I just got an e-mail that Obama may not be an American. Anyone hear of this?
It’s not that Alan Grayson is an exceptional loud idiot in Congress; he’s just a new one.
If we let people who say moronic things who don’t live in safe, uncompetitive districts, it will be anarchy.
Anarchy is one of my least favorite archies.
Didn’t the last time the Democrats had a majority in Congress they kept it for 40 years? Not thinking they’re going to do so well again.
On further review, the dumbest thing about Alan Garyson’s outburst is that he labeled “if you get sick” a step.
STEP 1: Steal underwear. STEP 2: If you get sick… STEP 3: Profit!
The White House talked to Iran and they think it went well but they can’t be sure since everyone was speaking Iranian.
“If we let people who say moronic things who don’t live in safe, uncompetitive districts, it will be anarchy.”
Frank, for the sake of continuity, that sentence is missing a verb.
Alan Grayson is a fuckin clown shoe
I heard the same thing. And I heard he’s not even Mexican. How can he possibly represent America?
Hi Frank. Your butter is getting spread too thin. Not to mention your guns. Just direct folks to your PJM article which is excellent!:
Get Ready for a Real ‘Chicago Way’ Olympics
The economy is floundering. Terrorists still threaten us, and Iran continues on its path toward obtaining nuclear weapons. Afghanistan stands on the brink, and the war could be lost if we lose our resolve. Thus, we know what is foremost on President Obama’s mind: the Olympics!
That’s right. Obama is determined to help get the Olympics for Chicago. We Chicagoans got him to be senator and then president, so he pretty much owes us. And with Obama’s influence — foreigners love the guy — Chicago should be a lock, so we might as well start planning now. I’m excited; Chicago is a great place for the Olympics, as the city is known for fair play. In fact, under the city’s influence, this should be the fairest Olympics ever, where it won’t just be open to an elite set of athletes who trained all their lives. Instead, it will be open to anyone of any physical ability who happens to have the right connections and enough money.
I already talked to Tony Rezko, and he has some great deals lined up for us on properties where we could build the stadium. All he wants is for his son to win a silver medal in one of the events; he doesn’t even care which. It’s a steal, really. So as soon as we have the go-ahead, we’ll talk to the unions and get things started.
Now, Chicago could be a bit of a culture shock for some of you from foreign countries. If you’re from some violent, third-world dictatorship that holds show elections where the result is predetermined, then it will actually be pretty similar. Anyway, we will set everyone up with some pamphlets on how to avoid getting stabbed and whom not to make eye contact with. We’re all friends here, though, so if you see a crime being committed in the city, keep it to yourself. We don’t like squealers. That’s one of the ways you get stabbed.
Unfortunately, we’re going to have to get rid of all the target shooting competitions. Guns aren’t allowed in Chicago. I know the Supreme Court has ruled that you can’t ban guns, but I’m pretty sure most of the Constitution doesn’t actually apply to Chicago. At least we all operate under that assumption. Plus we keep guns out of here for a good reason: When people start bringing them in, it makes the criminal element nervous. They’re a constituency, too, and we look out for them here. In fact, we have perhaps the highest percentage of legislators who are convicted felons.
For the other competitions, we can set those up however people want them. Like maybe some competitors don’t like their hurdles so high. For certain donations to certain individuals, we can set those lower for you. In weight lifting, maybe those weights don’t have to be as heavy as advertised. Let’s just say it pays to make friends in Chicago, and the best people to introduce you are dead U.S. presidents.
By the way, we’re going to need to have a discussion on how we’ll pick judges. Now, we know that the Olympic competitions usually have judges from around the world, so we won’t just stack the judges with the Chicago elite. We’ll leave half open to the rest of the world, so you might as well prepare your bids now. If you’ve never been a judge before, don’t worry; we’ll make it simple. You’ll have a list of names and which score to give them. Also, if some of the votes in the competition come from dead judges, don’t worry; that’s normal here.
I know some of you are worried about there being mob influence in the Chicago Olympics, but there is no reason for that, because there is no such thing as the mafia. That’s just made up by the media. So shut up about it. I’m serious. But if perchance you hear that one of the competitors is a mob favorite, and you think you see him using performance enhancing drugs, don’t say anything to anyone! Getting into business that doesn’t concern you is how you end up going back to your home country in a pine box. Capisce?
Anyway, it’s going to be some great competition for those medals that haven’t already been allotted to appease certain constituencies (hopefully a lot of them will settle for bronze). I even expect we’ll see some world records set in the marathon when you add in the very real threat of being shot. Really, a Chicago Olympics should be great fun, and I think everyone should come out of it relatively unscathed, as long as everyone learns to keep their heads down and be quiet. So we’re counting on you to deliver this one to us, Obama. You owe us. Big time. We have plenty of dirt on you, Mr. Big Shot, so don’t think you can screw us on this, you bastard!
Good luck in Copenhagen.
What does any of this have to do with David Letterman having sex with staffers?
Everything, Son of Bob – because he didn’t have ‘sex sex’ with his staffers. Not really. So it’s all relevant Friday morning material.
“The White House talked to Iran and they think it went well but they can’t be sure since everyone was speaking Iranian.”
They thought it went well with the Olympic committee, as well. Both meetings went equally well.
Top Ten Reasons For Having Sex With David Letterman :
10 – Constant shaking with fear of Sarah Palin saves quarters on Magic Fingers Bed at motel
9 – Sometimes a cigar is not just a cigar, it’s practice
8 – It was in Larry Bud Melman’s contract as a death benefit in lieu of funeral expenses
7 – You have no shame, standards, gag reflex and are deaf dumb and blind
6 – You are a farm animal and your head got stuck in a bucket
5 – You are a president and your head got stuck ………………
4 – You dropped his make-up shovel on your head and didn’t wake up
3 – For your 13th birthday he asked you to play the Roman Polanski game
2 – All you remember is a guy in a van offering you some candy
1 – You heard his Top Ten Skanks get free penicillin shots and you already need one
Those are Harvey-esque, Dohtimes.
High praise indeed! I saw that Big Hollywood has a Top Ten list from some guy named Jim Treacher (ha) linked that is funny. Had me doing the LOL thing anyway. Basil has some funny one liners each day on his blog that all should read or follow on the twitter thingie along with Frank.
Number four that was a classic….thanx.
Oh…and number five ditto, and number nine double ditto, well done.
Just how dirty WAS that underwear that they stole? And why would someone WANT to steal dirty underwear? Ew!
(Cool! So that’s how you guys do that gray bar quote thing!)