We’ve been doing a lot of exploration and study of Mars lately, but I think we’ve been avoiding the main question we have at hand: Should we start transforming it into a prison planet?
It would seem the perfect solution once Gitmo shuts down. We just start sending all the terrorists to Mars, the prison planet. And we won’t have to register sex offenders because we’ll know where they all are: On the prison planet.
Will this be expensive? Of course not. That’s the point of a prison planet. You don’t need guards or anything because there’s no way off. Plus, if they want their shipments of food to continue, they better mine lots of gold and diamonds (platinum will also be acceptable). What about if they kill each others? Well, I think everyone just accepts that as just part of being a prison planet. And why not just make the moon a prison planet? Because it’s a satellite, not a planet.
So what if the Democrats object to this new plan? Well, guess where those against our new world order go? That’s right: The prison planet. They’ll have to tough it out with all those felons they want to give the vote to.
Anyway, I hope NASA announces their prison planet plans at their next news conference. It’s the step really needed to revitalize our interest in space and to once again get children to dream of all the possibilities of space travel.
For some reason, this post has me thinking that maybe McCain likes illegal immigrants simply because he plans on using them as forced labor on our prison planet.
“Because it’s a satellite, not a planet.”
And, there are other plans for the moon already.
This would certainly simplify the planning for a manned Mars expedition – a large portion of the expense and risk is in returning to Earth.
Better not send the convicts any rubber, asphalt, or aluminum. They might combine them with the naturally occurring perchlorates to make their own rockets.
Bah, Mars is too close to put you racist crackers. I prefer My idea to use My warp drive to shoot you honkeys into a black hole.
Isn’t this how we got Australia?
Mars as a prison plnet? Brilliant! What I would do is send them there in rockets and forget to put enough fuel in them for them to be able to slow them down. Thus they just slam into the surface at high speed and turn into more rubble on Mars. More rubble we can build stuff out of when we finally decide to drill the crap out of the Red Planet.
“But won’t that kill the criminals as they slam into Mars’ surface at very high speeds or burn them up in the atmosphere” cry pantywaist types all over. And the problem with the criminals dying as their rockets slam into the Mars surface is…?
#4 – “shoot you honkeys into a black hole”
There’s a really disgusting joke implied here that’s both racist and homophobic. I’m much too gentlemanly to voice it, though.
Regarding the moon, that should be our future Death Row. ‘Cuz we all know what’s planned.
I love the prison planet idea.
Sounds good on paper. But, as anyone who read “The Four Lords of The Diamond” by Jack Chalker can tell, when they revolt and start sending robots for revenge, don’t make the guy who thought the rebellion up the first one you kill–you’ll want to have him around later to shut things down.
We could air drop fliers over Mexico advertising all the agricultural, janitorial and construction jobs available there.
9
That’s why my plan to just let the rockets full of prisoners crash into the surface of Mars is so brilliant. It’s hard to build robots and plan some kind of revenge when you’ve been reduced to briefly flamming chunks of flesh intertwined with scrap metal from a crashed rocket. Did I say the rockets will be packed with explosives to make sure there’s a nice “KABLOOM” when the rockets slam into the ground?
Me smart.
Proud Infidel
It is just plain #$%^#$$%# wrong to suggest that human beings should become “reduced to briefly flamming chunks of flesh” as they slam into Mars.
Specifically it is wrong because the Martian atmosphere does not have a high enough oxygen concentration to support combustion, so the pieces will not flame even briefly.
Also if we ship (slam) all the criminals to (into) Mars, where will our Soylent Green come from?
Anything that goes “KABLOOM” has got my vote. But how about we just make a bunch of KABLOOM machines and make them all go KABLOOM down here on earth? Some people are also working on KABLINGA machines and I want one. I say: KABLOOM now; KABLINGA tomorrow. John??? Get with the program!
Make Mars seem like a hot tourist destination and all the Rich will want to go there.
Where the Rich travel the Crooks are sure to follow.
Then the Meek really Will inherit the Earth!
SOB – Damn straight
Are the rest of you unfamiliar with the central premise of this blog? FrankJ’s brilliant introduction to the world of fame?
The MOON, Frank!! Put them on the freakin’ MOON!!
And then … … Nuke it
Until we get this prison planet thing worked out, I say we send all of the terrorists and criminals to California where the hippies will welcome them with open arms. We should then take away their status as a state and make California the official place to send all of our criminals, just like England did with Australia. The governator should be able to run this California prison singlehandedly. The only problem would be separating California from the U.S. I’m hoping a huge earthquake will accomplish this for us.
“Didn’t anybody see “Ghosts of Mars” with Ice T and Natasha Hestridge”. Well if you had, you’d know what happens when the Martian ghosts possess
the prisoners or something. It really was one of
Carpenter’s weaker films.
When the Enterprise is ready somebody let me know. I am so ready to go where no man (person) has gone before. I think though that Starships should be segregated into Liberal and Conservative crews. That way at least some of the beings out there in the vastness of the universes will get to meet sentient beings.
I like the idea of Venus as a prison planet better. Mars might be useful in the future, and hey, when they disembark onto Venus, the heat will make them instantly combust!
Also, when we’ve left the solar system, we’ll to take need Liberals along as server farms. Not like they were using their brains for anything else.
I’m all for doing the Starship Enterprise thing asap but what if there isn’t any intelligent life out there?
What if we’re the first race in the whole history of the universe to get far enough to say, “I think, therefore I am.”
or “Shoot it again, I think it’s still moving!”?
No planet Vulcan, Bajor, Kronos, Romulus etc.
There may be life out there but nothing much more advanced than birds, fish, insects or hamsters.
Good for us, but wouldn’t it be boring?
On second thought, boring is good!
Greetings hamsteroids!
We come in peace!
(plant flag, file claim, set up pre-fab city, plant crops. Ah, life is good!)
What? are you still here? Where’s my .22?