5 – Posted by: PaleoMedic on April 18, 2008 02:43 PM//
LOL!! I think I saw film of this, I think she spit tobacco and asked him if he thought he was a f–king Adonis.
McCain is so old, he thought Methusalah was a punk.
McCain is so old, he always had to worry about shooting the propellers of his plane
(for those of you who aren’t military geeks, that means he flew planes before they invented Interuppter gear that wouldn’t let the gun fire if the propellor was in front of it.)
McCain is so old that when he was born it was considered odd behavior for a man to desire sex from another man…
John McCain is so old that he still can’t believe the Adams campaign stooped to attacking Jackson’s wife.
John McCain is so old that when he was born a hoe was still a hoe, a screw was still a screw, and when he said “I’m down with that”, it meant he had the flu.
John McCain is so old that when he was born, the “Gay 90’s” were still a topic of conversation.
Y’all know what the “Gay 90’s” were, right?
No, it wasn’t a bunch of old guys in their 90’s giving it to old guys in their 90’s. They did wear ‘nighties’ in the Gay 90’s, though.
He’s older than the UN.
And the the CIA.
This one too.
However, he’s not older than my father.
I’m just saying.
Hey, wait. Does that make me old???
And my youtube link didn’t work either.
Sheesh.
#21,
You obviously aren’t familiar with the Abolitionist Movement. Read up on the relationship between Theodore Dwight Weld and his friends. Some might call their relationship homosexual in nature, if they weren’t familiar with the gender relationships of the 1800s. Lincoln shared beds with other men, just because that was how things were done back then.
And the letters he wrote to Angelina Grimke while courting her were quite humorous: he saw her as a man in a woman’s body. Or rather one of his friends in her body. Kinda weird, especially after reading one letter that was quite explicit describing their sexual encounter in Philadelphia in late March 1838. Read the link.
McCain is so old he still thinks that half of the U.S. belongs to Mexico…and proposes legislation and votes as if that is true, as well.
28 – Posted by: Michael R. on April 18, 2008
Hey, thanks for the gay revisionist history lesson! Did you know that all our founding fathers were gay as well? Well, sure they were all married to women and had numerous children, but secretly they were all gay! And so were all the famous, scientists, artists, and inventors throughout time. … Well, you can’t prove they weren’t.
…
/end sarcasm
#30,
I never said specifically that they were gay. Look at what I had said:
“if [the reader] weren’t familiar with the gender relationships of the 1800s.”
And:
“Lincoln shared beds with other men, just because that was how things were done back then.”
It was common for men to be close to each other, just as it was common for women to be close to each other, because men and women weren’t suppose to associate with each other. Separate spheres and all. People who don’t know history too well would assume that they are gays, but that is wrong.
Remember in the old television shows the husband slept in one bed and the wife slept in the other? Doesn’t mean the husband and/or wife is gay. Just societal norms.
How old is John McCain? You remember that old story about Cain and Able? Yep, that was him.
McCain is so old that when he was young, Hilary was a holy man from Poitiers, a Barrack was a place to house soldiers, cigars were stored in humidors, and traitors were visited by Tomas de Torquemada.
In 1936, most movies were not still silent. After The Jazz Singer in ’27, the studios jumped all over sound. Chaplin was still making silents late, but that’s because he was a law unto himself; the most famous man in the world can get away with a lot.
John McCain is so old he created the Big Bang as a boy by slamming the screen door.
John McCain is so old he was named after his Uncle. The real Cain.
John McCain is so old he remembers what mimeographs smell like.
John McCain is so old the rock music he listened to as a teenager was played using real rocks.
Slight correction for anonymous #34. My pipe organ teacher was the late Grant Brown who played theatre pipe organ at silent movie theatres in downtown Seattle well into the late 30’s. So, I think “most” movies being played were still silent when John McCain was born.
In his grandfathers’ day, homosexuals were hanged. In his father’s day they were jailed. In his day they became socially acceptable. Now he hopes he dies before it becomes manditory.
John McCain is old enough to know better…
John McCain is so old I still don’t believe the old bastard isn’t, in fact, a re-animated corpse controlled by evil space-aliens.
John McCain is so old he still suffers hearing loss from when the big bang went off.
John McCain is so old that when he was in elementary school Democrates, Republicans, a KINGdom and even the Communists could and did work together toward a common goal.
Hmmm … that explains a few things doesn’t it?
John McCain is so old that when he was born:
You could still smoke in public
Children in public schools learned things about the Revolutionary War other than the fact that some of the founding fathers owned slaves
Not only were there no lawyer jokes, but lawyers themselves were not jokes
“Old Grand-Dad” bourbon was named “Dad” bourbon
Democrats nominated people for President who had had elective executive branch experience
John McCain is so old he had to invent the lawn just so he could tell the neighborhood kids to get off it.
John McCain is so old that he remembers when the French were Our Friends and the British were The Enemy.
John McCain is so old, “getting bombed” was NO fun!
John McCain is so old that he once owned some Obamas.
John McCain is so old his Social Security Number is in Roman Numerals.