Frank Advice for Life

You can really hurt your hand punching a dog in the face because of their big bony snouts. Only punch pugs.

21 Comments

  1. Use brass knuckles – they transfer more energy directly to the punchee. Plus, when you punch somebody or something with your fist, they will usually try to hit you back or try to reason with you or something but if you punch them using brass knuckles, they will normally go down without a lot of fuss.

    And all dogs should be punched – just on general principle. Most boxers, in a bid to develop that “Killer Instinct”, will get a gunny sack full of puppies, hang it from the rafters in the garage, and go to town. Plus, if Harry Potter has taught us anything, it’s that any large black dog is really an escaped convict in disguise and we should find a suitable beating stick before he has a chance to kill our other pets.

  2. “What’s that? You want a treat? STOMACH PUNCH! No, wait, I didn’t mean it! Stop! That’s my face! Ow!”

    Or, if it’s one of those annoying little dogs with annoying little barks, you can kick it.

    Cats? I prefer throwing cats down basement stairwells (after they urinate in your laundry). Too bad they always land on four legs.

  3. I agree Marko – if you have the right boots on, a kicked dog can have comparable hang time and distance to a kicked football.

    And cats should just be ground up and turned into dog food for dogs. Who should immediately be beaten with a stick.

  4. My three cats are reading this post with interest. They looked at me and told me to tell you all “bring it bitches”… I think they intend to “dance like a butterfly” away from your punch as they quickly and painfully attach all four “paws of death” to your nads!

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